That DSS’s mum losing her house isn’t our problem.

You're free to set a go fund me account for DSS's mum's rent if you feel so strongly about it.

Thanks everyone. We are going to stand firm and not give her anything else.
She had every opportunity to further her career, we’ve always been flexible with arrangements to accommodate her working.
There wasn’t a marital asset to sell as they rented when they were together and were never married. DH has always been generous with financial support, because we’ve been in the fortunate position to and because he didn’t want his child to have the growing up he had. But time has come now for us to benefit and to focus on supporting DSS towards his future, money for a house deposit etc

Thanks everyone. We are going to stand firm and not give her anything else.
She had every opportunity to further her career, we’ve always been flexible with arrangements to accommodate her working.
There wasn’t a marital asset to sell as they rented when they were together and were never married. DH has always been generous with financial support, because we’ve been in the fortunate position to and because he didn’t want his child to have the growing up he had. But time has come now for us to benefit and to focus on supporting DSS towards his future, money for a house deposit etc

All of that is besides the point. The dad owes the mum generous maintenance to help support his son. That's it. He doesn't owe her more money because she's single or because her boiler breaks down. The mum is presumably a fully-functioning adult and can figure out how to pay her own expenses the way the rest of us do.

Yes, but the mum has had to put a roof over their heads herself, since I doubt the maintenance was enough for the son and for housing, whereas the OP and her husband have had a joint income. Plus, the mum might have sacrificed earnings when having the DS, if she took time off work and was then a SAHM until her marriage ended.

ETA: Then there's the fact that the cost of living is horrendous these days and has been rising fast for quite a few years now. Did the husband increase his maintenance in line with inflation? It's hard to afford heating, lighting, housing, food, and other necessities these days for single people.

Then there's the fact that maintenance is to maintain the child, so it's an amount which covers things like food, clothes, activities. It's not an amount which covers the parent's expenses, and not things like the boiler breaking down, fixes for things that go wrong in the house, and all the other expenses of life.

She has been managing all this for a long time on one income, unlike the OP who is much luckier.

If you have any dignity as a woman and mother at all you don't sit there waiting for handouts from your long ex husband!!! Especially when your child is this age.
There comes a time when you are expected to be independent. If women want equality why are they still behaving in this helpless way.

So because you were dealt a shit hand she has to have one, is that what you’re saying?

She can downsize to a flat maybe?

@SoftBalletShoes
They had 50:50 split of care so any maintenance was generous.If parents equally share care and cost of looking after the children, neither is liable to pay maintenance. He is not responsible for the choices she has made. To clarify I am in a similar position to her. My ex earns well himself and is coupled up with another good earner. I am single and on low income. The only time I got maintenance was a few months when he stopped doing 50:50 and I went through CMS as I had one child who was still in secondary school. I did not get anything for my student son as maintenance does not extend to university years. I think he would die laughing if I expected him to contribute to my cost of accommodation if I only had university aged children.

You don't know she isn't morally entitled to it. Maybe he encouraged her to follow her dreams and give up work to have their child while she tried to get her business off the ground same time, and maybe he shagged around and/or abused her in other ways until she couldn't stand it anymore, or maybe he left her for another woman. And maybe his maintenance wasn't generous at all. You really don't know. I would like to hear her side of the story. For all we know, the business debt was part his, if the business was something they used to run together. And I would be really interested to know if the maintenance rose in line with the horrendous cost of living rises in the last few years. I bet it didn't. It's probably worth two-thirds of what it was pre-Covid and Ukraine.

"luckier"? Maybe he has made better decisions/ worked harder etc?The woman siunds like she is trying to run an unprofitable business and should either get a different job or a second job rather asking for money she isn't legally or morally entitled to.

I'm in a similar situation. My ds17 and dd20 at uni for another 2 year, da going next year. I've just been made redundant. Looking for a job - it's really hard. I have/had them 50/50 no maintenance, spousal for 5 years that's all which finished 4 years ago. He lives in a mansion drives a porche I live in a small terrace, drive and old banger... he wasn't honest. I'd already rationalised if I lose the house at least the children have him and a roof over their heads. I'd never ask / or expect anything from him. Certainly would not expect my children to support me. Hopefully it won't come to this 🙏

Sorry what is DSS?

Why on earth should he address it with her? She’s presumably a sentient adult who knows that she, like all of us, is responsible for her own housing and livelihood.

DSS is 20, graduating uni in 6 months. DH has paid a generous maintenance throughout. The agreement they had in place was financial support ended in Dec 25. (Due to lump sum payments requested by ex)
She has now said if we can’t continue the payments for a minimum of 6-12 months then she will lose her house. She currently works for herself. AIBU to think this isn’t our problem?

Yes, but the mum has had to put a roof over their heads herself, since I doubt the maintenance was enough for the son and for housing, whereas the OP and her husband have had a joint income. Plus, the mum might have sacrificed earnings when having the DS, if she took time off work and was then a SAHM until her marriage ended.

ETA: Then there's the fact that the cost of living is horrendous these days and has been rising fast for quite a few years now. Did the husband increase his maintenance in line with inflation? It's hard to afford heating, lighting, housing, food, and other necessities these days for single people.

Then there's the fact that maintenance is to maintain the child, so it's an amount which covers things like food, clothes, activities. It's not an amount which covers the parent's expenses, and not things like the boiler breaking down, fixes for things that go wrong in the house, and all the other expenses of life.

She has been managing all this for a long time on one income, unlike the OP who is much luckier.