To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

I think if DD really wants her there to decorate the tree I would include her and let them do that together.

DD is 7 and growing up, it’s natural to adapt traditions as she becomes more independent and looking more to include and celebrate with peers.

Your daily boundaries around what time she comes to play I do agree are sensible (and perhaps it may help to also limit to specific days), but yes you are being a bit precious about this particular thing IMO.

Tell grandma that when you’re available for a playdate you will let her know. The child should not be setting the agenda for everyone else.

I would tell her, and her grandmother, that although it’s lovely for her to come and play with DD, you’d rather she didn’t call you or come round before X o’clock. Don’t let them walk all over you.

That sounds great!

It sounds like an honest mistake, you were inside and he was told to leave it outside, let it go.

Good grief. 🙄

That figures.

Apparently I must hate her child because I don’t want her to play with my children. Really I think it’s because she is a single mother of four and it was one less child to have to deal with it she was at mine.

X

Nice! 🧀

Exactly this. It's a slippery slope, changing everything you do, to suit some random child, and the parents will allow you to look after her as much as possible if you're soft enough to do it.

We have a cheeseboard and champagne while trimming the tree.

This. ^ Putting the tree up on 15th December is as late, as 15th November is early! We already have ours up, (and all the lights outside and in,) but won't put any of the lights on til next weekend. (29th November.)

As an aside, is it mandatory to have a hot chocolate after getting the 'real' tree? And then have mince pies and mulled wine when you've schlepped the tree home?!😆Loads of people seem to do this same thing!

This ,the amount of ppl on here who want to bully a child is vile .
Treat the child the same way you would like your own to be treated .

When the child is 7, I'd say they'll most likely be onboard with decorating a tree, drinking hot chocolate, etc. And if they're not, they can play with toys or whatever they normally would do at that time of day. It's not as though OP is trying to force her daughter into a weekly hobby she hates. It's an annual Christmas tradition that lasts one day. I don't think you need to consult with your kids on this type of thing, to be perfectly honest. You're the parent and you set the rules.

It’s fine to have a family tradition if the family are on board. If they aren’t it’s time to compromise.

It’s really simple. You put your foot down and say friend can’t come round that day as we are having special family time. Ffs don’t let a 7 year old tell you what’s going to happen - you tell them.

If you want a family Christmas Tree tradition - that's absolutley fine, there will be other occiasions to include your DD's friends.

One thing I would say - DD shouldn't be inviting anyone over to play without asking you first. Yes I know it's her home, encouraging independence etc, but there are boundaries and common courtsey which your DD needs to be aware of, or she could be offering all sorts of invitations to all sorts of people.

My DD offered my services to her teacher, to make all the costumes for the class Christmas show. Did I ? Of course not, the teacher was fully aware this would be unrealistic. However I didn't hear this from either my DD or the teacher, but one of my DD friend's Mums who asked if I needed any help as she'd heard I was making all the costumes. So at least one like friend believed my DD's offer. DD never offered again...

edited for spelling

Why on earth should OP “balance” her preferences with those of a stranger’s child???

Some people are deliberately obtuse or just itching for a fight. Back in the real world, it sounds like the OP has been very forbearing with this child, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a family tradition that is just for your family.

Also, children don't get to call the shots on everything. Even if OP's daughter genuinely thought it might be fun to have her friend there, that doesn't mean it has to happen or that she won't enjoy her family-only tree-decorating tradition without the friend, and with a rather pushy child, it seems more likely that she's heard about it and essentially invited herself.

Having a seasonal and merry activity afternoon for the two of them to share sounds like an excellent compromise, OP. I hope you enjoy your special Christmas tradition and that the kids have fun with whatever you end up doing with them later on.

7 😂

Stop being so uptight and precious.
They’re 77 years old ffs. Let them enjoy it.

Yeah, 59-60 is not young for a grandma. 😆 Is your image of grandparents always frail and doddery and 'old,' sitting in a reclining chair powered by electric, with a blanket over their legs, watching Gardening Shows, not going out to work, and never leaving the house?!

Fooking hell! 😂 You have some funny ideas about what a grandparent is mate!

They are 7. You are being unreasonable it's lovely to have other children help. My eldest son's friends have helped us a couple of times and they had a fantastic time, he still remembers these it. He was an only child at the time and it brought more magic to them all. To me that's what Christmas is about. Friends and family.
But I'm saying that it's your thing and your child so it's your decision.