My dad pushed my DS age 4

Fair enough dont do it when you have a cold

Hows it horrible. It makes kids giggle

What exactly are you accusing your dad of? Because if you are saying he is abusive to children because of this one raspberry incident he would probably rather you didn't bring your family to stay in his house.

This

It is very hard indeed for a 4 year old to make the distinction between what is a game and what isn't, especially where his grandfather has actively and continually encouraged him to do something a bit antisocial by way of a shared joke. How does a 4 year old know when it is OK to do this or not? ..... he doesn't.

Grandfather has decided he did not want to do this at that moment, but how does the 4 year old know? How does he know when it ceases to be a game?

Grandfather knows he was out of order or he would not have taken himself off.

But it all centres on that basic parenting principle of putting yourself in the child's place and not expecting a child to have the same discriminatory skills and knowledge of social niceties as an adult. It is simply not fair.

A similar situation arose in our family where a GP was playing a game that involved gently slapping each other and the child did it when the GP had decided the game was over - child got a very angry response and a true slap - enter family rift ........

The moral is not to play that sort of game with children - rough and tumble yes, but actions that are antisocial where the child needs to be able to distinguish when it is appropriate or not - no.

I think your dad probably regrets his actions which is why he huffed out. Hopefully this will blow over.

OP's son is aged 4 and probably has autism and it was OP's dad who taught him to blow raspberries. OP's son wouldn't realise that doing this when he had a cold would be more unpleasant. It was up to OP's dad to explain why he shouldn't blow raspberries when he has a cold and runny nose rather than behaving like a spoilt child himself and flouncing off in a huff.

Yeah, this. Sounds like the child was over the line.

Your son thought it was a joke and your dad sounds like he genuinely loves your DC. Shit happens sometimes even in the best regulated households. Unless your dad is a walking red flag, then I'd let it rest to be honest.

I imagine that your DF knows what he did was not great, and that going for a drive was his way of dealing with the shame and regulating his emotions by removing himself from the situation.

I do think you might need to take your DF to one side and discuss that your son needs extra help with emotional regulation and is going to struggle with cues that everyone else is no longer enjoying a game, or that something that was funny in one context is not in another. So the grown ups around him need to tell him clearly and firmly when a game is getting too silly - even if with another child you might let it fizzle out. But if your DF also has trouble recognising his emotions, you and your DM might need to step in when games get too silly - but your DF needs to know why you're doing that.

Laugh away, leave your kids in the care of an angry man and his minimising wife. I have standards for the people in my DCs life as I was once that kid who was pushed around (and yes once or twice I did laugh, it's called a fawning laugh)

You will have taught the kids in your life to play football outside.

Grandad here has taught his grandson to blow raspberries in his face whilst, among other situations, sitting indoors.

I don't think he should be putting his hands on a 4 year old.

Your dad sounds pathetic, I would find it hard to find any respect for him being physical with a 4yr old. He should have used his words like a big boy and asked your son to not do raspberries when he has a cold, especially since he was the one that taught him to do it in the first place.

I would keep my eye on him from now, he sounds like a toddler and not a great role model for your son.

You’re all overreacting, frankly. Except your son.

Such drama over a non event.

I dont know how some prople make it through life when every tiny incident becomes a huge drama. What a fuss.

It annoys the life out of me when children are taught things, do them and then get into trouble. My son in law taught and encouraged my GC (his DNs) to jab-jab-punch. It's surprising how hard a four year old can do this and they are genital height. He soon stopped. This needs to be stopped, I'm starting to get lingering illness via the childcare I do and we have to have distance between us. Spitting in each other's faces, would mean constant respiratory stuff being passed back and forth.

It was a knee jerk reaction. He probably left to be alone so he could regulate himself. Autism runs in families, he could be where your son inherited it from.

I think you are over reacting. Your mum handled the situation perfectly. It’s good your dad has gone for a bit to get in a better frame of mind. He knows he was wrong. He isn’t likely to do it again. Your DS thinks it was a joke, so leave it at that.

id go back at Christmas.

Wheres that bloody laugh emoji gone! Can we please get an eye roll instead then??

Oh how very MN. Ever heard of rough and tumble and playfulness? When they were younger If my kids does something silly or annoying and I’ve told them to stop and they do it again I’ll absolutely push them on the sofa. So would DH, or he would pick them up and through them on the bed. MN is utterly obsessed in seeing violence and aggression everywhere even in perfectly healthy play fighting or rough and tumble.

It’s a horrible thing

I play football with my kids. I still expect them to not smash a football in my face when I'm sat on the sofa.

And his grandfather over reacted ans needs challenging on that behaviour.