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Original poster

My dad pushed my DS age 4

59 replies

clinellwipe · 23/11/2025 09:59

Visited my parents with baby and DS4 (awaiting autism assessment, is verbal). My dad (I am CERTAIN is autistic) is very playful with my son, my son adores him. But he does run out of patience.

My dad taught my son years ago how to blow raspberries. They both do it to each other as a game, do it on FaceTime too etc.

We all are on the tail end of a flu virus. My dad is irritable because he can’t cope with feeling unwell.

Anyway, whilst I was upstairs with the baby, my son was downstairs with my parents. My son blew a raspberry at him. My dad then pushed him (in an angry, get away type way) and my son fell onto the sofa. My son thinks this is hilarious and a game because why else would his beloved grandad push him etc. My mum immediately told off my dad. My dad then says “shall I just bugger off then ?”. My dad has driven off in his car about an hour ago, no idea where and to be honest none of us are particularly fussed. It’s for the best he’s not here.

I’m fuming. My mum knows he shouldn’t have done it but doesn’t want cause a drama. My DH thinks it was a stupid thing to do but says that my dad is “like that”.

I don’t particularly want to come here for Christmas Day now as I don’t want my dad to get so angered , perhaps if he can’t cope around my son he shouldn’t be made to spend time with us. But my son adores my parents and it would upset my mum if we didn’t go.

Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
butterycroissants · 23/11/2025 12:11

ExtraOnions · 23/11/2025 10:16

You weren’t in the room so don’t know how “angry” he was, your son wasn’t hurt in any way .. in fact he thought it was fun.

Sounds much more like your Mum over-reacted (and her’s is the only viewpoint you have) to some childish horseplay, that didn’t bother your Son in anyway.

You’ve now reacted to your Mum’s view … and now we have a massive mountain out of a tiny molehill.

This. You weren't even there.

Original poster
clinellwipe · 23/11/2025 12:11

We all have the same virus. My son gave it to my mum when she helped with childcare (she was aware he was unwell and was ok with visiting) , my dad caught from her. My son gave it to the rest of us. This was two weeks ago and we are out the other end but with residual coughs .

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 23/11/2025 12:08

PinkPonyClubDancer · 23/11/2025 10:42

He’s left the house in a huff and driven off? He sounds like a knob.

Quite.

Why did you visit if you all had colds, though?

Original poster
clinellwipe · 23/11/2025 12:05

thanks for responses, and it’s interesting that there’s a variety of opinions.

We left about an hour after my Dad left so haven’t spoken to one another. I imagine it won’t get brought up.

I work so hard to keep my son regulated and I think my mum has had to do the same for my dad for the last 40 years. Having them (my dad and my son) together in the same environment it’s difficult having to manage them both but I’d hope the 69 year old would be better at regulating himself than the 4 year old!

thanks again

OP posts:
bigboykitty · 23/11/2025 12:04

@clinellwipe I would sit down with your dad and tell him if he ever lays another finger on your child in anger or as a punishment, it will be the last time he sees him. I would expect an apology from him and if he makes excuses or blames your son, it's time to leave and tell him to reflect on his behaviour and get in touch if his feelings change. He did not hurt your son this time! Your dad has massive issues.

Kingoftheroad · 23/11/2025 12:03

Hmmm I’m not sure on this one. Pushing a 4 year old onto a sofa is not on. Neither is teaching or allowing children to blow raspberries it’s disgusting. However, your father encouraged this and now I’d doesn’t suit him he’s reacted by effectively lashing out, when all he had to do was explain to the wee one that it’s not appropriate.

I wouldn’t trust him with my child on his own, ever again to be honest. My father was very like this, happy one minute then could turn in an instant.

You NEED to have a conversation with your father about this. He needs to recognise what he’s done and apologise.

bigboykitty · 23/11/2025 12:00

Sillysoggyspaniel · 23/11/2025 10:02

Yes, I think you are. A big wet raspberry full of cold and snot being blown at you when not playing is not pleasant. He should have been more careful moving him away, but he clearly didn't push your son hard as he thought it was a game.

You have no idea how hard he pushed him and it was the grandad who taught him to blow raspberries all the time!

3awesomestars · 23/11/2025 12:00

If this is a one off as your dad is feeling ill then I would not overreact. A conversation around how it made you feel and what is appropriate. It could be your dad is beside himself and it will make him feel terrible. If so that’s positive and likely won’t happen again. Don’t make it something it’s not - from what you have said your son doesn’t appear to have been scared.
However, If it is an ongoing pattern then you need to take some action and your son should not be around your dad without you there.
I would also stop the raspberry blowing, it doesn’t transfer socially and if your son has been taught this is ‘normal’ could be problematic.

Zanatdy · 23/11/2025 11:58

He was out of order. I hope he apologises. I personally wouldn’t ban him from seeing my child over a one off incident like this, but i’d be making it clear that if it happened again, I would be.

