To teach my kids to say no to their dad

I would get the kids a money box each and say to them, when their dad wants to buy them something they can say to him we would rather have the money to go in our money box.
In the end they will have lump sum for a lovely day out or buy something they actually need

It’s absolutely the same, and you must not give this responsibility to your children.

Talk to your DH more firmly. Suggest a saving pot instead, then treat them to days out in the summer etc. If he wants to treat them, that’s fair enough, but try to divert the treats away from tat and sweets.

A treat once a week isn't excessive. It's just OP that's decided it is. So no, not necessarily common sense.

I agree with not putting the responsibility on the kids, but I was brought up like you were - non-birthday/Christmas presents just didn't exist and 90% of our clothes were hand-me-downs or charity shop.

As an adult, I can honestly say that if someone kept buying me presents I would get tired of it pretty quickly. Life generates enough junk without adding unnecessary crap to it. The only friend who does this is not wealthy and has diametrically different taste to mine. I don't want a floral resin plaque in a presentation box that says how amazing I am in florrid, sentimental language! It's just crap and it pisses me off!

Is he buying them gifts because he feels guilty about the atmosphere between their parents at home? And he’s hoping that sticker books etc will distract them?

I used a two step method for getting rid of clutter. This happened because as soon as I suggested getting rid of some long ignored toy, they wanted to keep it. I used to store it away in a semi-secret location and then, if there was no hue and cry after a few weeks, I'd donate it to charity. Obviously I didn't pick favourite toys at all but you can have only so many plush toys. I also think it is good to buy stuff which has built-in storage. I mean boxes and containers where you can just biff the bits in easily so your life is not lived to the accompaniment of crushed plastic underfoot. As soon as clothes were grown out of weren't going to be handed down, I bundled them up and either sold them or gave them to charity

You are infantilising your husband though by attempting to get small children to police his behaviour. Children should feel like their parents are in control and have some idea about what they are doing - till they are teenagers and convinced their parents are complete idiots. I'd be having a serious discussion with your husband to try to get this behaviour under control. Time, patience and other qualities are more important to children than a father who just buys junk all the time. For what it's worth almost all the wealthier parents I know, do not go over the top buying presents at Christmas - one larger present and maybe some books but not the piles and piles of presents for children. One Christmas for example we installed a swing and slide set outside for the children and they got a lot of fun out of that and it didn't clutter up the house - our Christmas is in the middle of summer so maybe not such a good idea in the UK..

It is now your DH's job to find places to put everything and manage the upset when there is not room to keep it all.

Just keep making the challenges he is creating his problem and don't accept him trying to get out of it, brush it off, etc.

Be prepared to ask him to sort out messes, find storage, persude 7YO to give things away robustly and constantly until each individual issue is solved.

Until it is his problem to manage the issues he is creating, nothing will change.

Agree!

Yes sorry but I would, as the eldest girl I was always made to feel responsible for my Dad’s behaviour when I was growing up, low key stuff like reminding him it was my mum’s birthday, reminding him to make us dinner when my mum was working etc - but it’s definitely affected me as an adult

My parents used to buy me a treat every weekend. I turned out OK. It’s up to you and your husband to manage not the kids.

I believe they all live together still.

He is their parent just as much as you are.

So why does your opinion outweigh his?

Parenting is a compromise, yet you seem to think that you are the one in the right and it should just be your way.

I highly doubt the kids are being negatively affected by this.

He is showing love in the way he knows how to.

It is absolutely necessary and important for you to teach your kids to say no to things that make them feel uncomfortable but you cannot make them say the things that you don’t want to say just so you don’t come across as a nag.

You are putting them in the middle because you think it’s junk but they obviously like it (else they’d be happy getting rid of it).
They probably try and please you by saying he just bought it for them and they didn’t have a choice - meaning that you are bringing it up to them and already putting them in the middle.

Don’t talk to them about it again.
Perhaps suggest to DH that he sticks to food treats when they’re out so that they’re not bringing home more stuff.
But ultimately it’s his decision.

OP, it is not the responsibility of your children to tell their father no to the endless buying of “ treats” because they aren’t treats, are they? Does he buy them to win his children’s attention? How is he with money generally?
Gather up all the unwanted purchases and donate them to a Christmas toy appeal, where they will hopefully be appreciated and valued.

This is on you and your husband, not your kids.

It's not up to your young children to manage your husbands behaviour. You need to work on him, not the kids.

Sorry if it's been mentioned ( I've read most of the thread) but surely the easiest thing is to tell the kids that what dad buys stays at his house and what you buy stays at your house. Obviously as they get older there will need to be renegotiatons about watches and jewellery and gaming stuff. But fight that bridge when you come to it. For now, meet Dad at the car and say isn't that lovely, more toys to play with at Dad's. Take the kids inside and close the door.. You might even need a separate backpack that's just for outings with Dad. Leave it with him.

I don’t think it’s a good idea to put this responsibility on the kids. It’s not their fault their Dad likes to buy them lots of things, and I wonder if they are pleased? I know I’d be chuffed if someone bought me presents all the time.

Just from a different perspective, I do this with my kids too. It comes from a place of having nothing as a child. Parents never bought us anything unless it was Xmas. We had maybe 2-3 outfits max, 1 pair of trainers, never had any treats etc. As a result, I’m pretty OTT with my kids and definitely get them too much. Maybe a similar experience for your partner growing up?

My husband is exactly the same. Even down to the last minute Christmas present spree when all of their presents have been considered carefully and bought already.

OP I completely understand why it would cross your mind to get the children on board with saying no to DH - you are at the end of your tether and don't know what to do and that sounds so, so frustrating. Some good advice here. You sound like a lovely mum who is doing their best to manage a difficult situation!

This

Common sense?

You're backtracking now

Why can't he parent them the way he wants to? What makes you right?