Party dilemma- how to word this?

@Ahfiddlesticks just invite her but say ‘we’ve changed car so unfortunately can’t offer transport this time - the party’s at X and bus Y goes right past the door’ or something like that?

I'm a social worker. I've taken appropriate action. Her behavior is indicative to me of sexual abuse

WTF!!! I think birthday party transport issues are the least important here. This girl needs immediate help.

She probably doesn't even have a swimsuit.

So send OP a private message so you can help this poor little girl? Very kind of you to offer

That's why I suggested swimming, a shower in a public pool when you come out, you could help her wash her hair with her wearing a swimsuit and its in public view not hiding away in the bathroom at home.

But I appreaiate it might not be that easy if she has no pool confidence. But shes not too big for arm bands etc.

Op its a tough one but I don't think having her at the party is a good idea.

Are you serious? They should make their child, the one whose birthday it is, travel with someone else?

It's sad that this girl has a poor home life but it is NOT OP's responsibility to make her happy.

How far is this child away from you? Make a special trip fgs, she has a hard time in life, maybe one of your friends could take your child with them to make space in your car.

It isn’t your responsibility to get her there, but given the circumstances, I’d try to sort it. I’d probably put one of my kids in with another parent, and pick the girl up

I agree. And I'll send you a DM to tell you that!

Quite staggered by the amount of posters giving OP a hard time and saying she just needs to make it work to pick up the friend and get her to the party.

No! OP does enough by the sounds of things and it's okay for her to say this one time that she cannot facilitate the friend getting there and back. It's a shame if the parents don't step up but guilt tripping OP is so unfair.

Seeing as they are no longer at the same school and the kid won't hear about the party, I would put the situation out of your mind now, proceed with you daughter's party.

If you are a social worker and are satisfied that all that can be, is being done for the girl, don't be guilted into jumping through hoops. If you feel like it, you can facilitate a play date in the coming month or so.

I would agree with pp who said that if the girl has an odor and other antisocial hygiene issues, other kids might be cruel to her at a party.

I don't think you can expect the OP to do that. It is very sad and I'm sure OP feels for this poor girl, but if she did anything that could be seen as overstepping then that could end poorly for her and for the child. It's a very sad situation and I hate these disgusting, neglectful parents. There is no excuse for that nowadays, now that contraception is so freely and widely available.

In the circumstances, I think that there’s a risk that your DD’s new school friends might pick up on the issues around hygiene/cleanliness and make inappropriate comments (intentionally or unintentionally) leaving both her and your DD upset. It will also potentially leave your DD in an awkward position as I wouldn’t expect a 7yo to have the social skills to navigate a situation where she is new to a group herself and introducing someone unconnected to a group and where that person has this noticeable issue.
Rather than invite her, host a special play date, whether just for her or other friends from your DD’s old school. I’d probably also come up with a way of washing her clothes and letting her have a shower. I’m sure others would think that that was inappropriate though.

How is Caitlin going to get to the party after sleeping over?

Plus the op doesn't want a sleepover.

I’d word it like this: just send the normal invite and when they ask for a lift just say sorry we have a new car so we don’t have enough space anymore! And then send transport links. That’s all you can do realistically.

Ignore this post. I started writing it when there were only a couple of responses and the thread movedon massively which I was engaged in bedtime wrangling.

Yes I agree with this, then if the family can’t make their own arrangements for the girl to come to your DD’s party, you just plan a separate little outing for them another time soon when you can give her a lift.

the onlu thing I can suggest OP is that you send very clear info re the bus...
'sorry we won't be able to pick her up as our new car isn't big enough. I know its a nuisance, but I've checked and you can catch the 36 bus at 3.30 just outside the post office and it goes right next to where we are having the party. Then to get back there's a bus at 6.15. '

you'd have to think about where the mum would go in the meantime and if going back is realistic

I get you don't think it likely friends mum will do this but some people really don't know how to use public transport and you can remove that barrier

Its not