To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

So assuming this is the first year of living where you do. The little girl next doors circumstances are worrying. And this is what is bothering you I think.
No child should be knocking on the door at 7.30 in the morning. And she seems to spend rather a lot of time there. Have you met Granny ? You might pick up on a few issues if you did. I suspect you might have the little girl for Christmas Day as well. What you are feeling uncomfortable about isn't the amount of time she spends with your daughter, but the unknowns and her unusual situation.
I would go round and knock on their door. And see what gives and take it from there.

No. You’ve said no. Don’t let her dictate this. The girl needs to know she cannot just come over when she likes. For a family-only special event it’s just family. You made your decision and that’s your preference. It’s up to you for other things that might be family-only or next Christmas if you all have a conversation and agree that your daughter can have a friend around. You’re the adult. Don’t let a 7-year old neighbour tell you what to do (and against your wishes).

Arriving at 7:30 on a morning is not convenient. Decide on a time and say she can visit at that time, and then don’t answer the door or just say “no, you cannot visit this early, come back at X time”. Repeat as many times as necessary.

When does your child go to her house? My son has two friends and he’s never been to their house yet they’ve been to ours a lot of times (one tens of times and the other hundreds of times). Incredibly selfish really. Clearly it’s not the girl’s fault but the parents. They are using you for childcare. Does she eat and snack at yours too? No one minds if it’s fair and both children share their time between houses.

Edited - just realised it’s a grandparent next door. Makes it more complicated but it’s the same impact on you. Selfish on the part of her parents / grandparent.

Yanbu. Kids decorating trees is usually a mess imo.

them choosing some decorations, absolutely

@Decemberisthemostexpensivemonth it sounds like you more than accommodate this girl.

You don’t have to accommodate her for every eventuality… including this one.

Christmas crafts on a different day… but this one is for you and the family and that’s absolutely fine!

It sounds like your daughter is at the age where she would enjoy having her friend join her dressing the tree. I'd go with what your daughter wants on this occasion - it gets boring when it's just mummy and daddy and she may simply prefer having someone her own age as she's an only child.

When did it get normal not to keep some events for just family? My parents were always very sociable, but it was super rare to have friends round for Sunday dinner (and would be their friends with kids, rather than a single friend of mine or my siblings, like it would be on a weeknight or a Saturday). I don’t see the problem with keeping this tradition as a family one. To dd you say sorry, no, this is just for us because it’s our family time. And similar to the friend. She can come round the next day and do the activity with your dd as you suggest.

Even if it’s a boundary your dc doesn’t much like at the moment, it’s important that she sees her friends don’t make the rules: if she struggles to tell them no, if they are quite dominating (or worse) and insinuate themselves into all her activities, she needs to know that you’re there keeping home a safe place where it’s just family some of the time.

You may need to spell it out to the mum AND the grandma! "I understand your DD enjoys being at our place but we would like some family time, especially for our Christmas traditions. Oh and by the way please keep her from showing up at 7.30 in the morning at our place. We are happy to see her cute little face after 10am but not on that particular day.". I totally get you as mum of 2 boys who constantly have friends knocking on the door (not at 7.30 am though 🤣). Stay strong!

I wouldn’t allow it.

It’s okay to want a special family day. It sounds like an important tradition. It’s also okay that the little girl next door wants to be included. The tricky part is balancing what you want with what she wants. I second an earlier suggestion; keep your family tradition and plan a fun Christmas Day for your daughter and friend with arts and crafts, baking and Christmas tunes. That way your desires and the little girl’s wishes are both accommodated. Win win.

There are some seriously OTT suggestions on this thread.

My view is that you just need to explain to DD that the tree decorating is family time and she can see her friend another time. No need for elaborate parallel plans. You need to start enforcing some boundaries with this friend.

As a side note, some children are just like this and their parents have never told them not to just invite themselves to things. This makes it awkward for you, but you have to just be clear.

