To say “no” to the crop tops?!

Belly dancers wouldnt agree

So crop tops were ok once they started developing breasts?

I agree. Let her buy the crop tops, but have that discussion about appropriate dress for the occasion.

"Would you wear it at a funeral?", "non-uniform day at school?"

Then widen the discussion. "Why do the school say no crop tops, no spaghetti straps, no short shorts etc", "I wonder why the boys don't wear crop tops (and tiny shorts)?"

Why wouldn’t that be okay?

When I was 12 I had an allowance which covered my clothing - the only time my parents had any say over it was when they were taking me shopping for my birthday or Christmas.

It isn’t EVERYTHING. This isn’t my daughter nor her close friends’ styles and they manage to buy clothes from the usual high street and online retailers.

I wonder why clothing aimed at 12 year old boys isn’t as miniscule as that aimed at 12 year old girls? I’ve never seen a boy in a crop top or in shorts that show his bum cheeks. I wonder why?
The sexualisation of young girls is grim.

If she is spending her own money then you should not tell her how to spent it if you want to get the most out of the learning experience . Especially on something legal like a crop top.
make it forbidden fruit makes it more alluring too.
you can have a rule about what you will spend your money on
and another rule about what is suitable to visit granny / go for dinner / other family events.

and then let her work out her own fashion style.

she may hate them. Impractical and cold.

Great time of year to try one!!!!!! Might put her off them…..

It really isn’t ’their problem’. They are the ones who have the power to attack, or intimidate.

A predator is very much the prey’s problem.

I think you can say you aren’t buying them but with her own money no I don’t think you can
it is hard the number of times I have said wear a coat and that skirt is short (16) but clothes are so important at that age
look the fashion is back to the late 1990s early 2000s it is all what we wore back then

Crop tops are no here too. We’re a ‘nothing revealing' household. Yes it's men's problem if they sexualise someone but she has her own boundaries.

My DD has a great fashion sense and gets comments all the time on how well she puts outfits together. Nothing revealing in sight. She's a bit older than yours.
I don't understand not still guiding her, including boundaries with clothes tbh. Not having a say at all in her choice of clothes at 12 is a very strange concept to me. It’s another opportunity for discussion/bonding.

I had a no crop top rule with mine until they were both 13. Interestingly, I never had an issue from them about it, but other mothers would actually comment on my “strict” behaviours. And it wasn’t for sexual reasons that I didn’t allow them, I just didn’t like them. And tbh, I still don’t. At 12, I think she can follow your rules, but past that age they can make their own decisions. And it’s impacted both mine differently. I have one at 14 now who still doesn’t wear them, and one at 17 who has just left for college on this freezing morning wearing practically nothing up top. I felt cold for her. So making decisions now for them might or might not determine their fashion in the future.

My kids are older now, but at age 12 I definitely had some say over their clothes. I was the one with the money and buying them.

So are you okay with 12/13 year-old girls wearing those short shorts that show your bum cheeks?

Unfortunately fashion is very sexualised, however, the occasional crop top isn't a hill to die on. Unless there is a seismic shift in attitudes in the next couple of years this is something your DD will have to learn to navigate.

Try to separate discussions about the way women and girls are sexualised - and persuaded to accept it - from her specific clothing choices at the moment. Let her join the dots when she's ready.

Plus discussions on different clothes in different contexts, a swimming costume has a different impact on the beach or at a swimming pool than on the high street in winter. There's no reason for anyone to be banned from the latter, but it does convey a different message, so the important thing is that they have chosen the message not done it by accident.

Mine too!

Once they were in high school then I stopped having anything to do with what clothes they spent their money on and wore.

I only bought and paid for things I liked and wanted them to wear, but their birthday money and vouchers and allowance was their jurisdiction.

Many many men have a fetish for school uniform. None of us stop our dds wearing school uniform. My young teen dd was approached by a grown adult man at the station dressed in full length jeans and a massive winter coat. She did nothing wrong, he did.

I felt uncomfortable with some of my dds' choices but I had to examine my feelings why. The last thing I want is to teach them that they are responsible for how men behave around them or that there are bits of their body they should feel worried about other people judging.

I spent my teens in my brothers' oversized clothes, covering my changing body and deeply self conscious and anxious. I love to see my dds happy, healthy, confident and without such hang ups!

I agree with you, OP.

I think people on this thread who are claiming ‘it’s just belly skin’ or ‘just fashion’ should ask themselves why women’s clothes are tailored to reveal more skin than men’s clothes at all. And then of course – why apply this to children’s clothes, unless the objective is so they can feel and look like adults.

It’s all geared to make men look at women’s bodies. All of it. And no, my 12yr old isn’t taking part in that practice either while her clothes are still my decision.

I’m dreading this. Doubt I’ll ban them, because I think it’s important to let them make their own choices, but I do have an irrational hatred for crop tops. That’s my problem though, not hers.

I think it would be fine if she's wearing it with jeans/leggings and not a short skirt/shorts.

My parents disagreed with me wearing revealing clothes so I would just wear jeans and change in to a short skirt at a friend's.

I'm not saying your daughter would do that but kids are pretty strong willed and sneaky sometimes

You know full well that lingerie is not culturally appropriate clothing for walking around in outside the house.
Crop tops are.

Would you let your daughter go out wearing a long baggy nightdress? If not, why?

OP - let her buy a crop top or two to "try them out". She'll probably have moved onto the next fashion choice by the time it's actually warm enough to wear them on show.

Unreasonable, l see where you are coming from OP, but simply from the point of view it’s not worth getting worked up over this one. You will have bigger more important fish to fry without battling over this. Better to prioritise things carefully.

Listen it's just the fashion. It's not sexual

On non-uniform day when all the girls are in tiny black shorts and crop tops (whatever the weather) and the boys are dressed in comfy t-shirts and joggers, the argument that fashion has nothing to do with sex or the male gaze seems remarkably naive.

I’m surprised she lets you have any say over her clothes at the age of 12 🫣

So if she decided that she was going to walk around in lingerie, you'd be OK with that?

If not, why?