telling child Elf on the Shelf isn’t really

Lots of kids will tell your children santa isn't real. My children went to a very multicultural school where many of the children don't do santa either because they celebrate other religions or a quite evangelical Christians and it wasn't the done thing.
I told my children (who are somewhat ironically atheists, though given FC is naff all to do with the bible not that ironic) that we believe in FC the same way other families believe in God or Allah. They were fine with their mates saying he wasn't real.

You do whatever you want to do in your house. And please don't worry about "ruining" it for others. We have a non-traditional approach to Christmas and have always used it as a way of teaching tolerance of other people's beliefs - essentially I tell my children that we no more go around telling other children Santa isn't real than we go around telling Christians/Muslims etc that god isn't real. It's upsetting and disrespectful and we have to be respectful of other people's beliefs, even if we don't agree with them. This also has the added beneficial (in my view) effect of putting "Santa, elves, fairies etc" in the same category as "god". Made up things that people use as methods of behavioural control.

We absolutely don't all have to participate in the Christmas stories if we don't want to!! We are atheists that celebrate Christmas but talk about how there has long been a celebration at this time of year, since pagan times. We enjoy our family time and games and food and keep our gifts low-key. There seems to be so much pressure to conform at Christmas, so many people worried about keeping up with gift spends, Santa visits, performative social media decorations and elves. You do it how YOU want to do it! The stupid surveillance elf has only been a thing for about a decade!

EVERY year this topic comes up. And every year there are MNetters commenting that they didn’t like it when they found out their parents had been lying to them. Or the difficulty of explaining to their kids they have been lying. As parents we teach our kids to tell the truth, don’t tell lies but then at Christmas as adults….. parents tell lies to their kids. Crazy logic.

We never did with our kids. They are in their 20s now. They still get super excited about Santa coming, gifts under the tree, etc. It’s a very special time in our house. So much fun and joy. But without the lying!

Im not at all miserable btw. Just not into teaching kids it’s wrong for them to lie but fine for adults to do so.

I've never done it. my ds never ever asked. I just felt there was plenty with the traditional Santa stuff without throwing more at it.

what the man that leaves them loads of presents … yeah that’s terrifying !!!

Never say never! I never planned to. I might have told people they were idiots, when they moaned about it. DC1 had no interest at all.

However, DC2 started asking when he was 6, and clearly wanted one. It was around the same time DC1 confirmed he didn't believe in santa, so i thought it would be nice for DC1 to take charge of an elf for DC2. I have to admit, it was a few years of fun.

This year, DC2 doesn't believe and now wants to do a "revenge elf" to prank DC2. I have no idea how that will work, and am now still doing an elf no one even believes in.

Just tell your child that not every house has an elf.

YABU to overthink this. He won't feel 'less than anyone for not having one, and if he does, it would be a good opportunity for you to point out that we are all different and that's ok.OK.

How are you going to explain the massive piles of presents some kids get compared to the packet of crayons others receive, when the time comes? Teach your child from an early age that comparison is the thief of joy.

I’ve never done it (kids are 9 and 5), if they’ve ever brought it up I’ve just said we don’t do that. That’s been enough of an explanation, the nursery elf did fun things and they enjoyed that but even then, Santa brings the magic here and that’s enough. Given they see them in all the shops it’s pretty obvious they’re just tat toys!

I'd never heard of elf on the shelf until maybe 15 years ago if that. Seems like a bit of an odd concept, and to me honestly, unsustainable.
I love setting up little displays of seasonal things and toys, whimsical and cute, but I think it would be hell to have to do this for 25 days straight no matter how busy I was what else was going on in life, every year for how many years? 10 at least?

Honestly, it seems to be a tradition that was born around the same time as people taking photos of everything and then posting them to their social media, like if you make a really nice cake, and you take all these pictures and then you post it to say look at this beautiful cake I made. Well that's great it's great to show something that you're proud of, but it seems like a awful lot of people are doing this for the performative issue and I hate using that word because it's overused but it is true.