Your house, your rules. Just say no if that’s what you want. Sometimes, children are disappointed by our decisions. That’s ok.

What??
Now we’ve escalated into OP furnishing a tree for the child’s home too??

Yikes.
what was her (batshit) reasoning?!

we had a very similar situation with a friend of dd’s always being at our house everyday and I really just wanted an evening without someone else’s child in my home. It ended up blowing up with her mum coming screaming at my door because I’d just come home from work and said no to the children playing together.

(then you dd and DH can do the big tree together later on or next day!)

In your shoes I’d get dd a tree for her bedroom and I’d probably buy the girl next door one aswell , and I’d get them a load of (second hand?) decorations and they can do their own trees!! Xo

I totally get where you are coming from but I do wonder if you’ll find it’s not the same this year as your daughter may feel very sad doing it that she can’t have her friend there. Maybe let her come for some of the activity then have your family only time after that?

This is someone else's kid and OP is not obliged to entertain her. If grandma can't deal with her she needs to talk to the mother and have her seek alternative childcare arrangements rather than let the 7 year old come knocking and calling the neighbours at 7.30 in the mornings. It's downright rude to allow this kid to invite herself to the neighbours. I used to have a neighbour kid years ago her and her mum were new to the street she was probably around 8 at the time she'd come knocking at stupid times for my kids cos her mother would shove her out the door to get her out of her way for a few hours. Once she came knocking as I was taking my kids shopping I told her I'm on my way out shopping and she asked to come along I told her no as her mum didn't even bother to get to know anyone in the street and I wasn't about to take a strangers kid out with me. Got home from shopping this kid was sat on my doorstep waiting for us to come back and started looking in my shopping bags asking for ice creams and sweets.

I would stop the 7.30 am calls. But sounds like the friend is a bit neglected at home, but on the other hand she needs to take no for an answer and you've already said no to tree decorating. So stick to that.

I wouldn't even answer my door at 7.30am! We would all still be fast asleep at the weekend anyway. Can you not set a few little boundaries for her? My daughters bestie is lovely but often tries to video call her in the morning on the school runs. Life is hectic enough without any extra distractions so we don't answer. I would do the same if someone knocked on the door. Just be like, nope, sorry, come back after 10. Maybe take the girls out for a little Christmas walk somewhere to meet halfway, and then drop her home before you go back to your family afternoon. If you drop her home then that then draws a line under her coming back over. Then tell your daughter she needs to check invites with you first.

@CheeseIsMyIdol

a) Christmas is not JUST about little children. In our family it's about everyone. Adults are allowed to enjoy the Christmas season and their own traditions, too. In fact, I hope this doesn't cause anyone to faint dead away, in my extended family and friends circle we actually have several events across the season at which children are not welcome at all!

This reminds me that when I was 12, I asked my grandmother when she was going to get out the miniature Christmas tree she had as I wanted to decorate it. She took me aside and asked me to let my grandfather do the decorating as he loved it so much!

ETA: OP, just do your tree day as you had planned. I wouldn’t get a mini tree for your DD to decorate with her friend, unless it was your plan all along. The children can do other Christmas related stuff, crafts, cookie decorating, etc.

that. nasty comment only says a lot about YOU 😂

Must say I’m pretty gobsmacked that anyone in 2025 would be of the opinion that a family unit isn’t really anything to cherish, compared with providing full access and indulgence for all the children of the parish (as though we all lived on 1970s communes) on the basis that children aren’t sufficiently prioritised in our society, but are stifled and ground down by Victorian parenting standards.

I’d have thought it was this laissez-aller attitude to being a parent that has made entitlement and self-absorption the chief characteristics of many a modern teenager, and the adults emerging from this kind of chrysalis are downright dangerous.
(OK, an extreme take on the matter, but there’s a sense of doom in the air this morning. 🤷🏼)

What a nasty, snide thing to say!

What a nasty, snide thing to say!