Aibu to expect ex to shower DC after swimming?

That’s not how I’ve taken it. It’s just that he’s doing this differently. It genuinely won’t hurt your kids if they don’t shower till the morning after swimming if evening showers are a problem. From your OP it’s two Sundays a month and he “often” (so not always?) takes them swimming.

It really isn’t a huge issue. If this was twice a week it would be.

But the wife dictating what the husband should do is not give and take it is controlling

But have you explained all this to their Dad?

I'd tell your son that its just in case dad forgets, or that you're giving him his own because he's big enough now to take care of his own shampoo, or something like that.

I understand it takes time out of the evening etc., but it’s probably easier all round for you to get them both showered before bed, regardless of what they’ve done during the day. Personally I’d rather do this than risk him giving up the swimming, but as I said, I know it cuts into your evening time with your DCs and probably isn’t your preference (when with a bit more effort he - or his mum - could get it sorted!).

Urgh, bad design for a pool if there's only 3 showers. With that then yeah you can only do a quick rinse, but then surely a proper shower once home rather than leaving it all day like OP's ex?
Glad my local pool is designed well, plenty of showers off the changing rooms (so not in view of the pool or public). School swimming lessons factor in enough time for showering, though not for drying hair with the hair dryer as there's only 2, so they do recommend swim caps for very long hair.

I agree. I swim most days and if I didn't have a shower my skin would be o dry and would feel disgusting.

This

OP, a travel sized hair and body wash in your son's pocket could be what's needed here. Takes up barely any space so if no swimming it's not a hassle to have on him, but if they do go swimming her has his own stuff to do a quick hair and body wash in the showers.

For boys (assuming his hair isn't long) I'd assume this wouldn't be too taxing? (Though I don't know the extent of his autism).

I don't even rinse them after swimming, we wait til we get home (all of about 20 minutes from stepping out of the pool) and shower there. The swimming pool showers are a bit grim. I'd want him to get both of them in the shower at home.

Can you give DS shampoo and ask him to pit it in Dad's swim bag? Perhaps your reasonable irritation with your ex is focusing on this one not unsolvable problem.

Having worked as a lifeguard - definitely parenting differences.

Some people do a spa worthy post swim extravaganza in the showers. Others don’t go anywhere near. That includes the early morning swimmers who are heading off to school / college / work next and definitely not showering at home in between.

If there’s a skin reaction issue then that’s a sensible thing to discuss. If it’s the one realm of standard stuff then needs to be left between them and him.

@Natsku at our local pool there are 3 shower cubicles and they are all poolside. The pool also has floor to ceiling windows opposite these showers facing out into public space. No sauna, although the changing area feels like a sauna! So showers aren't placed well and not very numerous so don't really encourage a deep cleansing shower, so just a quick rinse and proper shower when you get home.

School swimming is a very hurried affair once you are out of the pool. Certainly no time for everyone to have full showers and hair wash, the swim session would take twice as long if that was going to happen!

I dont get the logic it is safe to swim in but somehow harmful when people leave the pool? I rinsed at first then thought why? So they were never bothered so not sure why I would be

Olympians mamage to spend lots of time in the pool with no harm, sure someone chooses to rinse fine but dont see the need to dictate another adult has too

Sorry, I missed this re autism. In that case I think trying to get them to shower straight after swimming could be totally unfeasible? The showers/ changing rooms at our local pool are insanely overcrowded and cramped on evenings and weekends. It could just be too much for them surely?

But I still think this doesn't seem worth picking a fight over.

I take daughter swimming and she then baths in the evening - the showers are too busy for us to handle around that long!
am I a bad parent - no! If you know he is not going to shower them then just plan it into your evening surely?

You take her home in her wet costume with clothes over it? Surely that's really uncomfortable for her? Why not strip her costume off before you put on the tracks and hoody?

I wouldn't be happy about this either, should always shower straight after swimming (and beforehand too). Even with school swimming the children are expected to shower properly afterwards at my children's schools, and encouraged to go to sauna too to get properly clean, so I'd expect the same at the very least when swimming with a parent. But you might have to just encourage your children to do it themselves, at least your older one.

I think you're being a bit U, but I never bothered forcing mine through the showers post swimming. They just bathed / showered at home that evening as normal. It doesn't seem worth picking an argument with the ex over this. I'd be delighted if this was the only issue I had with my ex!

Chlorine is bad for skins and hair especially if you swim regularly. Washing with a small amount of soap and shampoo is appropriate. Kit should also be rinsed through to prolong life of the elastic!

I sense an underlying antagonism towards ex.
The showering might simply be a peg to hang this on.
This is why it is best to say nowt and try and keep the joint parenting as amicable as possible.
This really is a very small and unimportant issue and not worth jeopardising the joint parenting relationship by raising it and starting conflict. There are years of this to come.

Ridiculous