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AIBU?

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Original poster

Party dilemma- how to word this?

369 replies

Ahfiddlesticks · 23/11/2025 20:17

DD (7) has a friend. Friend has a not great home life (social services are involved sporadically). For the past 2 years for dd birthday she has invited this child and the parent has contacted me to say that friend would love to come but as they do t drive of need to collect and take her home, which I've agreed to as dd really wanted her to come and we had space in the car.

This year we won't be able to take the friend - how do I word the invite (it's via text) to say this?

TIA

OP posts:
Original poster
Ahfiddlesticks · 23/11/2025 21:04

pteromum · 23/11/2025 21:03

Absolutely yes.

it is your daughter’s friend, they are so little. She has lost you and your daughter. Your daughter wants her there.

Go and get her the night before, have a sleepover, spoil her and include her and remain that constant for that poor little girl.

Show quote history

But I still couldn't get her from my house to the party!

OP posts:
lessglittermoremud · 23/11/2025 21:04

If the child who usually needs a lift is only going to know the birthday girl due to a school move, she’s going to feel pretty awkward anyway.
I would plan on a separate celebration with her, you could take her and your daughter to the cinema and then out for tea?
we do separate smaller things for one of my sons who has friends from different groups. He’s going to the cinema with a couple of mates from school and then have a pizza, gaming, sleepover party for his other friend that he knows from football but who doesn’t go to the same school.
That way no one is left out and our son gets to celebrate his birthday with who he wants to without worrying about anyone have a rubbish time because they don’t know anyone else.

MyDeftDuck · 23/11/2025 21:04

ToffeePennie · 23/11/2025 20:19

“hi, DD would like to invite friend to party at x location on y date. Timings are 3-5pm, food and cake. Please collect at 5pm. Sadly this year we do not have the space for friend, so can you please make arrangements? Thanks”

This

DontbesorrybeGiles · 23/11/2025 21:04

I don’t have a solution to your dilemma but the update about the girl smelling is sad. I remember listening to a podcast where 2 sisters from the Turpin house of horrors were interviewed and the only one who had ever gone to school reflected on how dirty and smelly she had been as a child and how none of the other children wanted to be her friend.

Tink3rbell30 · 23/11/2025 21:04

Oh this gets even more sad. Please be kind to this little girl and include her or at least do something seperate with her and DD.

ZaraCC · 23/11/2025 21:03

This makes me so sad. I would go above and beyond for a child like this - the lack of basic human kindness is astounding. I know that in my community (not in UK), community spirit would go out of their way to help. None of this is the child's fault.

pteromum · 23/11/2025 21:03

dammit88 · 23/11/2025 20:55

Oh poor little girl. I honestly think I would go out of my way to try and help her.

Absolutely yes.

it is your daughter’s friend, they are so little. She has lost you and your daughter. Your daughter wants her there.

Go and get her the night before, have a sleepover, spoil her and include her and remain that constant for that poor little girl.

BillieWiper · 23/11/2025 21:02

Is it really an abominable faff for the parent to bring them on public transport?
You could include info about nearest busses, train station etc with map from her house?

Just do the invite as normal as nobody would think that a fairly large kids party would involve the kid being delivered there and back by the hosts.

101Alsatians · 23/11/2025 21:01

So ideally,would be the parents.But if the kid has a troubled home life and sounds like from what you say, the parents wouldn't mind who takes her.

Couldn't you maybe try 'we can't do it,but I can ask around?' If they're okay with that,you've got nothing to lose by asking others so she can join.

PurpleThistle7 · 23/11/2025 21:01

Dollymylove · 23/11/2025 20:59

Why cant the mother take the daughter?

This was answered. Because the girl is being neglected.

Now I see the full story I wouldn’t invite her. Seems like taunting her really as you are sure she won’t be able to come without your help. I’d set up something separate for her and your daughter as this is just heartbreaking. Poor kid.