Wynter25 · 23/11/2025 11:56

luckylavender · 23/11/2025 11:17

Blowing raspberries is not something I would encourage

Whats wrong with it?

anyolddinosaur · 23/11/2025 11:53

You were not there, your son thought it a game and loves his grandfather. So you keep your eyes open but your mouth shut. Could have been anything from just grandad's arm fending him off and your son falling to make it a game to a vicious shove but you dont know and the former seems more likely.

Cadenza12 · 23/11/2025 11:49

Total overreaction. You obviously know your dad and he's not violent otherwise you wouldn't have a good relationship with your parents full stop. Agree with the mountain out of molehill POV.

Donttellempike · 23/11/2025 11:45

MrsLeonFarrell · 23/11/2025 11:19

The appropriate response to an unwanted raspberry is to calmly say, please don't do that. It is not to push a child. I would raise that with your Dad because children don't always read the room correctly and need to be gently guided. Your father needs to learn to use his words.

He was playing a game taught to him by his GF.

Donttellempike · 23/11/2025 11:44

Sillysoggyspaniel · 23/11/2025 10:02

Yes, I think you are. A big wet raspberry full of cold and snot being blown at you when not playing is not pleasant. He should have been more careful moving him away, but he clearly didn't push your son hard as he thought it was a game.

He’s a 4 year old child. You are wrong

PinkyFlamingo · 23/11/2025 11:42

What happened when he came back?

Sprogonthetyne · 23/11/2025 11:36

If the reaction to grandma pulling him up on it had be "sorry DC, I didn't mean to push that hard, I was just trying to move you away because I'm not enjoying raspberries, and I should have been more careful" then I write it of as an accidentally went to far. The hour long car sulk makes me worry that he thinks it's acceptable to push a child, so on that basis I'd be warry of allowing them to be together.

Rhaidimiddim · 23/11/2025 11:29

Sillysoggyspaniel · 23/11/2025 10:02

Yes, I think you are. A big wet raspberry full of cold and snot being blown at you when not playing is not pleasant. He should have been more careful moving him away, but he clearly didn't push your son hard as he thought it was a game.

The chuld has been taught this is a fun game, though.

The push was hard enough fir the child to fall. If the sofa hadn't been there, the child wouldn't have thought it a fun game.

Grandad can't be trusted around kids if he can't regulate his emotions.

You aren't wrong to be concerned by your dad's reaction here.

Blueskystoday · 23/11/2025 11:22

His reaction is very concerning.
He pushed your son to avoid spit, which may just have been a completely automatic response.

His response and leaving, which you are glad about is concerning.

Staying a home for Christmas could be wise and more peaceful.

Maybe a short visit another day.
Grumpy men do not cope with active grandchildren and women who have tolerated their husbands increased grumpiness often pay the price when their children dramatically reduce visits.

If it is a once off and your father is recovering I would be a lot more forgiving.
But short visits are often best.

MrsLeonFarrell · 23/11/2025 11:19

The appropriate response to an unwanted raspberry is to calmly say, please don't do that. It is not to push a child. I would raise that with your Dad because children don't always read the room correctly and need to be gently guided. Your father needs to learn to use his words.

luckylavender · 23/11/2025 11:17

Blowing raspberries is not something I would encourage

Jellycatspyjamas · 23/11/2025 11:14

Unless there’s more to it I’d let it rest. It sounds like everyone is getting over a cold/flu and feeling a bit less tolerant than usual and your dad reacted. Again unless there’s more to it I think your dad was wise to remove himself from the situation - when tempers are flared getting some space can be a good thing.

Your son is fine, he obviously didn’t register your dad’s annoyance and thought it was part of a game. He’s 4 so won’t know when to stop, yes your dad should have handled it better but is it worth blowing up over?

Pricelessadvice · 23/11/2025 11:03

Yuk. No good comes of teaching a child to blow raspberries.
But if your child thought it was a game, he can’t have been pushed that hard?

DoingAway · 23/11/2025 11:03

Why does dh say your dad is ‘like that’? Is there more history to this kind of behaviour? The fact that he drove off in a huff makes him sound like a bit of a man child.

MCF86 · 23/11/2025 11:01

PinkPonyClubDancer · 23/11/2025 10:42

He’s left the house in a huff and driven off? He sounds like a knob.

Thst reaction (leaving) actually made me wonder if there was already an underlying disagreement between him and his wife or something from before OPs family arrived. Especially when pp has already suggested mum overreacted in telling him off - maybe none of it is actually about the push.

OP, I would just keep an eye on it for now, seeing as DC wasn't hurt or upset and saw it as playful and your DH didn't think much of it (or did he not see?). To be clear, if it happened again it wouldn't matter if DC picked up on it or not!!

wfhwfh · 23/11/2025 10:56

I agree with other posters to give him the benefit of the doubt when he comes back as you were not there and your DS saw it as a game.

To be honest, teaching your son to “blow raspberries” is a bit of an inconsiderate/immature thing for a grandparent to do. Its unhygienic, anti-social and hugely irritating - not the kind of thing you want your son doing in school. Hopefully your Dad realises this now - because obviously your DS is going to do it to your Dad as he was the one who taught him the “game”. Did your Dad just thing he’s get it on the phone and you’d have to deal with it in real life?