That DSS’s mum losing her house isn’t our problem.

You have only OP's word that this is the mum's problem. Seeing as the person facing homelessness is her DH's ex, with whom he shares a child, I'm not going to leap to the conclusion that she's an unbiased source. There is a huge back story missing from her posts and her tale is light on detail. Most people do not want to be short of cash, and I wonder if there is a reason she's not quite ready for the support to end.

Do you say "shrug" about homeless people in general unless they are spotless in their behaviour? Because they took their first drink or drug and got hooked?

Regardless, being evicted is exactly how people end up homeless. I think this is a disastrous decision, because even if you have no humanity or charity in your heart for someone in her situation at this time of year, it will create huge stress for DSS. I would defer my final year rather than see my mum evicted, and I wouldn't want to see my dad again for quite some time, either. If he's due to have Christmas with his dad, I hope he dumps him for his mum.

There are many strikingly hard hearts on internet fora, including here. I'm wondering if it's an activity attract that type, because they want to express their unkind and uncaring and uncharitable thoughts anonymously seeing as such attitudes are socially unacceptable.

The OP and her DH couldn't even give her some grace over the coldest period of the year. I think it's wrong, but then I'm a caring and forgiving person. I think she should have at least been given till the spring, but OP and others are full of "not my problem" if she's evicted in winter, so that's that. Maybe some people should read or watch A Christmas Carol.

Shrug. That's her problem.

ALL of these problems, including any stress to the son, are entirely of her making. OP and the ex-husband have been more than generous. I have zero patience for people who faff around being "self-employed" when what they really need to do is get out there and get a job. or two jobs. If her business is failing to support her, which is apparently is, what did she expect?

Perhaps she's been possessed by an alien or is a circus performer by night. None of which matters. She is NOT her ex-husband's problem, and has been grifting off him for a ridiculous number of years. If she failed to make provisions for housing and supporting herself, that is her problem to solve.

None of the hypothetical situations you describe are in any way, shape or form the ex-husband (and OP's) issues to deal with. If the bio mum is disabled/unemployable/etc. she needs to approach the appropriate social service agency for assistance, not continue to ride the gravy train.

@SoftBalletShoes Surely she can ask someone other than her ex of several years to help her out this time though? They weren’t married, and he’s helped her out before so it’s time for him to step back.

Just because they have a 20-year-old together doesn’t mean that he’s her default financial supporter. She may have family who could help out, for example.

If her business isn't making enough profit to support her, then it's time to close shop and get a job that does.

I doubt the DSS would be OK with leaving his mother in the lurch. And he's not going to like his dad and stepmother refusing to help her when jobs and housing are scarce. We only have OP's word that the mum is useless. Perhaps she's been looking for a job for some time. Perhaps she's got vulnerabilities. I sense there's a back story to the whole business and self-employed stuff, but OP is light on details. Many businesses have suffered in recent years what with Covid and Ukraine, especially small ones.

It’s not 100% her problem if DSS lives in the house too and will be having to deal with his mother potentially being homeless while he’s trying to focus on the very important last 6 months of his degree!

It being right or wrong is not the point. The point is DSS needs to be the focus.

@heavenknow- can you move DSS in with you permanently at Christmas? (Including with all his stuff)

Absolutely! Would posters be insisting the dm had the responsibility to pay for op and dha home and lifestyle if their finances changed?

Not in England. It finishes at 16 or, if they do A levels, after those are done or another approved training. University does not count for CMS ordered payments, they don't continue.
Individuals may have their own legal arrangements of course.

Well, I hope she is able to get a job and a cheaper rental before it gets any colder, despite both being scarce. We've only got OP's word on all of this - perhaps she's been trying really hard to get a job. Perhaps she has vulnerabilities.

Also @MellowPinkDeer

That is 100% a HER problem

There is a housing crisis, and the mum is going to lose her rental.

But neither OP nor her DH are "making someone homeless" or "creating a situation that's very worrying for DSS". The Ex is doing that.

They’re not making her homeless. The hyperbole on here is insane.

As I said, maybe she should, but we are dealing with what is, not what should be. I, personally, could not make someone homeless at the start of winter. Nor create a situation that's very worrying for the DSS during his final year of uni.

The bio mum should have thought of this many years ago. And being "self-employed" is a luxury. She needs to get out there and get a job. Or two.

She has, but we are dealing with what is, not what should be. It's the start of winter and there's a housing crisis.

Plus there's the fact that this will worry DSS while he's studying.

They simply support the son to live independently. The OP has not once suggested they are no longer going to support him directly! Honestly!

🤣🤣🤣 if only

It may not be your fault but It is kind of your problem. Where will the DSS live if she loses the house.. with you ? It’s all very well the posters on here saying “ he’s an adult etc " but employment and independence at 20 is really hard these days. If you can afford it then l think you should pay for the next six months with the caveat that it will formally end after that . It will give you the mum and DSS longer to discuss what’s going to happen. Pulling the plug on cash for your child - no matter how old - seems odd to me. I’m sure there are many adults on here who have / are still being helped by parents .

If only they knew exactly when it was happening and could plan ahead…

There may be.
I expect its a hard transition for many when the child related benefits and maintenance stops.

I thought you were going to say DSS was 10 not 20. He's mum has known that the maintenance was going to stop for years. She should have planned ahead. Got a second job or moved. DSS should be paying some sort of board to he's mum if he is living at home. Your husband has done enough.