Original poster
Ahfiddlesticks · 23/11/2025 21:01

Dollymylove · 23/11/2025 20:59

Why cant the mother take the daughter?

No reason. She just won't. I mean she may have changed since we last saw her, but history tells me the child won't come.

I might just not invite her, I hadn't really thought of that (just asked dd who she wanted to invite and didn't go beyond that really).

OP posts:
Dollymylove · 23/11/2025 20:59

Why cant the mother take the daughter?

SouthLondonMum22 · 23/11/2025 20:58

I just wouldn't invite her. You know her parents won't bother getting her there and all it would do is cause the little girl to be upset.

Whoevenarethey · 23/11/2025 20:55

She isn't going to know about the party as they no longer go to the same school so why not just forget inviting her to the party and arrange a more convenient playdate that you know she is likely to be able to go to?
You know she is highly unlikely to attend as parents won't take her, so I wouldn't mention it at all and just have other friends from the new school at the party.

dammit88 · 23/11/2025 20:55

Oh poor little girl. I honestly think I would go out of my way to try and help her.

Linenpickle · 23/11/2025 20:54

Could your dd have a separate trip with this friend?

Original poster
Ahfiddlesticks · 23/11/2025 20:53

BlueSeagull · 23/11/2025 20:53

How close is the party? Is there a way you or dh could make two runs?

if this was a child with a ‘normal’ childhood I would be less inclined to put self out so much but sounds like she could really benefit from some extra kindness.

edited as I posted originally without meaning too

Edited

Eh?

OP posts:
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 23/11/2025 20:53

Is anyone else thinking @CalmShaker is the other girl's parent. A fucking uber 😂

BlueSeagull · 23/11/2025 20:53

How close is the party? Is there a way you or dh could make two runs?

if this was a child with a ‘normal’ childhood I would be less inclined to put self out so much but sounds like she could really benefit from some extra kindness.

edited as I posted originally without meaning too

Original poster
Ahfiddlesticks · 23/11/2025 20:52

101Alsatians · 23/11/2025 20:48

Jesus, help the poor kid. It surely doesn't take much initiative to ask around for a good person to help out a little girl to get to a birthday party.

I don't feel comfortable asking people who do not know the child or the family to go out of their way to give the child a lift.

OP posts:
Jamesblonde2 · 23/11/2025 20:52

CalmShaker · 23/11/2025 20:19

Awww that sounds a bit mean, can you not send for an Uber?

Jesus wept! Are you one of these parents who just gets things given for nothing?!

TheatricalLife · 23/11/2025 20:52

Poor little girl -the post about her smelling is really upsetting. I had a friend at primary school who had an absolutely shit, neglectful life and she smelled so bad. Unfortunately, she never managed to have anything resembling a normal life and became a drug addict who had her own children removed from her. I always wonder what would have happened had she had a better life as a child.
Hopefully this little girl will get a chance.
If she can't come, please save her a party bag and some cake at least.

RessicaJabbit · 23/11/2025 20:51

User564523412 · 23/11/2025 20:50

Because the party is fully accessible by public transport and the parents simply cannot be arsed to bring her there.

Edited
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I'm just wondering why it's on the OP to get the kid there?

Just invite them and when they say "picked her up" say "nope, can't this time...but bus 32 goes right by / taxis will drop there"

Original poster
Ahfiddlesticks · 23/11/2025 20:51

User564523412 · 23/11/2025 20:43

How does your daughter know this girl though? If she's a school friend then surely mutual mums will be aware of the situation and may be willing to help. If the girl is actually a lovely person, then she must have other friends too?

If she isn't from the same school then how does she know her well enough to want her at the party for 3 consecutive years?

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She is a school friend, but daughter isn't inviting other friends from that school (she's recently moved school).

OP posts:
User564523412 · 23/11/2025 20:50

RessicaJabbit · 23/11/2025 20:49

Why can't the parents do the Uber??

Show quote history

Because the party is fully accessible by public transport and the parents simply cannot be arsed to bring her there.