Page 2 | That DSS’s mum losing her house isn’t our problem.

heavenknow · 2025-11-22T12:42:00+00:00

DSS is 20, graduating uni in 6 months. DH has paid a generous maintenance throughout. The agreement they had in place was financial support ended in Dec 25. (Due to lump sum payments requested by ex) She has now said if we can’t continue the payments for a minimum of 6-12 months then she will lose her house. She currently works for herself. AIBU to think this isn’t our problem?

BruFord · 26/11/2025 20:56

She has now said if we can’t continue the payments for a minimum of 6-12 months then she will lose her house.

This timeframe is really beyond their son’s graduation, assuming that he finishes his degree in June 2026. Unless there’s something happening next year that will significantly boost her finances, I think she’s going to have to move anyway. It’s horrible, but sometimes people do need to downsize for financial reasons.

TwinkleTwinkleLittleBatgirl · 26/11/2025 15:56

kittywittyandpretty · 26/11/2025 12:17

What a dreadful attitude, are you a stepmom?

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What a dreadful response, do you expect others to fund your lifestyle?

Betty1625 · 26/11/2025 15:51

heavenknow · 26/11/2025 08:15

But she isn’t prioritising his exams - he can live with us FT and so can his stuff. Apart from furniture which can either be swapped with his stuff here or stored. Their family dog can come to us if needed.

100% she is blackmailing

MellowPinkDeer · 26/11/2025 12:38

kittywittyandpretty · 26/11/2025 12:17

What a dreadful attitude, are you a stepmom?

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Yes actually. I was also a single mum and I have taken responsibility for myself and my children . In this case the mum has not done so, she has relied on handouts and still asked for more, if she can’t keep her house then that’s her problem and she is the one letting her son down. Not the OP.

kittywittyandpretty · 26/11/2025 12:17

MellowPinkDeer · 26/11/2025 12:15

His own mother doesn’t care so why should the OP?

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What a dreadful attitude, are you a stepmom?

MellowPinkDeer · 26/11/2025 12:15

Motheranddaughter · 26/11/2025 11:31

I wouldn’t have wanted any of mine to have any disruption when doing their exams,but you do you.

His own mother doesn’t care so why should the OP?

Motheranddaughter · 26/11/2025 11:31

I wouldn’t have wanted any of mine to have any disruption when doing their exams,but you do you.

CheeseIsMyIdol · 26/11/2025 09:13

Why has she not gotten a job all these years, OP?

Original poster

heavenknow · 26/11/2025 08:15

But she isn’t prioritising his exams - he can live with us FT and so can his stuff. Apart from furniture which can either be swapped with his stuff here or stored. Their family dog can come to us if needed.

OP posts:

TwinkleTwinkleLittleBatgirl · 26/11/2025 07:10

Motheranddaughter · 26/11/2025 02:51

My priority would be his exams
Would I deliberately put my own DC through any upheaval during crucial exams,no I would not
So I wouldn’t go it to my DSS
After that the position can be looked at again

However it is of course normal for both parents to support DC through the post school phase

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Are you talking from the perspective of the dss mum who seems to be remaining ion employment that doesn’t meet the finances she requires?

Motheranddaughter · 26/11/2025 02:51

BruFord · 25/11/2025 19:51

@Motheranddaughter @ACynicalDad Yes, I’d be interested to know ( and the OP may not know the answer) is what’s going to change financially for the Mum in 6-12 months, which is how long she wants to payments to continue?

Her son is planning to take a year out to travel before starting a deferred graduate scheme in 2027, so he won’t be contributing much in that timeframe.

I don’t think that her ex is morally obliged to continue as they had an agreement-but if there’s a clear financial change that will occur in six months, perhaps he might consider it.
I hope that the Mum isn’t going to tell her son not to travel….

Edited

My priority would be his exams
Would I deliberately put my own DC through any upheaval during crucial exams,no I would not
So I wouldn’t go it to my DSS
After that the position can be looked at again

However it is of course normal for both parents to support DC through the post school phase

kkloo · 25/11/2025 23:38

JudgeJ · 25/11/2025 11:41

A large number do however! HTH too.

