Unwell Father Removing Shoes

I was thinking the same reading through this. How to make him feel wholly unwelcome! Unbelievable

Repeating what several pp have already said. YANBU, but in case your DP has OCD, then these may be the answer. But what a way to make your DF feel unwelcome…

Get some of those plastic shoe covers maybe as a compromise. I don't like being barefoot because of plantur fasciitius but they usually keep people happy if I don't have slippers.

Disposable shoe covers seem like the answer, but I would also suggest reviewing your father's footwear. I found, for a relative with similar issues, broad-fitting breathable deck shoes that open up wide for taking on and off, and fasten with velcro: they have firm synthetic washable soles (example in link).

https://www.chums.co.uk/products/mj507/wide-fit-touch-fasten-canvas-shoes

Your DP lacks empathy.

Expecting any guests to remove their shoes just sounds completely alien to me. It's not something any of my family or friends would dream of imposing on visitors.

Why not just assist your father to remove his outdoor shoes and put comfy slippers on? Or wipe the bottom of his shoes before entering the house.

I dunno, check with a Japanese person, this must happen in Japan all the time as people never where outside shoes indoors.

We are a no shoes in the house family, but that doesn’t extend to my 95 year old mother. She needs her shoes for balance - she’d be an ever greater fall risk without them on.

And I’m assuming your father is mostly housebound, given his mobility challenges, so it’s not likely that his shoes would be dirty anyway?

YANBU but as a compromise could you get some disposable shoe covers from Amazon and have a box by the front door

It really shouldn't need explaining though.
Next time your dad comes in say to your partner can you get dad a cup of tea while i get him comfy in the chair. I wouldn't make any reference to the shoes because the floor is not more important than anyone's comfort or safety, especially an elderly or unwell parent

Just tell your partner that for balance and safety reasons your dad needs to wear shoes in case he falls. That it's painful for him to put on and remove them so he's not doing it anymore.

If that's a problem then you have a very shit boyfriend.

To add I think it's beyond madness to assume one person as a one off will forever damage your home drag it down to the sewer.

It's madness

Plenty of us have a shoes on policy and we live and as we don't eat off the floor itndoesnt affect us
.

I've had this exact situation in someone else's house actually with a very ill df

He had severe rheumatism and arthritis and even with me helping him he needed to try and sit to get them off
.

As I watched his host watch him and glance at the teeny bit of debris on her floor I thought what is the world coming too.

How have we come to the point where and elderly mans comfort at possibly his last Xmas comes below a carpet that can be hoovered and cleaned if necessary.
It made me feel a mix of emotions from revolted ,sick horrified and sad
We haven't crossed that threshold again and the elderly man has passed and died soon after.

I have a no shoes indoors policy in my house, but in this case I'd just allow him to keep his shoes on and would steam mop hard floors after.

Us too if going upstairs (kitchen is down a few stairs so idk about that), but I never asked anyone infirm to remove shoes if going in to the living room.
It does keep the carpets cleaner and it’s pretty much the norm where I am.

Let the poor man keep on whatever footwear he is most comfortable in and safest in.

My elderly husband has significant balance and mobility problems, has also had several falls and has painful feet. He is far more stable and comfortable with shoes on than wearing slippers or just socks. Without shoes on he can barely lift his feet off the floor and that impacts on his balance.

If your partner is absolutely amazing in all other respects and you don't want to upset him over this one thing, could you get some of those plastic over shoe things for your dad, so that he can sit on a chair and you pop them over his shoes? (Not that you should have to of course).

Is your partner this controlling about other things?

Why is the first thought 'will the floor get dirty' and not 'does father need help' ?

WTAF?? No of course you're not being unreasonable, and your other half is being an utter twat. And if he/she is so upset by the idea of a bit of dirt, they can do the mopping themselves!

This.

Eh? Bacteria aren't vitamin B

I've had times when I have been on two sticks post surgery. All my friends have completely understood that it is not the time to take my shoes off. If they hadn't I would have gone away and thought less of them. Haven't these people ever heard of reasonable accommodations? And anyone who is so germphobic that they would ask OP's father to take off his shoes needs professional help.

Yes. People with mental health issues can be very selfish.

My point was this was elderly MIL’s choice in her own home. She was the one suffering and dying but never once did she wear shoes in her own home. She just couldn’t abide shoes inside.

I wouldn't ask someone with
mobility issues to wear them, they can be very slippery especially if he wears 'proper' shoes, not trainers).

@CyanSloth your DH is a nasty twat. Mind you the way you talk about 'allowing him in' isn't much better. I'm surprised he bothers to visit.

If anything in my house is more imporant than causing issues to an elderly or anyone with physical issues then I would need my head examined

"dad/anyone it doesnt matter if you struggle or are in pain my need to keep my cream carpet clean is way more important'' seriously?

That's a great suggestion to the current issue.

As someone else noted, he's probably struggling at home too. I've got advanced degeneration in both hips with associated loss of movement (at least 75% reduction in range of movement), shoes kill!

Things you can get him to help:

• google sock putter onner - really technical name but there's snifty things so you don't have to reach your toes. I've attached a pic of the one I use
• find some shoes that don't have laces. Skechers, whilst not the epitome of fashion, are brilliant for this. Really comfy soles (got them after tearing my plantar fascia) and you can get slip on versions which I use all the time.