That DSS’s mum losing her house isn’t our problem.

No you are not, but its always the parent the sacrificed the most that gets the shit end of the stick, she has likely gone without her whole life whupe dad ran iff for family number two. I hope your DH doent put a single penny towards your DC after they turn 20 all being fair

If you had a child OP would you expect your husband to stop funding them entirely age 20? Sink or swim?

The only way you are not being unreasonable is if DSS has a completely comfortable full time home with you and will be able to live there while he launches his career. But doesnt DSS need to live a bit with his mum? I mean sure she could downsize but why make her do that until DSS is safely graduated and sorted.

Otherwise it just sounds like you're grumpy that the cost of a child doesnt just stop.

Yes I agree with this 👆

Sadly some women think an ex husband is a meal ticket for life

I agree with pps who have said it really depends on the situation with DSS. Will he need to live with her? That would affect my decision but ultimately, he's an adult at 20 so he owes her nothing in maintenance now. I mean legally you don't have to cover a 'child' when they go to uni.

Sounds like your DH has been generous so if it won't affect DS in terms of his housing then I'd say it is her problem to solve. It's not as if she hasn't had notice. Also I'd be worried that the 6 - 12 months will turn in 18 - 24 months etc etc ...

I don't understand why you'd be paying her once their son started uni? Surely the money went to his son given he is now an adult and probably not even living at home anymore, maintenance is to support the child, not to pay another adults mortgage for them. If their son graduates in 6 months time I assume he will then get a job and may possibly move away for work, why would you be paying this woman's mortgage for her? You aren't responsible for her. If their son moves back with the mum well she makes arrangements with him to pay rent to help cover her mortgage. If she can't afford her mortgage it isn't your responsibility. I'd stick to the original plan, she's done well to receive maintenance this long. She should have planned better for when this time came, she can't possibly have assumed you'd pay her forevermore.

Yep, if you agree to this there will surely be a further demand !!

It will be your problem when your husband’s child is homeless.

Daughter????

How do you know this is even true? I’d also expect there to be further requests to extend the time if you agree to this. People just get used to the status quo and don’t think about the future.

What did she get in the divorce settlement, where has DSS mainly been living and where will they live after uni?

No its not your problem
.Adult DSS needs to get a job and maybe his mother could follow suit

It depends on the circumstances.

How long have they been split up for - several years, in which case this would have been foreseeable, or fairly recently?

Maintenance being paid until DSS graduates uni is more than most people get, and there should be a cut off point at some stage.

If people are happy to work any job they can find, rather than in a specific field, possibly move a bit and share with others, whilst searching for better, it seems doable. Depends on area hugely, but appreciate finding a desirable job takes a long time.

Assuming you’re happy for him to come and live with you when he graduates then no it isn’t your husband’s problem. Maintenance should be about giving your child a quality of life, it’s not a bolt on salary for the other parent. That said if the son plans to return there and needs help to pay his way (which in turn keeps the home in his family) - that’s the way your husband needs to position it and make his decision.

Loads more detail needed as to why 6 months might be enough and where you’re expecting the son to go when he graduates.

Presumably there's still maintenance because he's living at home, otherwise you'd imagine the money going straight to him to make up the gap between loan and expenses (which can be a lot)

I think until OP clarifies it's hard to say. Obviously you can't make your own child homeless in their last 6 months of uni!

I'm not sure that "like most people" is true any more. Twenty plus years ago plus, yes. I never returned to my parents' home after university except as a visitor, and neither did my friends to theirs BUT my eldest is the only one of her peer group not to be living back with parents over a year after graduating (and some lived at home throughout). We helped her financially with the rental deposit and other one off costs so she could avoid a 90 minute commute each way to work from ours - again not something my parents would have done.

In the UK now 50% of 18 year olds start some type of degree and receive a lot more support than in the "old days" to finish, and half of them get firsts when it used to be a single figure percentage... There's an absolute glut of young graduates with "good" degrees plus a reduced job market for them.

I don't think "most" 21 year olds are in a position to be totally independent straight after graduating any more unless they're very lucky and driven or have a one off nest egg to launch them.

Her problem not yours sound like a cf in the making, 6 12 months will get exrended or there'll be another sob story from her.
Jog off would be my response with no apologies or excuses required.

Leaving it to the very last minute to make it like there’s no choice but to continue is a well-known tactic

There is absolutely no obligation to the ex once the DC’s are 18. I’ve no clue why you’re still paying? My ex pays DS directly by way of paying his Uni rent. We both have a bedroom for him so DS can stay with either of us when he’s home.
She needs to cut her outgoings or downsize, neither of which is your problem to solve or pay for.

This.
He's at uni so likely struggling on a student loan. He will then have to find a job. Perhaps he should move in with his dad?

I'm struggling to see why you need to fund his ex's home beyond when the legal agreement ends. Perhaps the extra 6 months is until the mortgage is paid off?
Has DSS received support directly from you, or have you sent the maintenance and that's been it?
We stopped sending maintenance once the kids were out of full-time education and heading to university. We then sat down with DM and offspring, and worked out how much each would need for halls etc (turned out to be cheaper to buy a flat) and they got that plus an allowance each month until the September when they graduated.
Appreciate not all exes manage to work together like this, and hope you get something sorted so DSS is able to get to the end of his course.

I think shes trying it on

She has now said if we can’t continue the payments for a minimum of 6-12 months then she will lose her house

Just because she has said it, doesn't mean it is actually true.

You need to find out if anything will materially change in 6 months, but don't be too hard on her. It can be a shocking moment when a separated mum realises that she can't afford to keep the family home until the children have homes of their own. Sure, she should have planned ahead, but lots of people don't.