Mother-in-law wants to be known as ‘Nana’ and I don’t want her to be

If she was already a nana to the 10 year old, or if this was the first grandchild I'd (kindly) say you were unreasonable. But as she's already a nanny I think it's a bit odd to change it up between grandchildren.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all.

You’re grieving.

I would talk to your MIL about your feelings honestly and without blaming her, and I’m sure she’ll understand.

This is always stated as though it's a self evident truth on threads about what to call grandparents, but in reality there are far more situations in which individuals names or titles are chosen for them by the people who will be using the name/ title, than there are situations in which choosing your own name is usual.

@UsernameMcUsername

Putting it gently ,if mil.keeps pushing this once op has explained then it's on mil not op becsuee it would show bloody minded cruelty from mil.

I would just explain to her, hopefully she'll understand. Alternatively what about her being called. Nana Jane (replace with whatever her name is) rather than just Nana?

Op yes you can 100 % demand this very very small concession from your mil

It's just a label for her whilst for you it has much deeper upsetting connotations and everyone with an ounce of empathy and sensitivity would do this for you. ..

I certainly wouldn't insist on a variation of a name of which there are endless ones if I knew it was deeply upsetting the mum .

YANBU. You just need to speak up for yourself. It needn’t be a big deal.
Congrats on your baby!

I still think you're BU though. In the gentlest way possible, you can't expect the world to fit round you and your grief in this way. You can't ban a common normal word because you personally associate it with your mother. My guess is that you're struggling to accept that your MIL is the only grandmother your DC will experience. You'll still struggle with that whatever she's called. I'd work through that, the real issue, rather than BU and putting a strain on your relationship with her
If you don't work through it and accept it, it will just come up in countless ways and possibly harm a relationship (that between your DC and their Granny) which is very important and isn't - putting it gently- about you.

I think YABU, its the name that she will be called so she should be to the one to choose it.

Blimey, I can’t believe how harsh some people are being here. The OP is dealing with a huge loss in her life, but is not being a dick about things. She seems sensitive to how her grief could be affecting things and definitely doesn’t come across as being demanding in any way.

@maria1997 you say you have a good relationship with your MIL, which is great. I know often, on here, the advice with MIL “issues” is that it should be your DH that deals with them. In this instance, I’d suggest an open conversation with you and your MIL. Be honest, tell her how you feel and that you are so conflicted because you don’t want to upset her.

Losing your mum is hard, it can completely change your position in the world. YANBU to feel this way at all.

On reflection I agree

Yabvu

What’s wrong with the following for example?

Nana Sue
Nana Louise

Obviously using their real names.

Hardly none of OP's business as if OPp doesn't "model" calling her MIL nana when talking to her baby, that's not what the baby will call her grandmother, especially as the other grandchild calls her Nanny...

Something can't be none of your business if the focus is your infant and you are being asked to actively implement whatever the "none of your business" thing is...

However as MIL is lovely she will surely understand when OP or MIL's son explains.

Just ask her gently. Maybe she doesn't like being called nanny by her other gc so is trying to getting his gc started on a name she likes better. Maybe you could together come up with something you are both ok with..

Personally, I think YABU. However, this seems to really be bothering you so a grown up conversation seems to be the order of the day. Or, if you want to wimp out…how about a present/card from your baby saying ‘can’t wait to have fun with my nanny’ Maybe she’ll take the hint.

Under the circumstances, I think ‘mildly irritating’ would be more bearable for the grandmother than what the OP is experiencing, given that it relates to the death of her mother.

I think your DH needs to have a conversation with his mum about this. He can do it with less emotion.

’Hey Mum, we thought you would be Nanny as that’s what DNephew has always called you. OP’s mum was always called Nana by DNiece so it’s difficult for OP with her mum not being here to meet the baby. If you really want to be Nana instead of Nanny then you will be Nana Liz & OP’s mum will be referred to as Nana Sue. I just wanted to have this chat with you because OP is building it up to a big thing in her head. It’s so difficult for her, she really missing her mum at the moment, but doesn’t want to upset you.’

If you don’t trust DH to handle this then text MIL a variation of the above.

Teach your children to pronounce 'nana' like 'banana'. Maybe she won't be so keen then. 😂

YABU.

You can have two nanas in a family. Something like Nana Smith and Nana Jones.

You could ask her if it might be good for the cousins to call her the same thing. But if she doesn't like nanny maybe she'd rather not.

OP only you know your MIL- is she likely to get very offended? if so, I'd just call her nanny and pretend you forgot if she raises it. If however she may be open to a conversation, confide in her how much you're missing your mum and ask would she mind being nanny for now as nana is what your niece called your own mum. Sorry for your loss 💐it's a very difficult time for you as well as the nice part of being a new mum.

Are you not overthinking it

My nan. Was nana, nan, nanny - she answered to all of them

I get you are sad OP - but in reality how another person wishes to be referred to is none of your business.

When your baby hears their cousins calling MIL nanny they’ll copy. If she insists on nana you could call her nana surname or when talking to your child call her nanny. I’m sure MIL won’t notice as she’s used to being called nanny

Really? How absolutely horrible. As someone whose lost my mum is have no issue saying to mil 'my mum was nanny so can you be granny's luckily it never arise as she wanted to be granny anyway but I'm 100% sure however u reasonable my mil. Can sometimes be shed have understood this

But since she has been nanny for 10 years to her other grandchild I suppose I don’t understand the rationale for changing it for a different grandchild?

Maybe she secretly hated it and sees the birth of your child as an opportunity to start a new tradition?

My mum was known by a contraction of her name all her life (which she hated) but when we moved to a new country when she was in her 40s, she decided to tell all new people she met that her name was FullVersionOfName and was known by that thereafter.