Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Take my kids out of school for lunch

58 replies

AmyJahabee · 24/11/2025 08:58

My 9 year old is not playing with anyone for the past week or so. So was thinking today to get her from school during lunchtime and spend time with her so she is not alone.
i would like her to play with other kids but I feel I can’t force it. We recently moved school but she has made friends with three girls (three girls have been friends since reception) and been playing with them. Up until two weeks ago she started playing by herself, I have encouraged her to persue the other girls and play with them she said I have but they just then play with her for little then get back to playing without her. What can I do to help her?
what can the teacher do to help?

She has written in her diary that one of the girls pushes her and talk over her when she is playing with one of the girls. I haven’t said anything directly but asked her repeatedly if that girl is been bad to her and she said no.

i don’t know what to do

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Sometimeswinning · 19/12/2025 23:51

AmyJahabee · 19/12/2025 23:07

Thank you everyone, feeling extremely sad for my daughter. Pick my daughter up from school and she was the last person to walk out from the classroom looking very sad. She said she ate by herself and just walk around not playing with anyone. Feeling sad for her.

I often do social groups for new students to help build friendships. Sometimes they are spot on, but also a lot of times don’t work out.

Your dd hasn’t found her people yet. She will.

Those posting, telling you you’re controlling or over invested. You’re not. You’ve got her back.

Original poster
AmyJahabee · 19/12/2025 23:07

Thank you everyone, feeling extremely sad for my daughter. Pick my daughter up from school and she was the last person to walk out from the classroom looking very sad. She said she ate by herself and just walk around not playing with anyone. Feeling sad for her.

OP posts:
Mamai100 · 25/11/2025 13:04

Jamesblonde2 · 24/11/2025 09:34

You have the time to collect her, feed her and take her back to school? Don’t you go to work?

Why is that your business?

It's not relevant.

saveforthat · 25/11/2025 12:58

FanofLeaves · 24/11/2025 18:54

Reading a diary is vastly different from checking a phone. A diary is meant for private, personal thoughts on a page! A phone opens up access to everyone else’s thoughts etc and media that isn’t always appropriate. It’s not the same thing.

Edited
Show quote history

Exactly

Tillow4ever · 25/11/2025 09:58

That sounds like your daughter either doesn’t want you to worry, or knows you have a tendency to helicopter parent and doesn’t want you to interfere. Only you can know which is more likely.

Your daughter has talked to her teacher about it - let the school help her. They’ve been doing this since schools began, they’ll know ways to help.

With your daughter, just check in with her each evening - maybe over dinner you both talk about how your day has been. If you share (age appropriate of course) info about your day, especially elements you found tough (maybe even ask her how she would gangle something) she is more likely to open up to you and tell you what’s going on with her. Get into the habit of doing this every day so it’s just the normal thing to do for your family.

EleanorReally · 25/11/2025 07:04

dont ask the daughter,
ask t he teacher to clarify

Original poster
AmyJahabee · 24/11/2025 23:10

Update:
I messaged her teacher this morning and just got a message from her class teacher. Saying my daughter has already told them three weeks ago that she is not happy as she misses her old friends, the teacher then said my daughter is reluctant to make new friends. and they have been helping her ad managing the situation , she asked the school to keep it “low key” . They honoured her wishes and never told me anything until I told them..
what do they mean?
what is going on? Should I ask my daughter or leave her?
I'm a single parent and her dad is absent I don’t know what is going on, this is breaking my heart

OP posts:
Chinsupmeloves · 24/11/2025 19:16

No, you will be setting her up to expect you to take her out of any situation and not be able to develop her own solving. What happens if you can't continue it and don't have your days free? That will be a harder hit as she won't have built up any resilience or had the chance to make new friendships.

StillAGoth · 24/11/2025 19:11

They can sometimes find it hard to find their stride with friends in KS2. I would tell the class teacher. I've had parents speak to me about similar and we can support.

If her school runs nurture groups, these can also be helpful.

FanofLeaves · 24/11/2025 18:54

DramaQueenlady · 24/11/2025 18:09

Ttf! She's 9. Id check and phones of early teens! Its called parenting her child. Im sure most parents do.

Show quote history

Reading a diary is vastly different from checking a phone. A diary is meant for private, personal thoughts on a page! A phone opens up access to everyone else’s thoughts etc and media that isn’t always appropriate. It’s not the same thing.