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Bollox, a large number expect men to contribute towards the cost of raising the child, that's very different to expecting an ex to feed and house them.

BruFord · 25/11/2025 19:51

@Motheranddaughter @ACynicalDad Yes, I’d be interested to know ( and the OP may not know the answer) is what’s going to change financially for the Mum in 6-12 months, which is how long she wants to payments to continue?

Her son is planning to take a year out to travel before starting a deferred graduate scheme in 2027, so he won’t be contributing much in that timeframe.

I don’t think that her ex is morally obliged to continue as they had an agreement-but if there’s a clear financial change that will occur in six months, perhaps he might consider it.
I hope that the Mum isn’t going to tell her son not to travel….

GoldenRosebee · 25/11/2025 19:45

tomorrowtoblerone · 25/11/2025 17:49

I'd love to know how a woman leaving a zero age baby to shack up with someone else would be received.

well people are free to divorce even if they have kids.

ACynicalDad · 25/11/2025 19:43

It’s not great for a kid for a parent to be homeless. If 6 months makes a real difference, maybe she’s finishing a course, and you can affird it I’d probably do it. If she’s hoping something will come up in that time I wouldn’t. But there may be more context.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 25/11/2025 19:42

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Why are you so invested in this that you are just making things up? Were you left for an OW?

thepariscrimefiles · 25/11/2025 19:40

SoftBalletShoes · 24/11/2025 21:37

You have no one's word but OP's that she's been grifting. Her story actually makes little sense and is very light on detail. Maybe there are reasons why the mum is not quite ready for support to end.

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It's unclear whether OP's DSS's mum is in receipt of any benefits. If she is on a low income or has no income if her business has failed and she rents, she would probably be eligible for UC with partial or full payment of her rent. She definitely needs to explore these options before asking for more money from DSS's dad.

Your version of events sounds very Dickensian with OP's DSS as Tiny Tim, designed to pull on people's heartstrings.

Motheranddaughter · 25/11/2025 19:39

Everyone should focus on what is best for the son until he finishes Uni

B1anche · 25/11/2025 19:36

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Given what OP did to the woman,

You are just making up your own story now! As far as we know, OP has done nothing to this woman.

You clearly feel like you have been hard done by in life, and cannot understand that a single mother might have herself to blame for her hardship in this instance.

MellowPinkDeer · 25/11/2025 19:29

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You REALLY need to stop with all the bullshit. Seriously. Stop.

SoftBalletShoes · 25/11/2025 19:17

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SoftBalletShoes · 25/11/2025 19:16

tomorrowtoblerone · 25/11/2025 11:47

By the OPs account, the father here left either a pregnant woman or a baby and got together with OP. Two years later he and OP were having the son half the time but giving the mother of his child plenty of money to live off. If that were the case, which I don't buy, why the angst over handing over money for the very final six months of the period when the son is in education? just doesn't stack up. The OP's husband might as well continue his unexplained generosity until the son graduates.

As for some of the comments on here, makes me wonder if it's been linked to some kind of bitter divorced dads pile on. FWIW I know several single mums and they are incredible. A couple of them do get a bit of financial assistance but that's as it should be given the pay gap and the demands of bringing up children and all the rest of it. Equal doesn't mean men get to walk away, earn money, and not contribute to their children financially.

All of this, but especially the first para.

whitewinefriday · 25/11/2025 19:00

tomorrowtoblerone · 25/11/2025 17:49

I'd love to know how a woman leaving a zero age baby to shack up with someone else would be received.

But irrespective of how old the baby was when his parents split, if the father has been paying the whole time AND the ex has (possibly) buried her head in the sand about finances, I think the OP and her DH can now stop paying and have a clear conscience

tomorrowtoblerone · 25/11/2025 17:49

I'd love to know how a woman leaving a zero age baby to shack up with someone else would be received.

MeridianB · 25/11/2025 17:41

I'd love to know how many people defending the ex would say the same if it was a man asking for six months of rent money.