Aibu to expect ex to shower DC after swimming?

Mine grown up but I would never use the showers. It’s always chaotic and frankly I was always more concerned about verrucas.

So are pool showers often tbf.

And yet you didnt mention any of that in your OP 🤣

Would your son be able to say to dad or granny that he wants/needs a shower when he gets back to dads. Is he able to shower and wash hair independently? Does he rinse under a shower before getting into the pool?

Is there a reason he has the DC so little?

Yeah. Can’t get out fast enough. Just do it at home.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all OP. Can’t believe so many people think you are.
I swim often and chlorine absolutely damages hair and skin, and the longer it’s left on and not washed out properly the longer it’s had to work. Especially on hair.
I’d never not shampoo my own hair after a swim (even if it’s once I’ve got home). Your ex is just lazy and is passing the job onto you (or another woman by what you put). It’s also teaching good habits to get your daughter to wash her hair properly after a swim. Absolute laziness.

Mine never showered at the pool. The showers there were rubbish.

Parenting difference. I give mine a bath every night so I don't think it's a big hassle, wouldn't start a drama over it.

Remediation work!
Maintaining a good parenting relationship with your ex is far more important than a bit of chlorine in the hair.

We don’t shower at the leisure centre. There’s like 4 showers for too many children and they’re kind of gross. When they did school swimming last term the kids just rinse off and shower at home that night so it’s pretty standard here.

if this is a regular thing just assume it’s happening and Sundays are always shower night.

Didn’t realise how weird I was until this thread. I love the smell of chlorine. No faffing with showers for us. Also after school swimming lessons (usually morning) there’s no showering/shampooing etc and hair/skin survives to tell the tale.

I was a club swimmer in my youth, literally thousands of hours in council pools. Somehow I'm still alive with skin and hair intact.

I would never ever use public swimming showers to clean my kids. They came straight home and had a good clean shower at home.

This falls into the "don't sweat the small stuff" box.

Don't they usually bathe before bed?

This thread is fucking batshit. Chlorine is literally bleach, but skin kind. Who honestly thinks about this? It smells like a swimming pool because it is a swimming pool, and there are worse things to smell of. Would you rather your kids smelled of piss and B.O? That doesn’t happen because of the bacteria killing chemicals.

I have 5 kids and sometime, when their mates come over, I can smell what the family ate the night before. I’d much prefer to smell a pool. If they’ve been swimming then I’d be happy they were having fun, because so many ‘fathers’ do fuck all. Ask him to shower them properly….but otherwise, just fucking chill out.

It’s fine so long as they’re not getting rashes from not rinsing. If they are tell them to rinse themselves and job done. Rinsing before is important too if the chlorine irritates their skin (don’t know why but it is a thing).

Mine are 8 and 4. When they swim with school obviously no chance for a proper shower so they stay chlorine-y all day and have a bath or shower at bedtime. It’s fine. When I take them I wash DS4 there because boy hair is no bother but DD’s long thick hair is easier to deal with at home.

Not worth falling out over what is a minor parenting difference. And also if he did something else with them that wasn’t swimming then they’d still likely want a bath or shower before bed so I’m not sure how it creates loads of extra work…

My 5yo has a swimming lesson once a week and I leave her in her costume with trackies and a hoodie over it, pop her in the bath as soon as we walk in the door and then do tea. I’m sure the other parents think it’s a bit icky but it’s so chilly changing her (and there aren’t showers) so as far as I’m concerned back in the car, warmed up and in the bath 15m later is fine. And she has eczema, so I’d rather know all the chlorine is off her properly.

So ask him if he can let you know if they’ve been swimming and are likely to need a shower before bed?

we are lifelong swimmers. Generally unless the showers are up to a standard and private enough you can do it properly- ie no swimming costume, proper wash and hair wash, I wouldn’t bother. Add to the fact that communal showers can often be busy, cold, less than a slow drip at best…. Plus in winter it’s often so cold all I do is strip, rough towel and into a onesie and home.

obviously I don’t know the pool layout but if he’s a different sex to the children that may make it more difficult as well.

i wouldn’t shower at home as well, it’s miserable for kids getting wet, dressed, then getting home and having to get wet and dressed again. I’d wait until bed.

Also he may think you bath them on an evening anyway? It’s a pretty normal routine to bathe young children before bed isn’t it? Especially after a busy weekend.

sounds like you need a conversation about what your routine looks like.

Not everyone gets dry itchy skin or damzged hair

I agree with this, but also means you need to let their Dad make decisions like this even if it's very annoying to you.

Have you tried to discuss it with him, aside from mentioning DD's hair? Obviously, no idea what your relationship with him is like, but if you asked for him to do it as a favour, because it's really difficult getting it done after they're dropped off and before bed, and you don't want them to cut their day with him short? He might not cooperate, but can't if you don't ask?! He might think he's done what you've asked already by washing DD's hair.

Meh. My 11 year old daughter with long curly very thick hair swims 6 times a week. Sometimes she rinses, sometimes she shampoos, sometimes she does neither. She never conditions or ‘clarifies’. It’s really not the end of the world.

apparently the best thing you can do for chlorine is to shower before. Chlorine can’t stick (absorb?) as well to wet skin or hair. (To be clear my daughter doesn’t do this either but if it bothers you tell your kids to have a 10 sec shower before getting in…. But tell your kids not your ex)