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Original poster

To say “no” to the crop tops?!

114 replies

DrivingMyselfUpTheWall123 · 23/11/2025 20:04

DD is 12 and is really finding her own style and she knows what she likes. I have one rule - nothing “revealing”. Each to their own but I don’t see a need for crop tops at her age! We’ve just sat down to browse the web and look for some things she can spend some birthday vouchers and money on but everything we see is cropped, bellybuttons everywhere, super tight and even low cut!

What’s worse, is this is what she now wants… previously she’s wanted baggy jumpers and tops with wide leg jeans and joggers so it’s been fairly easy. I’ve tried to steer her towards similar things just longer length but she’s not interested. It’s resulted in her getting frustrated that I keep saying no and what was meant to be a fun shopping spree, has ended with her in a mood.

Am I being unreasonable to have this rule or just super uptight?! Especially if it’s coming from her own money?

OP posts:
MincePudding · 24/11/2025 09:02

I think its important to ask yourself "why" 5 times and really think about the answers.

Why can't she have one? It's revealing.
Why is that a problem? Men might look at her.
Why is that a problem? Because she's 12
Why is your daughter having to change her behaviour to deter perverts? Because it keeps her safe.
Why is saying no to a crop top the solution to the problem?

Personally I'd look at how to keep your daughter safe without making it her responsibility to manage mens behaviour at 12 yo. Keep her with an adult, in a group, at safe places, monitor her comms channels, pick her up and drop her off so you know (roughly) where she is.

Bedtelly · 24/11/2025 09:02

NerrSnerr · 24/11/2025 09:01

When we’re talking about cropped tops for teens, unless we’re talking about sports wear, isn’t it something like this? High waisted jeans with a cropped top. Most teens are not showing loads of midriff like we would have done in the 90s with the low rise jeans.

Exactly how my daughter dresses 😂

Bedtelly · 24/11/2025 09:02

I actually don't think crop tops are too revealing. My 14 year old wears them a lot with wide leg jeans, I wouldn't say it looks revealing.

I would say nothing too low or skirts too short but would allow crop tops.

NerrSnerr · 24/11/2025 09:01

When we’re talking about cropped tops for teens, unless we’re talking about sports wear, isn’t it something like this? High waisted jeans with a cropped top. Most teens are not showing loads of midriff like we would have done in the 90s with the low rise jeans.

To say “no” to the crop tops?!
Isittimeformynapyet · 24/11/2025 09:01

ChubbyPuffling · 24/11/2025 09:00

Have decent network/content filtering software.

(Scunthorpe and Twatt pose particular issues. 🫢)

Show quote history

🤣

ChubbyPuffling · 24/11/2025 09:00

Isittimeformynapyet · 24/11/2025 08:56

Crumbs. What do people in Essex, Sussex and Middlesex do?

Show quote history

Have decent network/content filtering software.

(Scunthorpe and Twatt pose particular issues. 🫢)

StarlightLady · 24/11/2025 08:59

incognitomummy · 24/11/2025 08:21

If she is spending her own money then you should not tell her how to spent it if you want to get the most out of the learning experience . Especially on something legal like a crop top.
make it forbidden fruit makes it more alluring too.
you can have a rule about what you will spend your money on
and another rule about what is suitable to visit granny / go for dinner / other family events.

and then let her work out her own fashion style.

she may hate them. Impractical and cold.

Great time of year to try one!!!!!! Might put her off them…..

Remember though that “granny” could well be of the Woodstock and Sgt Pepper generation and once a teenager on the pill rather than playing “White Cliff of Dover” on a wind up gramophone.

DrProfessorYaffle · 24/11/2025 08:57

surprisebaby12 · 24/11/2025 08:41

It’s not unreasonable. Unfortunately men do se*ualise young girls, and dressing in revealing clothing may be normalised but it makes girls a target. Be consistent in the boundary so it doesn’t become an ongoing battle

Girls in school uniform is a very popular fetish for many perverts. There are whole internet sites and sex shops around this theme. Do we stop our daughters wearing school uniform?

Women and girls are not abused because of what they are wearing. What they wear does not give men any permission or justification to sexualise or abuse them.

If you follow that logic then all females are fair game at a swimming pool or athletics match. All female patients are just asking for it in a hospital, especially if they're in a theatre gown without underwear!

You do not become a target because of what you are wearing, any more than wearing a full length skirt and thick woolly tights stops you being raped.

Isittimeformynapyet · 24/11/2025 08:56

itsallabitofamystery · 24/11/2025 08:55

@Isittimeformynapyetwhat a gross comment. I hadn’t even thought about my children’s breasts! I thought about their age and their maturity, their ability to make informed choices. If you think about your children’s breasts, there’s something wrong with you!

