Party dilemma- how to word this?

Ah this is so sad, it’s not your responsibility but would be so kind of you to find a way to get her to the party. Could you make two trips?? Or could another person with a bigger car drive? It sounds like this girl has an awful home life and I bet going to this party would mean a lot to her. Children in bad situations will remember the adults who went above and beyond for them for the rest of their lives.

Just ask the other party parents if anyone can give her a lift. It’s not complicated!

Add: Transport arrangements for friend". as it stands it sounds as if you are not inviting them.

What have you decided to do?

Wow to some of these responses.
I think it's ok to either not invite her or not take responsibility for her transportation if mum won't bring her.
You can compensate to your daughter and the girl by having a playdate that's a bit more special than usual, if so inclined.

PPs clearly have no idea that when you are in contact with children who are being abused or neglected, you will almost inevitably come up against your own powerlessness to make it all go away with the click of your fingers. Kind gestures and inclusion still count for a lot, and it sounds like you've been on that. Getting her to this party isn't the the only opportunity for that.

Have you read the thread? The girl has suffered abuse and neglect.

😮

Please tell me it was reported and taken down?!

This poster thought it was appropriate to write a poem about an OP who had been sexually assaulted and then post it on their thread, so I'm not sure I'd take any of their suggestions seriously

Saying it’s full when it hasn’t been before makes it sound like friend is bottom of the pile. I wouldn’t mention a full car (has OP even said it will be full?).

I wouldn't be borrowing anyones car for anything.
Your more likely to have an accident in a strange car and I would be your fault so need to repair / replace the car. No chance.

Honestly it is not the Ops responsibity to get the child to the party. Ubers and borrowing cars would be an absoute No from me.

The party needs to be about DD focusing her energy into her new friends. Also its an oppertunity for Op to actually say Hello to the other parents.

Op I think you need to put it to DD that Sally might feel a bit out of it not knowing the other girls and it might be nice to do something seperate with Sally at another time.

Op you also have to think long term here. While I appreiate you want to keep an eye out for the friend, you cannot change her life. Only you can decide if its worth hanging onto the friendship or let it drift / encourage DD to focus on her new friends.

Presumably with your "more kinder" approach you'll have messaged the OP offering to transfer money for this Uber you keep banging on about then. Job done!

The Uber idea is a bit bonkers. What I would do is sent a message to the other parents asking if anyone can offer the child a lift. Then message the parent with details of the party and that X is going the same way and can give a lift if she needs one.

I don’t see why the mum needs to know any of the others coming in order for her daughter to have a lift. Can you say to the mum, could you organise an uber, or let me know if you’d like me to ask round the other mums for a lift

That bit wasn't lost on me. You're assuming these are identifiable details – how do you know that OP hasn't changed anything about ages/genders etc?

OP you've had some mad responses on this thread but a cheaper more practical solution would be if you have any family or friends who have insured their car for third party use. I was thinking you could borrow an extra car for the day, which could also be useful for transporting party supplies etc.

Sorry that this situation is so complex. It sounds like you have handled it so thoughtfully.

Wishing your DD a lovely birthday party 🎉

Clearly my main point was lost on you. It was revealing the SA details which I find inappropriate mainly. Also, these could be false allegations and she is putting them on the internet like they are factual. The internet has skewed your mind if you don’t see why that’s problematic

You do know that MN and other internet parenting forums are designed so people can ask others how they might handle a situation themselves, no matter how obvious the answer might appear? If that concept is so ridiculous to you, why are you on MN answering people?

@Ahfiddlesticks apologies - you have already reported it. I should add that each time you see her you should report it.

Poor kid. I really feel for her. Aside from the party this is really serious.
@Ahfiddlesticks

If she smells that is neglect. Neglect is abuse and you need to report it.

Report to the DSL at her school. Or contact the NSPCC or pr phone 101.

Whatever the outcome of the party issues, there are more important things here. You need to help protect this vulnerable child.

Safe guarding is everyone’s responsibility.

Are you dim? Where did I suggest transportation? That’s not my suggestion. My suggestion is construct an answer for yourself. It’s easy. Invite and say no lift. Or don’t invite. Don’t post on the internet despicable details about an extremely vulnerable child’s homelife. It’s almost gossipy. If this site was ever to be hacked and names leaked, or someone who knew you in real life could figure out it was you, if you post a lot easily done, then you are posting revealing details about someone. Think more

Or the parent could, if they wanted to. I don’t think it’s mean at all