That DSS’s mum losing her house isn’t our problem.

Well, that’s it…the son should be of primary importance here. We are only reading a snapshot of the situation. Until the OP comes back with more information and her own thoughts we are in the dark.

It’s not your problem no

buti know for a fact that if my mum had said that to my dad he would of helped out

bowever my mum and dad were the best of friends even when they divorced. All the way until he died. I was extremely lucky.

What does dss need in his last six months of uni in order to successfully complete his finals and get a graduate job?
im guessing financial stress and losing his family home and having nowhere to go when his student accommodation ends isn’t high up on that list?
the OP says nothing about whether you will have dss live with you while he job hunts - that’s the most important question.

Depends on the divorce settlement to be honest.
I will have no qualms in rinsing my ex for every Penny for as long as I possibly can on the basis that if he had just sorted out the lump sum payment and ensured that we could’ve all been adequately housed 20 years ago none of this would be happening.

So how did it go down?

If her “business” doesn’t support her, she needs to get a job. Or jobs, plural.

I very much doubt if she’s in such financial straits to be unable to pay her rent/mortgage she would pass the risk criterion to obtain a loan.

I wouldn’t pay her a penny more. Between her and DSS they’ll have to figure it out. They’re are both adults of owning age.

So many MNers seem to think single mothers are owed this endless stream of assistance out of everyone else’s pocket.
The woman has had many years to plan and work toward this day. Her ex has been more than generous. The son is an adult. She needs to get out there and work like everyone else does to afford the lifestyle she desires.

She's got a job she runs a business the OP says. I dont think expecting the father of her child to contribute to her child's life and home is unreasonable. Conversely I know a few situations where the dad has left and gone on to earn as normal, leaving the mum in the shit because she has kids to raise, which makes it harder, especially doing it all solo. The men who had affairs seem to be the most bitter of them all for reasons I never understood.

The main focus for the dad in this situation should be his son's welfare.

Exactly. She would never repay a loan.

So many MNers seem to think single mothers are owed this endless stream of assistance out of everyone else’s pocket.

The woman has had many years to plan and work toward this day. Her ex has been more than generous. The son is an adult. She needs to get out there and work like everyone else does to afford the lifestyle she desires.

As she has made no plans for the future, assuming she could continue being supported by her ex. I wouldn't trust anything she put her name to.

DSS should have a part time job (normal at uni) to pay his mum when he goes home.

Ex should find a job if she wants to keep her home.

But, if it falls apart, then you and DH need to be ready to offer DSS a home. 🤷‍♀️

Also, an extra six months may allow her to downsize and get a job. Neither of which happen over night.

I think the suggestion of a loan, is a good compromise.

It would be very upsetting for your stepson to see his mum becoming homeless and this may impact upon him.

For the sake of his education if nothing else, and given that he is only about 6 months away from taking his finals, if I were your husband I would be agreeing to carry on helping his ex wife financially for another 6 months and then suggest the son comes to live with you for a while after uni.

There's a bigger picture here and the ex wife won't be the only one to have their life thrown into chaos if she loses her home. Though I would be asking her what is her plan for the longer term to earn more money.

Her "boy" is now 20, she needs to financially support herself. It's not up to her ex to house her! What an odd thing for you to think...

Parents have a legal obligation to support their child financially until age 25, provided the child is in full-time education or training. That’s the child though… not the child’s other parent or her home.

OPs husband may be giving his son money or paying his term time rent.

No doubt the mother will twist it to be the OP and her husband's fault. She's known this would be happening for years and has not made appropriate plans.

I think the answer is hugely dependent on (a) how much the divorce settlement reasonably accounted for the damage her career and savings took from taking responsibility for your DSS, (b) how much responsibility your current husband has taken for his own son and (c) what the impact will be on DSS.

There is a woman here, who has tried to keep things as normal as she can for her child after her husband left her for another woman. She has probably made career sacrifices to give her boy his best chances in life as well as having to go through being deserted by the man she thought she would be with for life. The least he can do is help her keep a roof over her head and a permanent home for their child.

Not sure where you are OP but in Scotland, your husband still has to make some contribution towards his son- if they are in full time education, up until the age of 25. Not sure what the rule is in England or elsewhere.

She has had plenty of time to prepare for DSS turning 21. She needs to find stable work and downsize. You have already provided requested lump sums.

Ah.
This woman can't force her ex to continue paying and it probably won't happen. But I feel a bit sorry for women in this position and don't think it happens so often to men, that their child reaching 18 or 20 means immediately selling the family home at a time when they want to keep the young person's bedroom for them for a while.

I wish my mother had forward planning like you. She would wait until ‘the shit hit the fan’ then run around like a headless chicken.

No it’s not your problem, it it may become your dh problem if mum loses a her house, as long as he is welcome and there is space at yours then that’s all fine and dandy.

I think I would also look to do something like this, not for the ex-DW, but for the sake of DSS. Draw up an agreement to extend support, but without being entangled in further support after that date.
If things haven't improved she will eventually have to sell the home.
Of course the characters in this are all hypothetical to me, in reality there might be reasons not to do this due to the individuals involved.