Page 12 | That DSS’s mum losing her house isn’t our problem.

kkloo · 22/11/2025 18:46

CheeseIsMyIdol · 22/11/2025 15:51

So many MNers seem to think single mothers are owed this endless stream of assistance out of everyone else’s pocket.

The woman has had many years to plan and work toward this day. Her ex has been more than generous. The son is an adult. She needs to get out there and work like everyone else does to afford the lifestyle she desires.

You have no idea what the womans circumstances are, you also don't know if her ex has been more than generous either, he could have been paying the bare minimum for all you know, and he's been legally obliged to financially contribute.

Glasgowmama88 · 22/11/2025 18:45

As he’s 20 and not a child, then surely he should be contributing to the home?

Londonrach1 · 22/11/2025 18:44

Where will dss live in Jan? If with you or got a job and paying rent etc his mum housing issue isn't your problem...mostly yanbu but more worried about dss

Dutchhouse14 · 22/11/2025 18:41

Ericeric · 22/11/2025 12:50

So long as DSS can live with you and his DD it’s not your problem.

This^

DH needs to house his DS if his ex can't.

Interested what would happen after 6 months though.
Is it she can't afford to fund DSS through uni AND pay rent/mortgage??
Personally I would (and do) continue to support my DC through uni and until they found a full time job.
That's the reality of parenting.
I don't know anyone IRL that's stopped supported their DC at 20.
So if an extra 6 months maintenance would give DSS stability and DH can afford it I'd do it. And I would support them beyond graduation until they found full time work too.

kkloo · 22/11/2025 18:39

MellowPinkDeer · 22/11/2025 18:22

Of course it’s literally nothing to do with you. She has had YEARS to make a plan for when the maintenance stops. It’s pathetic that she still wants to rely on her ex. As long as you still support the step son that’s all you need to do.

edited to add, you’ve already been very generous. We won’t be paying maintenance to the mum when ours go to uni. We will give them an allowance instead.

Edited

Can't a court make you pay until a certain age if they're in full time education?

SpinningaCompass · 22/11/2025 18:38

heavenknow · 22/11/2025 12:42

DSS is 20, graduating uni in 6 months. DH has paid a generous maintenance throughout. The agreement they had in place was financial support ended in Dec 25. (Due to lump sum payments requested by ex)
She has now said if we can’t continue the payments for a minimum of 6-12 months then she will lose her house. She currently works for herself. AIBU to think this isn’t our problem?

Perhaps she needs to get a second job that isn't 'working for herself' if she can't afford her own home...

GaIadriel · 22/11/2025 18:36

Would surely be better to give the money directly to DSS? If it's paying for him that's causing her issues then this will take off some of the pressure. If, however, she's just been coasting on the money and not got her ducks in a row then that's her issue.

GehenSieweiter · 22/11/2025 18:34

lohpetite · 22/11/2025 17:52

Yeah, he can move into the abundance of affordable rental properties out there 🙄 Talk about out of touch.

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Pardon?

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 22/11/2025 18:30

@heavenknow will you be returning to the threads?

arethereanyleftatall · 22/11/2025 18:28

So many people still commenting with zero details or context from the op who hasn’t bothered to come back.
what’s the point? Everyone is just projecting the missing details in one direction or the other.

Crochetandtea · 22/11/2025 18:26

The young adult should be fully supported by both parents until they finish uni and are working .

MellowPinkDeer · 22/11/2025 18:22

Of course it’s literally nothing to do with you. She has had YEARS to make a plan for when the maintenance stops. It’s pathetic that she still wants to rely on her ex. As long as you still support the step son that’s all you need to do.

edited to add, you’ve already been very generous. We won’t be paying maintenance to the mum when ours go to uni. We will give them an allowance instead.

StitchHappens · 22/11/2025 18:19

Is she supporting dss financially? Is your dh supporting him directly? Or does he consider maintenance to be his contribution? What does he consider generous in terms of maintenance? A lot of men think if they pay anything it's generous!

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 22/11/2025 18:13

Omgblueskys · 22/11/2025 17:16

Yep in uk, you support until education is finished

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Nope that's not the legal obligation.

Whataninterestinglookingpotato · 22/11/2025 18:07

Why is the money being paid to the ex? Surely at his age any financial support should be paid directly to DSS to help with uni living costs. Or is it that if you DH stops the payments she will have to start giving DSS more which she can’t afford?

I would say if the money is being paid to her then tough titties, as long as you’re happy for DSS to come and live with you if needed after uni. But if it’s going to DSS and he will potentially be left short then you DH should continue so his son doesn’t suffer.

Roastiesarethebestbit · 22/11/2025 18:07

These things are never black and white. Is this spousal or child maintenance? Is DSS being supported through uni with separate funds? If this maintenance ends before DSS finishes Uni how will this effect his finances?

x2boys · 22/11/2025 18:01

Omgblueskys · 22/11/2025 17:16

Yep in uk, you support until education is finished

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Not legally you dont.

whitewinefriday · 22/11/2025 18:00

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 22/11/2025 17:58

Surely maintenance finishes when he actually finishes uni. So still six months left...

It depends what the divorce settlement stated

HisNibs · 22/11/2025 18:00

PinkyFlamingo · 22/11/2025 17:35

I'm in Scotland and have never heard of this.

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This statement about it being up until they are 25 is codswallop. In the UK, it's up until they are 20 providing they are in approved education or training, otherwise it's the 31st August following their 16th birthday if they leave education/training: https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service/eligibility

Child Maintenance Service

How to set up or manage a child maintenance arrangement, including what to do if a parent does not pay, how to contact the Child Maintenance Service, and signing in to your account.

https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service/eligibility

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 22/11/2025 17:58

Surely maintenance finishes when he actually finishes uni. So still six months left...

TheDenimPoet · 22/11/2025 17:56

YANBU. If your DSS has graduated and is now old enough to be working, the contribution towards his upkeep and housing needs to come from him, out of his wage. That's the whole point of the payments - to pay for your child until they are adults and take care of themselves. In no way do you have to subsidise her living arrangements.

tomorrowtoblerone · 22/11/2025 17:53

Really depends on the DHs financial situation

lohpetite · 22/11/2025 17:52

GehenSieweiter · 22/11/2025 14:59

DSS is an adult, he doesn't need to live with OP.

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Yeah, he can move into the abundance of affordable rental properties out there 🙄 Talk about out of touch.

Shinyandnew1 · 22/11/2025 17:51

Isn't the money going to the son at university to help with their living costs? What's it got to do with the mum and her losing her house?

whitewinefriday · 22/11/2025 17:43

Omgblueskys · 22/11/2025 17:16

Yep in uk, you support until education is finished

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That’s not a legal requirement though. And some divorce settlements state maintenance finishes at the end of A levels/sixth form, not necessarily the end of uni.

This is where is gets a bit ridiculous, if ‘together’ parents can’t afford to help through uni, then so be it, but there seems to be more obligation on separated parents, particularly fathers