That DSS’s mum losing her house isn’t our problem.

I'm still not convinced that DSS is going to get a reduced degree classification due to his mother's situation, especially not if he can move in with his father and the OP. Its not like he's 12 ....

so hiss dad paid maintence even though he had him half the time and posters are saying he shoujld carry on paying

ridiculous

makes me wonder if it's been linked to some kind of bitter divorced dads pile on.

That's ridiculous as a bitter bio mum pile on.

OP's DH has done everything right, paid 50/50 child support even though they have DS 50/50.

Of course the arrangement should end by the end date.

When your mortgage ends, will you give the bank an extra 6 months of payments?

How could he be homeless when his dad's home is his home too?

Or do you think only the mum's home is home?

And obviously all the people saying that would be happy to pay their exes rent for years because it’s morally the right thing to do. Honestly some people on here are so full of it and they think people actually believe them too.

Lots of people here saying, pay it for another 6-9 months etc, as it's morally the right thing to do - I'm sure the OP will pass on bank details for anyone so generous.

If DSS is still basically living at his Mum's, i.e. most of his stuff is there and he just takes the basics up to uni for term-time, then maybe not putting an extra load of stress on him in the run up to his finals would be best for him - yes it's annoying as the agreement was only until December, but is it worth the risk of screwing up his final degree classification, considering the amount of money that's already been invested in his education?

Great. I’ll give you my account details right away!

Absolutely. And I imagine DSS will realise this

OP's DH gave DSS's mum a generous lump sum that he legally didn't need to do. It was entirely at her discretion what she spent the money on. If he gives her more money, she could spend it on something else and keep coming back for more money.

As she is renting and obviously now has no income, I don't understand why she hasn't applied for UC and help with her rent. If she hasn't done this, what is she living on? She has obviously become accustomed to being supported financially by her son's father and has made no provision re her finances for what happens when this arrangement ends. I think that if OP's DH gives her this money now, she will keep coming back for more.

But this goes back to the dad and step mums bad decision- they knew the lump sum was for the mother’s business debts, not maintenance. They knew it wouldn’t be spent on DSS yet they agreed to it, knowing DSS would still be in full time education and needing support at the point the money ran out.

knowing the lump sum was to prop up a failing business and still allowing it to be classed as maintenance was a shockingly shit decision by the dad. Knowing it would push this crunch to the last key months of his son’s education yet agreeing to it was super shit. Yes the mother agreed to this, the father has to own the fact he went along with it.

But the ‘maintenance’ amount till end of uni has already been paid as part of the lump sum payment. It’s not like she’s being shortchanged what she’s owed.

Perhaps if things are so dire and needs to consider getting a 2nd job. It’s not like she needs to work around her son.

@FancyBiscuitsLevel It would’ve made more sense to have downsized this year tbh if she knew that she wouldn’t be able to afford her current property without the maintenance. It’s all very odd.

Or, in light of the season, called miser or "Scrooge."

Maybe if more people had the savings ethic there wouldn't be so many on the dole.

Absolutely but as you’ll see on mn those whose pockets are being picked should be grateful and joyful, and if not they are evil and hateful…

Some people have the mentality that it's OK to pick others' pockets indefinitely and some don't. That the former are gaining on the latter is a huge problem in today's society.

Why would he blame OP and his dad? If he's mature enough to be taking exams he's mature enough to understand that a grown woman who's had 20 years to figure out how to support herself, and abjectly failed, (preferring to "run her own (failing) business") is completely taking the piss.

it doesn’t matter if the dad is responsible or not for his ex being homeless, it won’t change the fact it will probably effect their joint child. Right when he needs to study and focus.

Im not suggesting the OPs dh should continue to support the mother forever. Just until their son has graduated. It’s 6 months. After that, while I’m sure he’d be upset his mum was made homeless, it’s not going to fuck up his degree. (and if they give her money until August, the DSS may have left the country by the time the mums financial mess catches up with her and he won’t be around to witness it.)

Or there’s another option. The norm round us is when maintenance stops at end of year 13, if the child is then going to uni, the maintenance amount is then paid directly to the child to support themselves at uni.

normally, the child has gone away to uni, but would the OPs DH consider that option?

The mother is responsible. That doesn’t change the fact the OP is probably very wrong that her DSS “will be OK”.

If maintenance had stopped at end of year 13, then that would make sense. Keeping going to now seems an odd choice and even odder to stop now knowing it’s going to lead to the son being put through the emotional wringer just when he has the toughest part of his degree.

It doesn’t really matter whose fault it is, it won’t change the DSS being put through the stress. The mum should have sorted herself out. She hasn’t. The dad can either prop the mum up until the summer when it won’t matter as much, or he can let her life unravel right when it’s got the potential to fuck up his son’s education.

The dad here has more than fulfilled his responsibilities to his son. He's had 50/50, but still paid maintenance and the mother's business debt. That's above and beyond.

His responsibility is to his son, not to support his ex whose business seems to have never gotten off the ground as she says she can't pay rent. He can't be expected to subsidize her forever because they had a relationship 17 years ago. Son can live with him. Mom will have to get a job and downsize.

She is making herself homeless! OP and her husband are no more responsible for financing the ex than you or me.

Good gracious. 18 YEARS she’s had to sort herself out!! Some people are just ridiculous.

The person responsible for this will be his mother.

Oh come on OP, are you really so lack of empathy that you really think it won’t fuck up his finals if his mum is made homeless, even if he’s ok?!

Has it not occurred to you and your DH that the fact his mum will be in a mess and distraught will cause stress for him right when he needs to study?

Look - be hard hearted if you think it’s really important to stick to the principle not be kind, but don’t lie to yourself that your DSS won’t be effected.

Have you factored in the long term damage to your /your DHs relationship with DSS when he invariably blames you for his mums homelessness?