And the whole idea of the elf being like "big brother is watching?" So This creepy little doll who sits still during the day but comes alive and is mischievous at night honestly it sounds like the plot of a horror movie... And the fact that he's always watching you and he's going to snitch on you to santa? To me that sounds like a really good last minute / month of December tool to force your children into good behavior. I've heard people year-round use the threat of "Santa is watching, I'm going to call Santa if you don't go to bed now, I'm telling Santa that you were bad..." And that's what this reminds me of. So, if you don't want to do the elf, don't worry about the elf. No elf for you.

And anyone out there who loves doing the elf tradition and the creativity of it ... That's great. Cuz really, it comes down to whatever you're comfortable with, and not being forced into doing something that you don't really want to do. Just be happy. Christmas is supposed to be about being happy, not more work, not more stress.

My dd has always done 🎅🏻 with hers (now 10, 9, and 5), but never elf on the sodding shelf, and AFAIK the Gdcs have never asked for it, or shown any interest.

Well that’s just a straw man argument.

No, I am directly comparing the people who are performative about doing the elf, with people who are performative about not doing it. As you know. There are also people who are performative about neither.

My boundaries are: my children enjoy the elf, and their view is really the only one I care about.

I’ve never done it. My eldest did ask why we didn’t have one as most in his class do. I just said FC checks with mums and dads if they’re wanting an elf to come for surveillance/high jinks and we said no. He found the concept a bit creepy anyway so that helped!

We don’t do it. We just say we don’t and the kids are happy with it.

I assumed the Elf on the Shelf trend would pass but it doesn’t look like it’s budging yet. I’m really surprised to see people comparing it to Father Christmas or the Tooth Fairy. It’s only been around a few years and it’s just a toy that surely most kids see for sale in the shops? It doesn’t have the same magic or mystique to me at all. But then I’m not a child!

We won’t be doing it. DC is only 2 so hopefully we won’t get any awkward questions this time round. But when the time comes we’re already planning on blaming the cat and not my laziness.

DS now 14, never wanted to do Elf on the shelf as he thought the elf was creepy and disturbing.

Our Elf just simply plays hide and seek and moves to be found somewhere new each day. He brings the advent calendar and occasional treats in December (like Xmas books which would be a bit wasted if only presented on Xmas day). This will be our fifth year of doing it and DD absolutely LOVES it and has no idea that the proper concept is he’s a spy for Santa. It just isn’t something we’ve ever mentioned and nor has she despite being at school. It’s one more lovely little memory for them to believe in something magic for the shortest while, and so cute hearing them at school comparing what their elves were found doing this morning. A pain when you realise at midnight you’ve not moved it though!

We just don't do it. None of mine have ever questioned it.
If they asked, I'd tell them the truth.

The strangest thing is how much time and how much effort people spend to explain that "they don't do they elf".

Why? No one actually cares 😂
bet it takes me less time to move mine than it takes to people to type regularly: look at me, I am not doing it. ahem.. ok?!?😂

Have a nativity, have an elf, dress as Santa, it's up to you.

@WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing amen to that.

OP you do you. I have never done lots of other things people do but it’s your house and your traditions that you can tailor to your wants and needs.

what does an overweight man trespassing via the chimney and stuffing his face with mince pies all night actually teaches them? 😂

Hated it…. An elf that misbehaves in the house, which is meant to be ‘funny??’

yeah I know, I’m a total grinch …but what is that teaching kids???

apart from the fact, I couldn’t be arsed to think of new scenarios to put the little shit in every night.

We frame it as a Christmas lodger (we have infrequent lodgers so the kids understand this), an extended houseguest who causes mischief and helps spread festivities.

I really love the making different scenes n the kids find it hilarious. Sometimes they're funny.
Other times they're just cooking or reading a book n chilling

(We don't do Santa either, but talk about the characters of Christmas)

it can get in the bin along with every other commercially driven, US imported shite we have to put up with now. The list is as follows:

1. baby showers
2. gender reveals
3. christmas Eve box
4. matching Xmas family pjs 🤮
5. elf on the shelf

feel free to add your own….

Just say that not every house has one. Leave it at that.

They were only just becoming a thing when my dc1 was little. IME every parent either regrets starting it, or they end up being the sort to have spreadsheets in the summer planning what they are doing each and every day for December, buying props etc. only you know which type you’d be.

You don’t have to do anything elaborate or say it’s watching. I just move it to different locations around the house.