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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party dilemma- how to word this?

369 replies

Ahfiddlesticks · 23/11/2025 20:17

DD (7) has a friend. Friend has a not great home life (social services are involved sporadically). For the past 2 years for dd birthday she has invited this child and the parent has contacted me to say that friend would love to come but as they do t drive of need to collect and take her home, which I've agreed to as dd really wanted her to come and we had space in the car.

This year we won't be able to take the friend - how do I word the invite (it's via text) to say this?

TIA

OP posts:
Ophy83 · 23/11/2025 20:49

CalmShaker · 23/11/2025 20:19

Awww that sounds a bit mean, can you not send for an Uber?

How on earth is that mean?! They are inviting the child to the party

RessicaJabbit · 23/11/2025 20:49

CalmShaker · 23/11/2025 20:19

Awww that sounds a bit mean, can you not send for an Uber?

Why can't the parents do the Uber??

101Alsatians · 23/11/2025 20:48

Jesus, help the poor kid. It surely doesn't take much initiative to ask around for a good person to help out a little girl to get to a birthday party.

MasterBeth · 23/11/2025 20:45

NovemberRedHolly · 23/11/2025 20:20

Why should OP arrange this? If they can’t get their own child there and back they’ll have to decline.

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To be nice?

Tink3rbell30 · 23/11/2025 20:44

The first few posts have good suggestions. Poor little girl, if she doesn't come which I assume she won't be able to now I would keep her a party bag and have her over another time.

Yonnoy · 23/11/2025 20:44

Ahfiddlesticks · 23/11/2025 20:40

None of the other parents know the this child. And not trying to be mean, but she smells very bad - I wouldn't want anyone else to have to sit in a car with it who doesn't already know the family.

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Then I'd go out of my way to make sure she gets there. Even if my own DD went with a different friend. I can't imagine excluding a child who is obviously uncared for in many other respects

User564523412 · 23/11/2025 20:43

Ahfiddlesticks · 23/11/2025 20:40

None of the other parents know the this child. And not trying to be mean, but she smells very bad - I wouldn't want anyone else to have to sit in a car with it who doesn't already know the family.

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How does your daughter know this girl though? If she's a school friend then surely mutual mums will be aware of the situation and may be willing to help. If the girl is actually a lovely person, then she must have other friends too?

If she isn't from the same school then how does she know her well enough to want her at the party for 3 consecutive years?

CalmShaker · 23/11/2025 20:43

Izzywizzy85 · 23/11/2025 20:41

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

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What the bloody hells that supposed to mean

Izzywizzy85 · 23/11/2025 20:41

CalmShaker · 23/11/2025 20:28

bit mean that

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🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

CalmShaker · 23/11/2025 20:41

Smells really bad?
This is unbelievable ,,, and you other Mumsneters ran me down for trying to be nice regarding an Uber

Original poster
Ahfiddlesticks · 23/11/2025 20:41

It relating to the smell, not calling the friend it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ahfiddlesticks · 23/11/2025 20:40

PurpleThistle7 · 23/11/2025 20:38

Personally I’d ask the other parents first if it’s not too far out of anyone’s way. I’d take a child to a party in this scenario, no issue at all. And I’d feel terrible if she missed out just because she happens to have parents who are struggling.

None of the other parents know the this child. And not trying to be mean, but she smells very bad - I wouldn't want anyone else to have to sit in a car with it who doesn't already know the family.

OP posts:
User564523412 · 23/11/2025 20:39

Ahfiddlesticks · 23/11/2025 20:32

We can't afford to spend £50 getting a kid to and from a party, nor am I comfortable having a child alone in an Uber.

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Also cash handouts like that won't solve any problems. It might be a nice one-off gesture but the poor girl is not going to have people figuratively paying for her Uber for the rest her life. What about the party next year? And the year after that? It would be even more awkward to tell her parents that you can no longer be the family who pays for a taxi for their daughter to attend a party.

At some point it might be awkward or even shameful for the girl to realise that the hosts are paying for her to travel to a party which should be organised by her parents. It should be her parents responsibility to get her to and from parties. SS isn't an excuse to permanently stop making an effort to get your child to parties or learn how to drive.

PurpleThistle7 · 23/11/2025 20:38

Personally I’d ask the other parents first if it’s not too far out of anyone’s way. I’d take a child to a party in this scenario, no issue at all. And I’d feel terrible if she missed out just because she happens to have parents who are struggling.

Ohpleeeease · 23/11/2025 20:36

Well then you just issue the invitation in the knowledge that the child probably won’t come. It will be disappointing but you can’t fix their home situation.

TheatricalLife · 23/11/2025 20:36

With your updates saying it's accessible by public transport, I wouldn't worry about it at all. Invite as normal, and then explain about the new car if asked to give a lift. It's not your problem.

Bitzee · 23/11/2025 20:34

Make it clear from the offset that unfortunately you can’t do a lift this time. And I would tell the mum who else is invited in case she wants to approach them to see if they can help. But if no luck then offer a playdate instead.
Definitely don’t offer to put an unaccompanied 7YO in an Uber, such a weird suggestion, I wonder if that poster misread 7 for 17…

Hankunamatata · 23/11/2025 20:34

Just tell her unfortunately you have a new car with less seats so wont be able to do transport

Original poster
Ahfiddlesticks · 23/11/2025 20:34

User564523412 · 23/11/2025 20:30

Is the party entirely inaccessible by public transport? It seems very bizarre because there must be loads of families who don't have cars. Do all families who don't drive have to forfeit social things like parties and play dates?

Is the party at your home or at different venue? If so, why can't the girl get a lift from another party-goer? This seems more common than expecting the host to give a child a lift to and from the party venue.

No, it's entirely access by public transport. But the parents won't bother.

OP posts:
justalittlebitofrain · 23/11/2025 20:33

CalmShaker · 23/11/2025 20:19

Awww that sounds a bit mean, can you not send for an Uber?

Why should she?

Have you ever thrown a party for a 7 year old? If you had, you’d know the last thing she’d have time to do is fuck around getting a taxi for another 7 year old because their parent lacks the wherewithal to get them there themselves.

FastTurtle · 23/11/2025 20:33

BendingSpoons · 23/11/2025 20:23

DD is having a party on..... She would love Lucy to come. Unfortunately our car will be full so we can't give Lucy a lift. Let me know if you can drop her off. She's also invited Jane, Mary and Ella if you wanted to ask one of their parents to share lifts.

I don’t think this is fair for Jane, Mary and Ella’s parents.

Original poster
Ahfiddlesticks · 23/11/2025 20:32

CalmShaker · 23/11/2025 20:28

bit mean that

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We can't afford to spend £50 getting a kid to and from a party, nor am I comfortable having a child alone in an Uber.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ahfiddlesticks · 23/11/2025 20:31

We can't do it this year as we have a new car which won't fit her in.

Unfortunately the mum doesn't know any of the others coming or I would ask if someone else could give a lift.

OP posts:
User564523412 · 23/11/2025 20:30

Is the party entirely inaccessible by public transport? It seems very bizarre because there must be loads of families who don't have cars. Do all families who don't drive have to forfeit social things like parties and play dates?

Is the party at your home or at different venue? If so, why can't the girl get a lift from another party-goer? This seems more common than expecting the host to give a child a lift to and from the party venue.

TheatricalLife · 23/11/2025 20:30

Maybe she'll be able to catch a ride with another parent? It's not for you to sort out obviously, but she could ask around.

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