Should I just put my money directly in the bin?

At DD’s senior school, their PE sweatshirts had to be embroidered on the front with their initials, to prevent ‘borrowing’, as the head diplomatically called it,

Absolutely everything else had to be clearly named.

I’m sorry but I wouldn’t replace the hoodie. I have a sen child so get it but you need to draw a boundary. She needs to experience the natural consequences of losing stuff. If she wants to, let her pay for it from her savings. Why are you against it?

I would let her think she was paying for it as I think its a valuable lesson (but I'd secretly top her savings back up or look for a way to giver her a bit extra at the tombola or something)

I was just about to suggest the same.

I’m afraid I can’t offer advice - DS loses things most weeks. All of his clothes are marked - I sew woven name tapes at the neck / waistband of everything so it’s very obvious without having to rummage for a label AND I stamp on the label with a Stamptastic name stamp (which I renew as and when it fades).

He’s in year 9 now and we’re still regularly losing items of PE kit, coats etc.

Key safe instead of them taking to school.

My kids school has a second hand sale, I go and pick up extra jumpers for £1, and they also give away free some that are in poor condition. Knowing I won't be buying another new one and they'll have to wear a usable but ugly looking one helps cut down on loss.

Sometime paying for things makes you stop losing it

My DH kept losing his keys. I bought him bigger key rings. Still lost. I bought him a curly belt chain thing. Still lost it. I bought him a gag gift from Flying Tiger that was a lanyard that said Dads Keys. Still lost it.

He would come to my work place and collect my keys. Well one time he lost my keys before he got new keys and had to pay £300 for a lock smith. He didn’t lose them again.

There is no consequence for her losing her stuff. SEN or not she needs to learn strategies.

We put our phone number on all the sew-in tags and they're the ones that require a good few stitches going into the back of the neck so they would have to be cut out or unpicked if someone was that way minded. I also sew them wrapped around gloves and scarves like a little 'made by X tag'.

So name on one line and then my number on the next, things are easily returned then if left in or out of school. I also put my phone number on sets of keys and anything else that can be left and had many things returned to me over the years (I'm clearly where my kids get it from!).

My son was like this in primary school. I got so annoyed and at the school’s absolute lack of effort to help him that I wrote his name in big letters in permanent marker on the front on his school polo t shirts 😂 as I think some of his things were being stolen… he never lost one again!

my daughter is now the same in secondary school and has lost a lot of expensive school uniform 🫠 it’s so hard. She feels so bad about it and I always try to support her by buying new or helping her find stuff and reminding her to follow her processes for putting stuff in the right place (her pocket or bag etc so it doesn’t get lost) as at the end of the day ADHD is a disability.

both kids are diagnosed ADHD btw

My son was like this. He came home one day in some tatty grey trousers and someone else got his new pair. Sewn in label but they're easily removed as mentioned. 😐

When we were losing multiple school scarves I embroidered my DDs initials quite visibly on them. Didn’t lose any more. Harder to unpick than just snipping off a name tag.

You've had some good tips on here and it sounds like you're doing all you can. But just wanted to add that it's always worth a weekly check that the name tags are still in place. I use those stikins labels which are pretty durable but occasionally they have come loose and fallen off after several washes.

The username is ironic btw. 😁

AirTags.
name labels down sleeves as well as in more obvious places. Sharpies write on anything and reduce the labelling chore.

I don’t know how achievable this is but for activities where she gets changed the clothes that come off go in the bag when the clothes that are going on come out.

All of this should be done in one spot, no wandering. Ideally the same spot every time. Is a bit like the floor is lava but for possessions where everything is lava but your bag.

Take out clothes.
Take off top clothes, put in bag, put on top clothes.
Shoes off, socks off and put one sock in each shoe. or tights in a shoe and put in bag.
take off bottom stuff, put in bag, put on bottom stuff.
Put on shoes.

reverse if she needs to get changed again. It keeps the number of items which need remembered to one bag.

If water bottles/lunch bags are frequently missing switch to disposable versions. It’s a reasonable adjustment for both of you.

I use this technique myself (AuDHD) and have taught my ND children it. Do I always do it - NO! But even doing it a lot of the time reduces the possession shedding in unknown locations and the mental self flagellation that result.

AirTags for the important stuff.

I wouldn't replace the hoody. Things mean less when you replace them. I've had 3 with SEN so I get it.

My children have SEN and are like this. Those pre printed stickers are handy when you are in a rush. Also ask staff to have a look around. Usually items can be found.

This is a bit mean but I have suggested I can only make up 50% of the cost to replace items and asking for a 50% contribution from their savings. Suddenly they were a bit more interested in the whereabouts of said items.

😖

Just to second this. Name absolutely everything. Water bottles, bags, every garment preferably with sewn in name tapes (sorry) including all sports kit and shoes.

On top of normal name tags I used to sew a bit of red ribbon in bottom of sleeve. I told teacher I had done this too. He just used to have to look in sleeves of coats and sweatshirts. He somehow found it easier to find them.

Our son was like this, due to where we live he has fairly pricey winter gear, he also has the memory of an amoeba, I sewed an airtag into each item. His coat was once behind the cupboards in his form room “oh yeah my coat was on there when I was helping tidy” so he’s obviously helped tidy by shoving stuff behind the bloody cupboard.

Stating the obvious I know but label EVERYTHING. I work in a school snd the number of lost jumpers, coats etc is crazy and none of them have names in

As for a leavers hoody, it must be there somewhere. It has her name on- it's not literally disappeared. Can you go into school and help her look? Have you talked to her teacher?