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AIBU?

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telling child Elf on the Shelf isn’t really

163 replies

toastofthetown · 23/11/2025 17:01

Academic for me at the moment because mine is still a baby, but I really don’t want to do Elf on the Shelf. I hate the surveillance aspect of Father Christmas anyway without bringing an elf snitch into the house. But they are so popular, I’m sure my child will ask at some point why we don’t have an elf so would I be unreasonable to say that we don’t have an elf because the elves aren’t real and it’s the parents doing it all? I’d say not to say anything but children do talk among themselves. I don’t want to spoil any other family’s magic who love it, but ultimately it’s the reason we won’t have an elf and it’s something that won’t make my child feel lesser for not having one.

OP posts:
Girasoli · 23/11/2025 17:11

I've never done it and DC have never mentioned it (age 9 and 5).

There's so guarantee even if they hear about it they will think it is real, DS1 always thought the Easter bunny was just a fun thing from movies and only really believed in the tooth fairy for a year or two. He's unsure about Santa.

Imissgoldengrahams · 23/11/2025 17:11

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 23/11/2025 17:01

I’ve never done it and my 9 year old has never asked about it.

Same
I have 4 dc.
It wasn't really a thing when I had my first but now its become really big
I simply cba so won't be doing it

JinglingtoChristmas · 23/11/2025 17:08

We have Christmas fairies they do some thing nice around twice a week but the year my Mum died it was a lot less. They do things like set up fairy toys, leave a couple of colouring sheets or a Christmas card, occasionally leave a Christmas themed giner biscuits. Nothing big and when they did some thing it was not expected and exciting.

Moonnstars · 23/11/2025 17:07

We have never done the elf. My kids have asked and I have just said we don't need an elf in our home. They were probably old enough when they first asked to know it's adults moving them and whoever they asked after I just said we have enough going on without dealing with an elf as well.

Anonna123 · 23/11/2025 17:07

We don't do it and neither of my kids have brought it up

OttersMayHaveShifted · 23/11/2025 17:06

You don't need to say that to her. If she asks, just say 'We don't do elf on the shelf.' If you need a reason, just say he's not very nice!

WhatIsTheCharge · 23/11/2025 17:06

Elf on the shelf wasn’t a thing when I was a kid…..but once we reached an age where we started questioning all the magic surrounding Christmas/Santa etc I think my parents nailed it, and I plan on using the same strategy when my children reach that point.
My parents told us that people are the magic of Christmas. Parents, siblings, other family members etc are the magic and they make it special for younger children. So once we were old enough, we also became keepers of the magic for the little ones 🥰

Littlechristmaspuddings · 23/11/2025 17:06

I don’t want to do it this year. We struggled for ideas last year and forgot on a few occasions so had to go back down to think of something. This year the elf has written the dc a letter explaining the North Pole is even busier so Santa needs the help of even the naughty elves . We have one of those hanging advent things with a little gift/chocolate in for each day from the elf as a sorry I can’t come to stay . Next year he will prob be on a festive cruise and have to do the same 😂😂

LittleBearPad · 23/11/2025 17:06

Just ignore it. We’ve never done it and neither child has ever mentioned it at all

APatternGrammar · 23/11/2025 17:05

Only do that if you want your own child to question Father Christmas and the Tooth Fairy and to have other parents complaining that your child has told theirs.
I just say that we don’t have the elf in our family. They are fine with that.

FagotsAndPeas · 23/11/2025 17:05

You are being unreasonable to expect a small child to keep it a secret.
You are NOT being unreasonable to not participate.

All you need to say if asked is that not every house has an elf, I've never done it and it hasn't been an issue!

PinkPonyClubDancer · 23/11/2025 17:03

Well yes, you’re being unreasonable to tell them it’s not real yet apparently don’t want to spoil it for others, because that’s exactly what will happen if you do.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 23/11/2025 17:01

I’ve never done it and my 9 year old has never asked about it.