That DSS’s mum losing her house isn’t our problem.

I sort of feel for the ex - and then I don't. She should have organised for the ending of maintenance payments. If she has not then she must cut her cloth accordingly. I say this fiercely because my ex took me for a ride on maintenance - lying to the court that custody was settled and agreed, when it was not (I had a lawyer who told me I didn't need to go to the divorce hearing). I was paying about half my monthly salary in maintenance and had nowhere permanent to live. Then I remarried and bought a house and ex was difficult about week-ends, it was ad hoc when it suited ex. With support of new (now late) DH I took ex to court and asked for 50% custody of DD (DS over 16) and won to ex's shock. No more maintenance and a legally enforceable agreement on when I saw DC. So stuff the ex I'm afraid, it seems she has been living on maintenance for her DS and has not made proper provision for herself. Don't pay. Offer DSS a roof, a loving roof, of course.

A lot of graduates are struggling to get jobs at the moment. Your DH focus should be with the DSS and his needs- if he's in a position to help his son then why wouldn't he. Its very tough right now for that age group with jobs and housing.

It is it because the amount she has to contribute to DSS makes her unable to meet the cost of rent/mortgage? If so I'd just pay until he finishes uni.

I think this entirely depends on how long she has known, and when she told DS father. And whether anything unexpected has happened with DSS- that could not have been foreseen.

If she has known this for 17 years and is telling you now, and no unexpected financial crunches with DSS then it's her planning issue.

This makes the rather big assumption that he's living with his mum, and as not graduating for another 6 months is actually earning money to contribute.

If the agreement has been in place for a longtime then she should have planned for the money to come to an end.

"if we can’t continue the payments for a minimum of 6-12 months then she will lose her house."
Fixed it...
"if she doesn't find additional income quickly then she will lose her house."

Everybody knows child maintenance ends, you are not her income stream, she needs to get her finances in order quick sharp and asking her ex to give her his money isn't the solution.

Any money should be given to the adult son at this point, also perfectly reasonable for him to move in with you if she's really struggling and he isn't contributing.

My earning potential was seriously impacted when my child’s father decided being a husband and parent was not for him anymore. Only ever got peanuts for maintenance so would not waste my breath asking for any more even if felt was needed. Many resident parents have been forced into sacrificing part of their lives whilst the other parent keeps earning to their full potential and marries a partner bringing in another household income so therefore has a better quality of life.

If the above is possibly the situation be kind and support of can afford. Sometimes no matter how much warning you have of finances changing it’s difficult to adapt when supporting a child.

Depends on a lot of factors.

Could a very stressful next 6 months for DSS and worrying about his mum won’t help. He could resent you for not helping when you could.

The job market is pretty tough right now, and unemployment is high.

I'm surprised that he was even paying maintenance to his ex after his son turned 18 and finished his A-levels. Surely anything he paid after then would have been directly to his adult son?
Definitely not your problem OP.

I think context and more information is important here. Why difference will it make to your husband's ex if he pays another 6-12 months maintenance? Is she expecting an inheritance for example, which would allow her to continue living in the house? If she can't afford her current housing without maintenance, then how is that going to help her in 6 months, once your husband stops? Does your step-son live at home, whilst studying at university or is he living in a house share? If your step-son is living in a house share off campus, then your husband's ex shouldn't be receiving the maintenance, your step-son should be! His ex knew and agreed to your husband stopping maintenance payments at the end of this year, so it's not something that's been sprung on her. What is she doing to help herself? Where is your step-son going to live after he graduates? No, it's not your husband's issue, but he does have a moral obligation to house his son, if his ex can't.

You'd hope on his own or with flatmates, like most people.

Although this would only make sense if there was a plan in place would derail how things were going to change in those months so that the mother is going to no longer be in the perilous situation just a few months down the line.

OP has your DSS got a job lined up? If not (and this isn’t necessarily due to lack of trying) then I would think continuing to pay for a time within reason until they got a job would be reasonable. But I’m meaning 3 months. Because that’s long enough fOR DSS to get some Kind of job even if it’s deliveries or staff stacking and then they would be contributing to their keep and taking ownership rather than their parents.

