To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

Why is everyone being bitches about the OPs traditions?
have a day off ladies, it’s (nearly) Christmas)

And op, you do need to have a word with the kids granny, my mum would have been horrified if when babysitting my kids they would want to knock next door at 730am

I’m out of kilter here but I think it’s a bit mean to tell your child they can’t have a friend around for the tree! Is it really that deep-your dd might like having another child around to have fun with doing Christmas things. Since when did we get do very precious?

Exactly. And all of the rubbish about what DD wants - a 7 year old does not set the family's social or weekend agenda. This is a good time for her to learn she checks with parents before inviting anyone to the home.

If she's already SO jaded that a fun day with "just" mum and dad strikes her as dull, well, I'd give her a Christmas so dull she'd never complain again. As in, "if you don't enjoy the tree, you don't have to help trim it, you can stay in your room until tomorrow, and we won't bother with outings this season or packages under the tree on Christmas morning, either. Go read a book."

The "Christmas is after all for children" claptrap is so annoying. There hasn't been a child born in my extended family in 30 years and we have rocking Christmas seasons, with lots of "rituals" and "traditions." And nary a child in sight.

Could be stuff going on in her home. In the bigger scheme of things is it really a big deal? I’m sure you have other family things you can do.

It’s not a random kid it’s the child’s friend and her neighbour. People are so wierd why are you all so bothered about her 7 year old friend joining in 🤣🤣🤣🤣 wtf

Read some of the ways so posters have talked about this 7 year old child .

Omg it’s not that deep you have soo many christmasses ahead of you. Bit mean she’s only 7

“Bully a child” What?!
Saying “sorry my love you can’t come round to play today as we’re having time just as family” isn’t bullying! No wonder some kids have no resilience if this is considered bullying.

Exactly. These seven year olds and their scheming to take over other people's Christmas plans. This girl is clearly a narcissist in the making.

Well, the classic translation in English does mention ‘suffer’, in relation to those little children…..🤣

how important is it to your DD to have her friend involved? Will she be very upset if friend cannot take part? Does she enjoy the family vibe thing as much as you and DH?

I'll go against the grain and say I think it would be quite nice if you did involve this little friend in a fun day like that. She's clearly not getting much fun at home if she's often at yours! (and her parents are getting free childcare, grrr) I'd just feel sorry for her. Having a friend at a Christmas family event can shake it up a bit and make it lovely. Bloody hell, I'd LOVE it if we could have friends included in our fairly staid family Christmas stuff but our younger child being profoundly autistic and resistant to change/outsiders means that's a no. We still have both sets of grandparents but for varying reasons (mostly to do with age and infirmity) neither set comes to us/us to them and I'm really sad about that. I'd love to add a friend into the mix!

But having said that, your Christmas ritual of getting the tree sounds very set in stone, and you're clearly going to be upset if it varies, and it IS your Christmas ritual, after all.

I just hope your daughter's little friend gets to decorate her own tree.

so negative- life must be hard hope it gets better.

Just say no, she's 7, so what if she wants to join in, she isn't invited. Also if she has a shit home life this isn't your problem, I wouldn't have random kids around when we are decorating the tree, if my children asked I'd say no, they can do their own tree, we do ours as a family. I'd nip the whole coming over thing in the bud, if it's encroaching on your weekend, you just say no and repeat. She will get bored of asking eventually.

Stick to your guns op.

Also the 7.30am calls would drive me mad!

This

What rubbish.
It's fine to keep an event just for family. What's the betting if the friend comes the kids end up arguing anyway & it all goes South.

OP - if you're even still there by now, just keep it to family only and enjoy it. Sounds like you have a lovely tradition going on

That’s a lovely post 💕

That kid needs some boundaries.

Maybe this is all being over thought - Christmas is really for children and your lovely kind daughter wants to involve another little child with some Christmas magic- been through similar things myself and the lesson being you can't control everything around you. It would be so nice just to let go and accommodate your child's wishes especially ones like this that are so sweet and thoughtful-nobody is setting out to hurt your feelings you are the safe responsible parent its a mark of respect. Sometimes things come to us for a reason and maybe this was your chance to do something lovely for someone else.

It is perfectly reasonable to say no to the other child. I would also have a word with the grandmother and say something along the lines that the friendship between the girls is lovely but you don't want her calling round or on the phone before 10am. And certainly not at 7.30am. It is all very inconsiderate and sounds like a lack of discipline and boundaries going on, which isn't the child's fault. You clearly allow her round a lot of the time but you are also entitled to your family time and traditions without having to be responsible for someone else's child.

A child might think it's desirable to have a "friend join the fun" but it's not her call.

I do agree with this. But I’m not sure from the OP’s post that this was a case of her child wanting this child to come. It sounds to me like it’s the neighbour who has said “I want to come - can I come?” and the OP’s child (who has no doubt been taught to be kind and polite etc) has said yes without thinking about it too much. And when she’s gone back and said “actually, mum says no”, the neighbour child has been even pushier about it and dug her heels in and said “I’m coming - my mum said so”. Doesn’t sound like it was the OP’s DD who was pleading to have her friend there.

I’d send a text to the grandma saying “think the girls may bell have some crossed wires? I did ask DD to say to neighbour that we have plans for Sunday so that’s not convenient for a play date - but they can get together soon and perhaps do something Christmassy? Hope all’s well etc”.

Not that great. DD wants friend. And it's Christmas. We adapt our traditions as we grow.

Take the friend. It doesn't sound as if her family do much. Christmas is after all about giving to others. Born in a stable, remember?

I wonder what the friends home life is like that she's want to be around someone else family so often.

I understand wanting it to be just the three of you and you don't have to be that saintly neighbour who takes all the kids in but my instincts tell me that friend may not have the best time at home which is sad 😢. I hope I'm wrong.