How very MN.

Maryams · 24/11/2025 08:56

If we take it to the extreme should it be socially acceptable to walk around the streets in just underwear because "body positivity".

I feel for some reason for girls they want to show off all their bits when they "dress up for a night out".

Whereas the guys instead will dress up by wearing a smart shirt and nice trousers.

Isittimeformynapyet · 24/11/2025 08:56

ChubbyPuffling · 24/11/2025 08:54

Some people have firewalls and content filters.

Show quote history

Crumbs. What do people in Essex, Sussex and Middlesex do?

itsallabitofamystery · 24/11/2025 08:55

@Isittimeformynapyetwhat a gross comment. I hadn’t even thought about my children’s breasts! I thought about their age and their maturity, their ability to make informed choices. If you think about your children’s breasts, there’s something wrong with you!

ChubbyPuffling · 24/11/2025 08:54

Isittimeformynapyet · 24/11/2025 08:44

Can you not even bring yourself to type the word sexualised?

Show quote history

Some people have firewalls and content filters.

snoopythebeagle · 24/11/2025 08:52

surprisebaby12 · 24/11/2025 08:41

It’s not unreasonable. Unfortunately men do se*ualise young girls, and dressing in revealing clothing may be normalised but it makes girls a target. Be consistent in the boundary so it doesn’t become an ongoing battle

Men who sexualise young girls do so because they are disgusting - it has nothing to do with clothes.

Lou7171 · 24/11/2025 08:51

Maryams · 24/11/2025 08:45

Of course YANBU she's only 12. She should dress respectfully. Same reason we don't want our sons sagging their trousers.

I'm probably from a very different culture and faith to you, but we don't allow this sort of this at all. And especially not at 12!

I'm the same and I'm atheist.

BreakfastClubBlues · 24/11/2025 08:50

Mine is 13. She has a crop top that she wears to the gym (it's part of a three piece set) and another set with a cropped jumper, but she wears it with a t-shirt underneath.

I'm not a lover of crop tops on young girls either, but very much of the 'dress for the occasion' school of thought.

Maryams · 24/11/2025 08:45

Of course YANBU she's only 12. She should dress respectfully. Same reason we don't want our sons sagging their trousers.

I'm probably from a very different culture and faith to you, but we don't allow this sort of this at all. And especially not at 12!

NerrSnerr · 24/11/2025 08:45

surprisebaby12 · 24/11/2025 08:41

It’s not unreasonable. Unfortunately men do se*ualise young girls, and dressing in revealing clothing may be normalised but it makes girls a target. Be consistent in the boundary so it doesn’t become an ongoing battle

Dressing in a cropped top won’t make a girl a target (although unfortunately school uniform often does). Men sexualise girls because they’re pigs, not because there’s 1.5cm of stomach showing.

Fuelledbylatte · 24/11/2025 08:45

2 DDs here… the standard fashion regardless of how cold it is at the moment is baggy jeans, crop top and then oversized hoody or cardigan
Some do the shirt as a layer
Some do a jacket (bomber/leather types) as a layer
but crop tops/vest tops are the standard

Weve tried to do a ‘bit too much flesh at once ‘ approach- so no mini skirt & crop top looks but otherwise I think it really is the fashion and your DD will want to ‘fit in’

Isittimeformynapyet · 24/11/2025 08:44

surprisebaby12 · 24/11/2025 08:41

It’s not unreasonable. Unfortunately men do se*ualise young girls, and dressing in revealing clothing may be normalised but it makes girls a target. Be consistent in the boundary so it doesn’t become an ongoing battle

Can you not even bring yourself to type the word sexualised?

purpleme12 · 24/11/2025 08:43

I mean by child is 12 and she does have tops that show her tummy
But it's up to you
However there are still lots of tops out there that don't show any tummy so I'm not sure why you're not finding any

surprisebaby12 · 24/11/2025 08:41

It’s not unreasonable. Unfortunately men do se*ualise young girls, and dressing in revealing clothing may be normalised but it makes girls a target. Be consistent in the boundary so it doesn’t become an ongoing battle

snoopythebeagle · 24/11/2025 08:40

Lou7171 · 24/11/2025 08:37

Err cos presumably she's buying it?

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Which I find surprising - at 12 I had an allowance and was buying all my own clothes except for necessities.

Isittimeformynapyet · 24/11/2025 08:39

Lou7171 · 24/11/2025 08:37

Err cos presumably she's buying it?

Show quote history

Err, birthday vouchers and money.

Lou7171 · 24/11/2025 08:37

snoopythebeagle · 24/11/2025 07:36

I’m surprised she lets you have any say over her clothes at the age of 12 🫣

Err cos presumably she's buying it?