Why is he paying her, and not her son direct? Child maintenance basically ends at the end of A Levels for most dcs, so any agreement a parent has with a child after that is independent of their other parent.

Not particularly fair, if you still have over 18s living at home, struggling to find part time work at the moment, but that is the law.

It’s not your problem. Nothing to do with you at all.

it might be your husbands problem depending on how he feels about it, how his son will react etc etc.

She should absolutely be able to stand on her own two feet. She should have known maintenance would end at some point and should have had a plan in place. I have seen this a few times, high earning ex so generous CMS payments. That supports a nice life, but when it ends the gear change is jarring.

Not directly related to house but my ex continued paying for graduated son until he secured a job. Obviously he had to job hunt (which he did). It took about 4 months from graduating to job offer.

Paid direct to son, not me of course.

Well in that case it’s direct to DSS not the mother
hows she managed when he was at uni the money should of been going to the son not the mother

Legally it’s not your problem but morally your DH’s son’s relationship will probably suffer as a result.

Really, what’s an extra 6-12 months? Do it as a loan if necessary that is formally written up for her to pay back.

“Beedeeoh · Today 13:18

Agree with others - how will it affect DSS, does he live there? If she loses the house is he homeless too? In which case I think his father would have a moral obligation to house him - either by having him live with you or funding a place for him until he finds his feet post uni. Then there's how your DSS is likely to react to the idea that his dad has made his mum homeless - rightly or wrongly that could open a big can of worms.
You might conclude it's not worth the hassle for the sake of paying a few more months, but it depends.”

This with bells on.

Why is he paying money to his ex and not directly to his son? If his son is at uni then, presumably the mother doesn't have the added expense of him being at home, so where is the money going? Pay the son directly and let the mother sort her housing issue out.

DSS' mum isn't your husband's problem, but his DS who is still in education absolutely 100% is.

So whilst technically DSS' mum losing her house isn't a problem for you and your husband to solve, your husband (and indirectly because you married him you) morally have to be ready to pick up the pieces for DSS by offering him a home in the holidays and if necessary for a few months at least after graduating, and if he's been screwed over financially with a liw loan based on parental income and is now left without parental contribution to cover the last six months of rent his dad has to step up with a modest amount direct to DSS to allow him to finish his degree.

Apart from anything your DH has supported his child until now and pulling the rug out from under him at this point only a few months from the end of his degree would render all that pointless, especially if it caused him to have to drop out and work full time or "just" ruined their relationship for good...

Technically, no it’s not your problem. Morally, that depends on the circumstances.

Personally, if I could afford to continue until DSS at least finishes uni, I would. If not, then she has no choice but to sell up.

No not your problem.
She's relied on your generous payments and not got her ducks in a row in time.
Don't let DSS blackmail you on her behalf either but make sure you can house him if he needs a new home for a while.

Is dss still at home wirh his mother or out in a flat?

Can he get a part time job the way most students i know do or is his course too stressful/he has difficulties perhaps due to disabilities etc which would prevent this.

So does the mum work? Why can she not afford to run a house, are there any relevant circs? What happened to the lump sums? What does she expect to change in the next year that somehow makes her more able to afford her place?

Do you have room for ss at your house? Could you take him.

My thoughts are that she needs to stand on her own two feet. However the son shouldn’t only rely on her to look after his well-being amd housing needs. He had two parents and hes not a child so he has some responsibility for his own life now too.

But having lived with what couod potentially be a lazy ass useless mother with spending habits outwith her means and no regard for the future couod have made him a bit like that too.

Or maybe she has genuine issues like high rent in a posh area and will have to consider moving. We don’t know how ‘generous’ your partner has been. Some guys think a small sum is generous when actually it doesn’t touch the sides. Or he could be giving her £5k a month amd she has so much debt it’s all going on repayments she will never ever manage to see off.

Will DSS move back with his mum after graduating? Surely maintenance is to pay for DSS not the rent/mortgage. Has she only been able to live there because of the maintenance payments or has something happened with her work/business?

I don't really understand why she's receiving maintenance. Isn't DSS receiving it? Or does he live at home with her. If he mainly lives with her, I'd definitely continue until he graduates.