That DSS’s mum losing her house isn’t our problem.

Just reading through again. And saw that the ex lives in a rented house.
How is she going to lose it..? Unless she is rent arrears or the rent is too high for her to manage without the help of the maintenance payments.
I'm which case she should look for something cheaper

So the child was a newborn when they split? It won't have been 50/50 from the start then? I'm always interested in the details of 50/50. Is it just that the child stayed an equal number of nights but still had mum doing all the thinking, planning, world book day costumes, waiting lists for swim classes, appointments, party planning, buying of uniform, noticing shoes are small or they've had the same reading book for a month, or is it actually a full 50/50 split if all the duties and headspace of parenting?

ETA: Then there's the fact that the cost of living is horrendous these days and has been rising fast for quite a few years now. Did the husband increase his maintenance in line with inflation? It's hard to afford heating, lighting, housing, food, and other necessities these days for single people.

I doubt the husband increased maintenance at the rate of inflation as I doubt his earnings increased at that rate?

Maybe it depends on how much each party earns.

@tomorrowtoblerone Even the child maintenance is unusual, given they had 50/59 custody. I thought that 50/50 meant that neither parent had to pay child maintenance to the other one?

Wrong thread

I don't know. OP didn't give a whole lot of detail about the mum.

Eh? He's in full-time education - at uni! I'm sure he does have a job, like most students these days, but his earnings will go towards his education and his keep while not able to work full-time. Don't forget, he will graduate with an absolute minimum of $30k debt for the education, assuming a three-year course, never mind if he needed a top-up loan as well. I've been amazed at everyone on this thread saying that he should be contributing towards his home household as well as putting himself through uni.

DSS will end up like his mum if you carry on as you are! He needs to stand on his own feet and get a job!!! Not have everything paid for him and handed to him on a plate! He’s an adult for gods sake not a child anymore!!

You're taking OP's story as fact, when it's actually very light on detail. And she might have been looking for a job and a cheaper rental for ages. From your use of the US spelling of "mom" I'd guess you're not form the UK. The UK is a low-wage economy, the place is in a total mess, there's a housing crisis, a fuel-price crisis, inflation has been dreadful in the last few years, hitting 11.1 % in late 2022 and is still well above the Bank of England's target. Jobs and rentals are scarce.

He hasn't been supporting her though has he, he's just paid some child support towards raising his own child. Unless I'm missing something?
The woman has been running a business and raising their son and paying rent. Shes obviously now struggling to make ends meet, like many are right now, especially single people who can't share bills.

Agree. There must be a backstory, and I hardly think the maintenance has been paying for her whole life. It can't have been that generous, otherwise OP would have said the amount.

I wonder if the mum tried to launch a business, sinking funds into it, and it failed due to the state of the world - covid, Ukraine, inflation, etc.

As for not being married before you have kids, it seems that the DH got her pregnant and then wouldn't marry her. (I think it highly unlikely that she wouldn't have wanted to get married, being pregnant with his child.)

OP's story gaps also lead me to believe that she was the OW. You can tell by what she hasn't said.

The mom has known for years that child support would eventually stop. OP's husband has already paid one of the mom's business debts (good deeds don't go unpunished comes to mind here). If her business has been doing so poorly that she can't pay her business debts or make rent, she should have closed down and gotten another job. That's not hard hearted, that's just facts. Her business tanked and she didn't adjust because she assumed her ex would be paying her bills for however long she bugged him about it. Turns out Bank of Ex is closing and she knew it. She just thought she could keep her hand in his wallet forever because she had a child with him.

At last, one poster with a heart!

It's the kind of thing I'd do if I was wealthy. I don't care what the circumstances are, no one should be evicted in the winter.

Only on MN do people think that everyone can magick up a job and a rental at the drop of a hat, when both are scarce. She might have been trying to get a job and a cheaper rental for ages.

As pp have said, upsetting that the mother will now effectively become homeless.

If they weren't married, she must have been in a financially precarious position the whole time, and it's not like the OPs husband can have been supporting her then unless she lived on child maintenance alone? so she's obviously been bringing up a child alone and paying rent, with just some child support to help towards that. And usually it doesn't help that much towards it, as raising kids is costly.

I'd be interested to know the back story on how the father is now in this much better financial position? Anyway, sounds like that age old thing MN warns against, which is having kids when you're not married.

Common sense. Kids remember.

What a vivid imagination!

At Christmas this year, not forever. I'd rather be with my mum in a shelter than with the dad and stepmother, if she gets evicted.

ETA: Also, two can play the "not my problem" game. If the DSS goes low or no contact with the dad because of this, then it wouldn't be the mum's problem, would it? I doubt she'd play peacemaker. Similarly, if the dad ends up widowed one day and needs his son's company, the son might say "not my problem" if his mum ends up evicted now. Because the danger of his final year of studies being disrupted isn't his dad's problem, according to the OP's worldview.

How do we know that she hasn't been trying to do just that? Jobs are scarce and the country's in a mess.

I hope he dumps him for his mum.

That's not very caring or forgiving!

"but then I'm a caring and forgiving person."

🙄 Well perhaps OP can give you the ex's details and you can pay her rent for the next 6 months!

You have no one's word but OP's that she's been grifting. Her story actually makes little sense and is very light on detail. Maybe there are reasons why the mum is not quite ready for support to end.