That DSS’s mum losing her house isn’t our problem.

This really gets my goat. My ex pays me maintenance but it’s not a meal ticket. Why are these parents not planning ahead for when this money runs out? I’ve worked hard for years to make sure when his money is no longer coming in it won’t affect me or my children. I don’t understand why everyone isn’t of this mindset it boggles me.

Can you afford it easily? Did your DH leave her because he just fancied someone else? Does your DSS live with her? Is it a small house (i.e. she couldn’t reasonably downgrade)? Is she generally reasonable and amicable?

if the answer to any of these is yes I would agree to support for a while longer. You risk your relationship with DS if you don’t and that’s not something that can be replaced.

He is a student. It's normal to go home in the holidays, and most parents also want to support their children while they find their feet after leaving education.

Yeah not your problem. DSS is 20. Your husband has clearly propped her up. She needs to get a loan to cover the payments if she can’t make them. However you’ll need to make room at yours for DSS if he is then homeless as a result.

How do we know this is even true? People tell all sorts of lies to get money out of other people.

Lol...guessing you're a first wife!

Agree with you, assuming she isn’t parenting younger children. Several parents I’ve known have taken in additional part time employment to manage to make ends meet.
If you DSS’s mother has known the time was coming to stand on her own two feet and has done nothing to manage the situation…then that’s on her.
My own mother was an ostrich where finances were concerned and caused unnecessary stress for all concerned.
If you DH/partner chooses to financially support her for the next 6 months, that’s his choice, unless you too are going to be financially impacted…then it also becomes yours!
Personally, I wouldn’t leave someone straight from uni without a roof over their head. If you can accommodate him that would be the perfect solution.

This all depends on whether the DS actually still lives there or if he’s moved out. And this ‘deal’ for lumps sums and payments ending early. There isn’t enough info really.

could yournDH give money to his son and then it’s up to the son the subsidise his mother, pay his way etc. his father is liable to support him until he finishes university but there’s no obligation to his ex wife. When I and my
sibling turned 20 my dad gave us the maintenance money for uni costs and we paid digs and bills to our mum but it always left a bit for us too

Why can’t she get a job if her self-employment 🙄 income is insufficient?
Why has self employment got an eye roll? bizarre.

Think the OP has gone.

Where in the OP’s thread does it state that ‘Dad ran off for family number 2? Or are you just projecting?!

DSS is an adult, he doesn't need to live with OP.

Yes, this. She’s had years to plan.

Why can’t she get a job if her self-employment 🙄 income is insufficient?

What does DSS say about this? Does he have a job?

Nope not your responsibility, DSS is 20, and can get a job after graduation to help pay rent for the roof over his head.

I think you are potentially being U.

DH paid full maintenance until the summer after DSD finished Uni. So graduated then had the summer to travel before starting work in Oct.

She was still using her mums home (and ours but she would consider her mums her “base”) during Uni holidays and between bouts of travelling (that she had worked and saved for) before starting her post graduation “proper” job.

Technically he could have stopped paying when she was 18 but we didn’t think that was fair when she was still in education (we also helped her fund uni).

This was made clear in advance to her mum and DH was also clear this wouldn’t be further extended and she needed to be have financial plans in place after this date.

Personally I think (unless I’m missing something) you should be paying another 6 months until DSS finishes uni but after that his mum needs make her own arrangements and if that involves a lifestyle adjustment then so be it.

From what you’ve written her circumstances won’t alter in 6/12/18 months and it’s not reasonable for her to expect you to fund her forever.

It might become your problem, if your step child has to live with you, or if they side with their mum.

I think this depends on the back story. Why did they split up, was there an equal share of childcare etc. If she was forced to take a step back from a career because she was doing both parents share of pick ups, drop offs, sick days etc, or he left after agreeing that she could be a sahp for years so she was out of the workforce for ages, then I doubt a 'generous maintenance' would make up for the lifelong financial impact. If they both worked full time and both did an equal share of everything child related then I think he has been generous. It also depends on if the divorce settlement was fair to both sides.

I think it also depends on how financially comfortable you are. If you can easily afford it then making sure that the mother of his children doesn't lose her home is a good thing to do. If you're struggling then you shouldn't.

Quite. Seems like the ex has decided it’s to fund her rather than her child. It’s child maintenance. Not a divorce settlement.

His dad won’t have made his mum homeless though. She will have known for a long time when maintenance is to end- and she hasn’t made any plans for that; and to be fair, most NRPs seem to stop paying the other parent once the child is at uni and then pay funds direct to the child so this mum has already had over an extra 2 years which most won’t.

I think we need more info here though. Is the son away at uni or commuting from home? Where does he come back to in the holidays? What are his thoughts about what he will do once he graduates? It may be that supporting until exams/graduation for his sake is the right thing but I wouldn’t be committing financially supporting another household for an extra 12 months and would be making that clear.

I also agree with others-what does she think will happen in the 6-12 months that she hasn’t done or planned for before now and in particular over the last 3 years? What plans does she have in place_or will it be, I need another 6months and another … Unfortunately she is going to have to make plans, some of which might not be palatable.

I think you are being unreasonable to refer to the maintenance as 'generous' unless your husband's son hasn't lived there or benefited from the provision of a home by his mother? If you feel your husband didn't manage financial planning appropriately with his ex-wife and is now retreating from an important review point - that is something to discuss with him and tell him how you feel when he doesn't take your views into consideration. I am wondering if you are reflecting on how your step-son might be triangulated in any subsequent reverberations from the current discussion and if you might be blamed if there is a negative outcome between his mother and father?

So you expect your exes to fund your house, not just pay maintenance for their child?

If DSS has been at uni why has DH been giving maintenance to DSS mum? Or has DSS been living at home during his uni course?

Financial support for the 20 year old perhaps yes, but not for the ex.

The mental gymnastics some posters must go through to put down every single stepmum who posts here are hilarious 😂

If you can afford it then give it.
It's just money whereas your dh relationship with his ds is worth much more.