That DSS’s mum losing her house isn’t our problem.

If I were divorced and my ex started asking me how I planned to support myself once child maintenance stopped, I'd tell them it was none of their business.

She should have had that discussion with herself.

Discussion?

Why is this woman to be coddled more than any other adult who needs to earn her own living and put a roof over her own head? If she's incompetent, there are social services agencies she can avail herself of. If she's competent, she can get out there and hustle like the rest of us do. She is not owed lifelong support because she chose to give birth to the child of an apparently short-term relationship 20 years ago.

Maybe because they made an arrangement before?

My sentiments exactly.

Why would there be a discussion? It's up to her to decide over her own finances.

@heavenknow so they both (mother and father) agreed on a term that is now coming to an end and the mother is saying that's not acceptable as she can't manage her outgoings?

Was there a discussion about how she would manage after the agreement came to an end?

Sounds like she's just rounding up to the twenty years. Even if that's not the case, we can only go on the facts, or as told to us, that custody was 50/50 and maintenance was still paid, and a chunk of money to pay off business debt.

OP, you have no reason to continue this payment. I'd like to know why, in 6 months or so, things will be so different.

I can’t quote your latest post for some reason but as you’ve had the 50/50 arrangement since dss was 2 you are well within your rights to stop. My opinion might be different if the mum had done the majority of the parenting up until the teenage years, but it sounds like it isn’t the case here.

@Caligirl80 most kids don’t pay themselves, loans are set up in a way that parents contribute. Also have to house young person in the holidays

Sorry missed that bit.
I think you've definately done more than enough.
Time to let her sort herself out.

Total nonsense - time to cut them off. Frankly I can't understand why the payments continued during uni!!! Most kids pay for themselves by using student loans and getting jobs. And it's important to remember that your spouse has been using YOUR money to pay for this child - it's not right that YOUR money has been used in this way. Please be sure to keep detailed records of all the money that has been given to the child - it should be coming out of your partner's separate property and not out of any community property - this is important if you ever get divorced.

By the OPs account, the father here left either a pregnant woman or a baby and got together with OP. Two years later he and OP were having the son half the time but giving the mother of his child plenty of money to live off. If that were the case, which I don't buy, why the angst over handing over money for the very final six months of the period when the son is in education? just doesn't stack up. The OP's husband might as well continue his unexplained generosity until the son graduates.

As for some of the comments on here, makes me wonder if it's been linked to some kind of bitter divorced dads pile on. FWIW I know several single mums and they are incredible. A couple of them do get a bit of financial assistance but that's as it should be given the pay gap and the demands of bringing up children and all the rest of it. Equal doesn't mean men get to walk away, earn money, and not contribute to their children financially.

A large number do however! HTH too.

The OP and her DH couldn't even give her some grace over the coldest period of the year. I think it's wrong, but then I'm a caring and forgiving person
She would then come up another raft of excuses to continue to sponge off others, she is the creator of her situation.
Your description of yourself however makes me think that opinions will vary, being a self-proclaimed 'caring and forgiven' person can be interpreted in many ways, unless you're the ex !

Why do women on here always bang on about feminism but expect the ex to feed and house them.
🤔
They don't. HTH

He is an adult. The ex is an adult. Why do women on here always bang on about feminism but expect the ex to feed and house them.

So the son is 20 and you got together 20 years ago? so was that when she was pregnant or had a newborn?

And then two years later your DH had enough money to give significant child support -enough for her to live on?- even though you had the child 50 percent of the time.

Sorry something about this story doesn't add up to me.

Thanks everyone. We are going to stand firm and not give her anything else.

Good for you. Presumably the son can live with you if he needs to.

Perhaps she needs to get a different salaried job or move into a cheaper rental.

Have you told her that you won't be funding her any more?

She’s had 18 years to establish a livelihood and hasn’t bothered?! That’s ridiculously taking the piss. Cut her off without a backward glance.

This. I honestly can’t believe the utter bullshit coming out of that poster. She is either the mum or some other ridiculously entitled women who thinks someone else should provide her for life!

Spot on. UC child payments ending has the same effect too. Mothers need to be ready for their children hitting 18 because the state won't pick you up or break you in gradually. You'll be in a miserable, zero hour contract job quicker than you can say "is that really all the UC I'm entitled to as a lone adult?".

OP, not your problem. The ex knew support would stop & should have planned for it. You can't keep extending deadlines this way or he'll be paying her from the grave.

He's been paying maintenance.
Why would he do that if it's 50/50.

They aren't making her homeless ff's. She's made lousy decisions and she's made herself homeless. How long should they pay for this woman? The rest of us have to manage life without freebies from ex husbands.