To think that it’s sometimes better to stay in a bad marriage?

This is the shit bit op. It always gets worse before it gets better. I'm about to go through mediation with ex dp and I'm expecting an almighty tantrum when he realises we won't be spending Christmas togther and that all future contact will be through a parenting app. But the anger will die down, your contact with him will reduce, your dc will settle into a new normal and one day you'll look back and wonder why you didn't do this years ago.

I saw a video recently that said 'follow the plan and not your mood'. Keep your eye on the end goal and not how you currently feel. Its perfectly normal to have doubts and want to give up to keep the peace. Keep going, you've got this 💪

It will get better

Make a list of EVERYTHING that he did or said over the years which upset you, made you frightened, made you angry. I mean every little thing

Now.. ... THAT is what you would be going back to

You say your ex is angry that you ended the relationship

What's he doing to win you back? What's he doing to change himself? What's he doing to make amends? What's he doing to show his remorse and sadness? What's he doing to make life easier for you , now he knows how badly you felt during the relationship?

Hmmm?

Give your head a wobble. Put your big girl knickers on. You're a fucking goddess. Why would you want or deserve a cunt?

It will get better and easier for all of you.

There were good reasons for you leaving.

The marriage doesn't sound viable long term so if you got back together you'd likely split up again which would be so destabilising for your children, and traumatic.

Good luck.

You are in a period of adjustment. I found life was harder as a single parent but when I look back at it, it is the part of my life I am proudest of.

Your happiness matters too. You must have had valid reasons for leaving or you wouldn’t have done it. Your ex’s behaviour won’t change. The children will adjust. Use your child-free time to build a support network. I am sure in 12 months’ time, this will all look very different.

Abuse (if it was abuse...it sounds like it may have been) erodes you to the point where you're ultimately a shell of yourself. Don't subject yourself to that. Ever. I left an abusive relationship and I still miss him and mourn my old life and things are really tough but I absolutely HAD to leave. Your children may well be angry but you also can't allow them to be brought up in an abusive household. Tye guilt isn't on you, it's on him. Hold your head up high and don't put up with his anger towards you any longer. Just don't engage with it. Stick up for yourself. Tell him to fuck off and walk off, hang up the phone, don't reply to messages etc.

If this huge change is very recent then it’s very likely that your emotions are all over the place. You’ve listed some great pros. I’d predict that within a year you’ll be feeling much more positive and confident.

What ages are the dc?

Can you imagine how much worse his behaviour is going to be if you go back? He'll punish you for leaving. You can build a life, with him you can't. How old are your children?

No . You are recently separated it will get easier as time goes on and you all gel into your new normal .

Life is hard as a single mum but people will say to leave at the drop of a hat without understanding what the reality is actually like.

It gets better and then you will feel the ease and happiness. The kids emotions are to be expected but (hopefully) they will settle into the new life.