Unwell Father Removing Shoes

agreed

I think its unreasonable to have people remove their shoes for a hard floor at all.

@CyanSloth Tell your DH he's a prick of the highest order. Perhaps he might reflect on his self righteous cuntery when he's old, ill and in pain.

You make it sound like you think your mils behaviour should be the standard for everyone, or like you think because she chose to manage it then it’s not that hard.

OP says that she offered to mop floors after he’s gone so it’s the scenario you suggested of cream carpets. Personally, if I wanted people I love and care about to visit me and feel welcome in my home, I’d consider this in my choice of flooring, if I wanted to choose a cream carpet while having children and guests etc, then I’d have done so knowing how hard they are to clean and keep looking nice.

My best friend is very similar to your mil, she’s got really poor mobility but she puts herself through multiple extra cleaning tasks every day because she also has severe dirt and germ related OCD.

I have the same physical disability she does but it’s more advanced, alongside another that can cause me to faint when leaning forward and the way she goes on makes me feel like I’m not welcome. She is one multiple heavy pain meds, morphine, fentanyl etc and thinks that I should go on them too so that taking my shoes off isn’t as painful, she thinks because she still managed, that everyone with her disability should be able to do it, she has turned her elderly family away if they’re unable to take their shoes off on her doorstep. She’s had a couple of falls herself when putting shoes on and off, so you’d think she’d understand why her elderly and disabled family want to reduce risks. She then moans that nobody wants to spend time with her.

Oh this thread is triggering a previous job where I worked from a "family office" in the house. It was a shoes off house. The PA changed into slippers every day. I could not bring myself to wear slippers at work. I kept my shoes firmly on. The floors were not carpeted. And the housekeeper mopped -all day every day-

Of course he can keep his shoes on. But if he is struggling to get them on and off can you look at finding him some that are easier to wear?

It's a falls risk

Of course you're not being unreasonable. I prefer no shoes in the house and I always take mine off if I go in someone else's but I make an exception for my elderly mum. She actually prefers to take hers off too but can't always manage it.
Honestly, keeping the carpets nice is great but not at the expense of someone's health and well being.

From what I’m gathering they both operate a non shoe policy

I'd like to know what your DH would have done with me for 2 years after having a stroke. I took me 20 minutes to put my shoe on !

Shoe covers are a slip risk if you’re frail. And you have to get the bloody things on. People, don’t do this to your elderly.

if Skechers work, great. But if you have weak joints they are too floppy to be supportive.

This thread is an eye opener about the cluelessness of the gen pop about disability.

Agree 100%. I never knew such a thing existed before discovering MN. I don’t know one single person who has this rule and I visit many houses every week. Would never ask anyone to remove their shoes before coming into our house either. The world has gone mad.

Both of my grandparents’ homes as were many other family members were shoes optional homes for this very reason. We had several family members and friends who were older and/or had mobility issues.

DF is starting to struggle with this.

You have slip on style shoes that are easier to take on and off, but if it's getting up and down from sitting that is the issue, then really you only have the option of shoe covers for carpets or letting it slide.

I personally would find it hard seeing someone struggle physically and still insisting they do it.

Or wipe the bottom of his shoes before entering the house

is this a fucking joke? As if life isn’t hard enough for those with mobility issues, they now have to be degraded by having someone wipe the soles of their shoes before they visit their child?

Shoes on inside, occasionally, is really not a big deal. Do people spray dettol on people’s clothes if they’ve travelled in the tube and will be burning all kinds of germs in on their clothes? Bloody hell, people can be ridiculous.

OH is a massive dick.

I won't be asking my Dad to remove his shoes. He is too unwell and it's unfair to ask him to do it when he struggles so much. I'll clean up once he's left but this is non-negotiable and I won't be discussing it further.

YANBU. Your dad needs to keep his shoes on.

My mum has had foot/leg pain issues for years and has to wear shoes. Her shoes stay on regardless of people’s rules. If she takes them off she can’t walk around. I think the only exception would be if her shoes were dirty or muddy. If they were she’d take them off, clean them and put them straight back on.

Man alive, your OH sounds like a colossal cunt.

Yeah, you're not wrong there. He seems like he doesn't care about the poor guy regardless.

Not unreasonable at all.

The sketchers easy ons are very good though. They were a game changer for my dad. I remember taking him to a medical appointment and all the men his age had that same pair of shoes on, it was amusing.

Offices are different because they’re commercial, not ours and who cares about stuff like that in the office. I’ve automatically taken my shoes off as soon as I come in my house (all carpeted except kitchen/bathroom) for so long that seeing people on telly walking around carpeted homes in shoes seems very odd to me and I always notice. I’m not extreme about it though re other people, I never request people remove their shoes (unless they got caught in a heavy downpour) and am always polite. An elderly unwell person, whether family or not, I would never impose my preference on them.

Your dp is neither a kind nor a good man

I always take my shoes off when entering the room when I stay in a hotel and if I worked in an office I'd switch to indoor shoes or hard soled slippers on arrival (though that would be more for comfort than cleanliness but would help keep the office cleaner anyway)

I’ll put money on him not being amazing in all other respects. That kind of neuroses doesn’t tend to contain itself neatly to one thing.

Yanbu!

We have a no shoes in the house rule but I don’t enforce it with guests.

I think it’s courteous to remove your shoes when visiting other people’s homes, especially if they have little children crawling around and playing on the carpets. However I definitely wouldn’t expect our older and unwell relatives to remove their shoes.

I also think giving people shoe covers is extreme.

I hate shoes worn in the house but I’m humane enough to have exceptions. Your dh sounds very uptight and the fact you’re even concerned about it makes it sound like you live in an uptight house rather than a loving home. Is your dh a highly strung fusspot generally?