DramaQueenlady · 24/11/2025 18:09

saveforthat · 24/11/2025 09:02

Also, why are you reading her diary?

Ttf! She's 9. Id check and phones of early teens! Its called parenting her child. Im sure most parents do.

nutbrownhare15 · 24/11/2025 13:37

Talk to her teacher

Original poster
AmyJahabee · 24/11/2025 13:26

MissAmbrosia · 24/11/2025 12:18

When dd had similar issues around this age, I bought her a pack of "jacks" so she had something to occupy herself. The others were fascinated by it and it kind of broke down the barrier a bit.

https://amzn.eu/d/aOvg1Mt
Thank you I will ask her if she want this game then will get it for her

Amazon.co.uk

Amazon.co.uk

https://amzn.eu/d/aOvg1Mt?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-am-i-being-unreasonable-5449257-take-my-kids-out-of-school-for-lunch

OP posts:
GardensBooksTea · 24/11/2025 13:10

From experience, I wouldn't take her out of school at lunchtimes. My mum did this when I was about the same age, as my best friend had moved away and I was very lonely. But ultimately all it taught me was that a) the best solution to tricky things and big feelings is to run away from them, and b) I couldn't be trusted to sort things out myself. Those messages do sink in deeply and can take a lot of work to get past as an adult.

On the diary reading thing - my mum did this too. In the end, in my teens, she read things I'd written about her that she would really rather not have seen. I was daft to put it on paper at all - stuff most teenagers think I'm sure, but nobody wants to read their teenager saying about them, and keeping it in my head / between me and my friends would have saved a lot of angst. And whilst there is more to it than just this, our relationship never recovered.

MissAmbrosia · 24/11/2025 12:18

When dd had similar issues around this age, I bought her a pack of "jacks" so she had something to occupy herself. The others were fascinated by it and it kind of broke down the barrier a bit.

ldnmusic87 · 24/11/2025 12:05

Reading her diary was an awful thing to do, if you find it hard to communicate, take her out for a walk, an errand in the car, a special day out, talk to her - don't violate her privacy.

Owl55 · 24/11/2025 12:03

Friendship groups of 3 always seem to cause problems , encourage her to join scouts/brownies or take up a sport outside school , she may meet these same children when she moves to secondary school . Invite a different child each week for tea and develop new friendships too . Mention to the class teacher she’s struggling so they can help in school .

Original poster
AmyJahabee · 24/11/2025 12:02

Thank you everyone appreciate your comments. Some are very harsh but I believe it all good intentions and from the comments I have decided taking her out for lunchtime will not provide a permanent fix but slow progress for her independence. Thank you

OP posts:
Missey85 · 24/11/2025 12:00

When I was at school it wasn't allowed

BoxesBoxesEverywhere · 24/11/2025 11:54

Are you in the UK? As round here you wouldn't be allowed to just take your child out of school anymore for lunch break, unless you've time travelled back to the 80s?!
Friendships at that age are tough, I'd have a word with the teacher instead about what's been happening.
Oh, and stop reading your dd's diary. 😡

Carrotsandgrapes · 24/11/2025 11:42

AmyJahabee · 24/11/2025 11:26

Regarding reading her diary I don’t intend to carry on.
But this was from a good intention, as she doesn’t communicate sometimes I get worried and as a mum would you not prefer to know if your child needs help if that child is not communicating her issues? I know it doesn’t justify me looking at her personal stuff

Even with the best of intentions, reading a child's diary is an awful thing to do. I remember my best friend's mum did this, and my friend still mentions the betrayal and embarrassment 30 years later!

Work on encouraging your daughter to trust and open up to you. It's a harder option than just reading her diary, but a far better one!

Original poster
AmyJahabee · 24/11/2025 11:26

Regarding reading her diary I don’t intend to carry on.
But this was from a good intention, as she doesn’t communicate sometimes I get worried and as a mum would you not prefer to know if your child needs help if that child is not communicating her issues? I know it doesn’t justify me looking at her personal stuff

OP posts:
Tillow4ever · 24/11/2025 11:12

You haven’t addressed any of the comments about reading her diary, op. Does that mean you intend to carry on doing this as you can’t see a problem with it?

CurlewKate · 24/11/2025 10:45

Why are you reading her diary?

ldnmusic87 · 24/11/2025 10:34

You should not have read her diary, and you need to give her time.

Getting her for lunch will isolate her, very odd suggestion.

Swipe left for the next trending thread