Santa conflict - present from Santa or no?

I grew up in a Jewish area and they all had Christmas trees and presents from Father Christmas (not Santa). No mention of Jesus, obviously!

Ridiculous. As if other Christmas traditions are somehow less special or fun. Honestly I have the most amazing Christmas memories from childhood and we never believed in Santa. If anything I feel sorry for the kids missing out on the sense of live and belonging which comes from knowing from whom each gift comes.

The excitement of finding the stocking and coming down for presents is no less if you don't believe in Santa.

The problem with santa is that it relies on everyone keeping up the pretence for you. And even in the youngest of nursery classes, at least one child will know with by design or accident that it's not true. So then you start asking children to lie and it becomes a really unnecessarily heated quagmire.

My children when they were young at Xmas was magical and hold the most special memories. The kids also feel the same.

You are depriving your child of such a special time and I know no families whose children ever felt deceived. I feel sorry for your daughter.

I don't know anyone who's child doesn't trust them or who didn't trust their parents purely because of Santa. It was just a social media bandwagon.

You will figure it out and it's not necessarily easy, and you wouldn't necessarily find an answer that will satisfy you either. I had no issue with Santa, to me it's just a 'myth' kind of thing that is mostly in good fun - my issue was more with explaining how she could get a present from Santa while there were initiatives set up to get toys for other children who would 'otherwise not receive any gifts'. I'm not even sure how we did deal with it, fudged it probably. And I don't doubt it's one of the reasons that led her to realising Santa isn't real. It hasn't harmed her or damaged her, she gets that it's a myth and there is a kernel of truth in the history of Santa and that it's just a seasonal thing. I think it's a decent tool for learning about truth v lies v myth. There's a reason children tend to figure it out all around the same kind of age. She also believed in fairies for a long time, same kind of thing. She maybe still does actually.

Let them be a child and enjoy the magic of it all for goodness sake. They grow up so quickly I'm sure you'll cope for the few years that they believe in Santa.

When DD was about 3, we told her Santa was a story. She wasn't in nursery at the time so didn't ruin the magic for others. In future years she went on to believe in Santa. She is 9 now and I don't think she actually believes but still enjoys all the fun of it.

She also has had imaginary friends, played endless imaginary games, teddies that have distinct personalities, loved unicorns, had money from the tooth fairy and an elf. She has asked questions, we have been reasonably honest/non-commital about the answers. But her distinction between real/pretend is less distinct. She enjoys magic and pretend and this is part of that.

Don't spoil your child's enjoyment because of your awful childhood. It would be utterly selfish. Have you had some help to deal with things?

How will you explain things when your child hears about Santa at school?

Of course it's far more magical for a child to believe in Santa than to know the truth. I can't imagine not giving a child a good few years of that magic.

We never said that Santa was real. We always maintained that Santa was a man who lived long ago and people keep up the tradition by pretending he's real. We also don't do the tooth fairy, but still have the "tooth fairy" - my dc knows it's all me! The magic of Christmas nor the excitement of getting a coin under your pillow has never been compromised in our house!! We didn't do the Easter bunny as that just felt too farfetched for me 😂 they just get their chocolate eggs from whoever gifts them chocolate lol.

No. Santa can be a story and you can have presents from Santa under the understanding it's not real.
Presents were always from actual people in my family and it was amazing. We had a Santa stocking as an in-joke too.
Your husband agreed not to do Santa and it's important for you not to lie to your children so don't. He can still have Santa stories and visit a grotto.
It just doesn't need to be real.

Same in our house. It's joining in a make believe game with your children .

Letting a small child believe in Santa is not deception. It’s the magic of childhood. They are only small for a short time.
Understandably your childhood has influenced your thoughts on this. But fast forward 20+ years, how will your child feel about her childhood when she is an adult, knowing that the opportunity of a pretty normal thing like Santa was never allowed in her childhood. Of course you can still make Christmas time special, but for small children the magic of Christmas time and the lead up is all about Santa. That’s normal in society, of course I know some religious communities don’t celebrate Christmas. But if you’re not in one of those communities, then your child will grow up questioning why her childhood was so different to her peers.
Kindly, don’t let your extremely adverse childhood influence you into making your child’s childhood different from the norm. There’s no harm in the magic of Santa and I’ve never known anyone to grow up questioning their parents for lying to them over that. Additionally, she will be the only one in her class at school not believing in Santa and your strong beliefs on “truth” could end up inadvertently spoiling the magic of Christmas for other small children.
Let her be a child and enjoy that childhood magic while she can…

Absolutely this! I’m in my 60’s and still remember hearing rustling in the hallway and hiding under the covers in case I saw Father Christmas! And looking into the skies with my own children to see if we could see him . Wondering how he got down the chimney. And the answer to any question ever about him was “ he’s magic” ❤️

Many years ago when the children were little, we always said that Santa was the postman who delivered presents from family. No gift or stockings were ever from Santa, no naughty or nice list, just simply that Santa got sent the presents from those that loved our children to deliver.

The children still had the magic of Christmas without the impication that present were from Santa.

We don’t do Santa in a big way - just the stockings are from Santa. Everything else is from who it’s from.

To be honest I don’t think I’ve ever even told my children about Santa, they just get the idea of it from nursery, school, a Christmas film, books set at Christmas (although you can avoid those last two if you want). They just pick it up, and I’ve never corrected them.

I don’t have a huge amount of time for the nonsense of “how dare someone tell their 11 yr old that Santa isn’t real, my child will be devastated to hear that at school!” I have no memory of discovering Santa wasn’t real, I was not traumatised by my parents “lying” to me, it’s just a fun thing for young children. I think my 6 yr old already knows he isn’t real because it’s obviously not logical at all.

I think your history is turning this into a bigger deal than it needs to be. And Santa is such a big cultural thing that I think it’s hard to avoid it.

You do get the odd person who feels betrayed and lied to about Christmas OP, but be realistic, if everyone thought it was awful when they found out, no one would do it to their kids, would they?

Of course believing in Santa makes it more special/ magical, going to see Santa, putting out the mince pie/ glass of milk, reindeer, elves etc.

I think it’s selfish not to allow this and also really unfair on your husband as he will be missing out on these memories too. I would honestly be devastated if DH didn’t want to do Santa.

Dont be so fucking selfish. Let your child enjoy the magic of christmas and father chirstmas while they can.

There is only a few years for children to have the excitement of the magic of Santa, for me I think it would be sad to not allow them to have it. It certainly doesn’t create a breach of trust in later life that you’re worried about. It’s such a lovely time for both parents and kids.

I always put out a glass of sherry for Santa and a carrot for Rudolph. It's pretty harmless and most of her friends will believe in Santa. Only one present from Santa though you want credit for the rest!

And she will still get presents from parents and grandparents, friends or wider family PLUS something from Santa. You can decide if you get a gift/stocking/put out a carrot for Rudolph etc.

Santa is different in every family.

Yes, nobody describes birthdays as magical. And that’s a day where you get presents from friends and family.

Of course it is. Mummy nipping to Smyths Toy Superstore is vastly different to the idea of a magical man flying through the sky with a sackful of presents. YABU OP.

Santa delivers the presents and provides the stocking, but the proper presents delivered by him come from grandparents, aunties & uncles etc.
It worked for us, especially as a lot of our family live several hours away.
So you could ask your DH to change his question slightly and to ask her what she would like Santa to bring her.....like a super speedy version of Postman Pat.
This clearly avoids the issue of kids wondering why the neighbours' kids have so much more or less than them.

The only Jewish people I know are mixed families so I don’t know what they actually say to the kids, but they all seem to do Santa, church and Hanukkah in various combinations.