That DSS’s mum losing her house isn’t our problem.

Ah that could also be it - can OP clarify? Has DH paid up until the end of Uni or not?

I do agree wider support should be given if possible. But frankly, at 20 I would think that support should focus more on DS himself. Maybe help with getting a deposit for a flatshare or travel expenses etc. And of course OP & DHs home should be open to DS if he choses to come home for a bit.

Remember that how he treats her now, is how he'll treat you when you break up.

Hopefully the 'when' was a typo and you actually meant 'if'.

Otherwise your post makes you look a bit silly.

Maybe she has but that doesn’t entitle her to her ex or OP’s money. Why would it?

I'm in Scotland and have never heard of this.

Yes, I understand perfectly that it’s the child. I never stated that this contribution would go to the ex.

Full time education. Not university.

It depends on the individual circumstances.

I had to give up my career/earning potential/pension to look after disabled dc. Maintenance comes to an end but disabilities dont. Why should the burden just fall on one parent?

Agreement in place and she is moving goal posts. Minimum of 6 to 12 months could mean forever. Agreement needs to be honoured which your DH has done. Say no.

Yep in uk, you support until education is finished

That’s not how I read the OP.

The maintenance finishes Dec 2025 which has already been paid as a lump sum.

However DSS does not finish Uni for another 6 months (so summer 2026).

I think asking for another 12 months is cheeky but I don’t think asking for another 6 months necessarily is for the child to finish education.

Either way she should have planned for this.

But you need to consider the wider fallout.

If the OP and DH can afford it I would pay the extra 6 months but be crystal clear that is it and that whatever the repercussions mum needs to cut her cloth so to speak.

The OP say she works for herself and frankly this could mean anything from a low paying “vanity” project to a potentially successful business that may be struggling in the current economic climate.

Again, either way she needs to work out what she can afford long term and that may mean a change of job or downsizing her outgoings (including the mortgage either by refinancing or sale).

The flip side of course is what the OP and her DH can afford.

We were in a position where frankly keeping the relationship on a good footing was well worth the £££ and didn’t mean compromising our own (and our joint children’s) needs and wants. But I appreciate not everyone is in the same boat.

See my exH would think like this but no-one knows what's going on with her. Maybe she's had severe mental health problems which means she's barely left the house for a year. As a random example.

This is the first time I’ve ever heard of parents being legally required support a “child” in education until they are 25? Are you talking about England?

The poster said that was in Scotland

YANBU. She must have known that her finances can't stretch to paying her mortgage for years but doesn't seem to have made plans to increase her income or downsize. Your DH's responsibility is towards his son. He shouldn't be paying his ex anything when the DSS left for Uni 2 years+ ago.

My exH has always had this attitude towards me, not realising that me and the kids come as a unit. I could literally be dying and he would still be saying it wasn't his problem.

Remember that how he treats her now, is how he'll treat you when you break up.

This post made me curious enough to advance search the OP.

But all I can see from her is this thread?

So her husband left her for another woman and then deserted her, meaning she probably had to make career sacrifices?

Are you able to say where you got this information from @mugglewump?

Do you know the OP in real life and is there a backstory she's not telling us?

This is the first time I’ve ever heard of parents being legally required support a “child” in education until they are 25? Are you talking about England?

Where does it say this? You've just made that up about him leaving for another woman, mad

That's her responsibility

Don’t extend any more payment! It can be seen by a court as setting expectation and it could be ordered to continue beyond the 6-12 months. Anyway, doesn’t sound like she has a plan if it’s huge time g st p of half a year?

Especially these days when young adults still live at home. She knew the plan and it’s her responsibility to plan towards it. If the plan didn’t work, also her responsibility to have alternatives.

You seemed to have filled an enormous amount of detail here with zero facts to go on

are you the mum

There might be lots of different scenarios here. But...

I guess with the rise of cost of everything, particularly housing, she is struggling to make ends meet. I'm assuming that she is a single income household whereas the Dad is in a two income household. Her rent or mortgage payments may have shot up and only the maintenance was keeping the wolf from the door. I am also assuming that her home is the main residence for DSS. If the maintenance has been generous and has (at least) covered some of DSS's additional costs at Uni then it is time for her to be weaned off.

She needs to be directed to expert advice on either her mortgage or rent. And if she hasn't done so already and there are no barriers, she should be looking for additional income ie a second job.

Assuming further that DH and DSS are in contact and have a good relationship - it would be helpful for DH to have DSS' views on the situation and options on the table to support DSS after uni ends and his transition into (hopefully) an employed role.

But from the OP, DH did fund until the end of Uni? It is just that the Ex wanted the cash in a 6 month lump sum advanced. She surely can't have it both ways?

She’s a grown arse woman who will have known this was coming since she started receiving maintainence. She may have even got longer than she initially expected as her son intended stayed in education! And she no longer has a ‘child’ to support, legally anyway.

I think giving her a six month pity payment is not teaching her anything. She’s not planned financially and that’s not your problem.

If you leave her to sort this out so am sure she will be able to find a way. Either sensibly via reducing expenses, getting more hours, another job, or getting some rent from her son when he’s at work, or universal credit etc if he is not! Or not sensibly eg loan, credit…

I agree with others that dss should not suffer. It’s not his fault his mother has been foolish, from the sounds of it anyway. If the worst should happen and she can’t house him he should have the option to stay with you.

Presumably the money your DH has been paying for the past few years has been paid directly to his son at Uni. He may choose to continue paying something to his son until he gets a job but that’s all surely. I’d be expecting DSS to get some sort of job even if it’s bar work or a call centre or something, just so he’s contributing to his home with his mum.

This. It is not your problem to continue supporting her now things are changing. She should have planned for this and at least discussed with son how things would be funded at end of maintenance. Otherwise 6-12 months, I guarantee, will become more.