To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

Oh yes of course... We women must all #BEKIND and succumb to manipulative behaviour and emotional blackmail, and let others walk all over us, no matter how unhappy or shit it makes us feel.

BE KIND BE KIND BE KIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FFS!

I think you - and many others on this thread - need to think about what Christmas actually means. It isn't all about you and your little family.

Fine to want to do some things family only, but if your DD really wants her friend to join in then it may not be the fun family tradition you’re hoping for, in her eyes at least.

However YABU to think that next weekend is ‘the start of Christmas’ 😜

Did you even read the OP? This is literally the first paragraph:

Dd is 7 and has a friend from school as a neighbour. They often play together, which is nice, but it can be a bit overwhelming with her sometimes calling Dd at 7.30 in the morning to play and spending most weekends at our house

OP is welcoming another child into her home every weekend.

Out of interest, would you allow your son or daughter to ring your neighbour at 7.30am on weekends asking them to play? Would you feel comfortable if they spent every weekend at someone else's house without you checking first if that's OK? The grandmother is absolutely taking the piss!

It’s not young for me, but my mum and mil were roundabout 40 when they became GPs. However, on MN I agree 59/60 is a young grandparent, because on here you don’t have kids until you are almost 40, and your parents must be in at least their 70s 😁

Don’t be so harsh and judgemental OP! Your child is only 7 how do you know she won’t grow up and be a nuisance to someone else??

my child is an only child too (and we welcome other children into our home) it just gives Her the child company she needs and a little independence from us….

What "situation" is she in?
She happens to stay round her grans a lot and like a lot of kids these days is allowed to do what she likes.

The assumption she is somehow uncared for has been made by over zealous posters not by the OP if you read her posts.

Think you are looking for the buggy taking thread.

These are lovely ideas to include the friend while keeping your family time special. On a wider point, it does seem a bit sad that the girl is in the situation she is in.

Yeah, ok. 😂😂😂

Great idea.

This thread is bonkers! 😂😂

But if the other 2 people in the house would rather something different, and it is usually a child centric thing decorating a tree when you have young children (unless you are one those anal people who don't let your child anywhere near it just in case they put a different coloured babble on it), if the young person in the house would enjoy having another young person with them enjoying the fun, is it that bad to be slightly flexible with the 'tradition'. You will have plenty of time once the kids have left home to spend hours perfecting your Christmas tree.

It’s important to set boundaries that suit you in this situation, or you’ll end up resenting this little neighbour every time she turns up. It’s potentially a lovely friendship for your daughter, but only works if both kids know the parents are in charge of how many times she comes round.

We used to have a little girl from next door always wanting to come round in our block of flats, and my every time she knocked my mum would decide if it was a good time or not and let her know. We all knew that was the system and nobody minded, and it meant my mum didn’t feel obliged to let her in every time she knocked.

Ah yes because women are just wives and mothers. Madness to think there are things we might want to do because they're special to us. Silly us.

It's "precious" to want a private family day on the weekend, when one is having a break from work and wants to enjoy seasonal tasks without some stranger's kid around? Hardly.

There's no superiority in being a "more the merrier" type. Setting boundaries is healthy.

Op, it is ok to want time just with your family. You are not a public service. There is a lot of emotional blackmail on this thread.

Exactly. The other child is frequently interloping into the OP's life in myriad (uninvited) ways and the child's family is taking the piss.

The OP is entitled to decide when she wants privacy and what traditions are important to her. Whether her husband or daughter are "bothered" is beside the point; the OP isn't required to subsume all of her desires to accommodate them or neighbour granny's wish for free childcare.

When we were kids we’d have our neighbours over to decorate pretty much every year… they were Jewish and didn’t get to decorate their own tree. Happened with other friends as we got older too.

My mum was very much a “more the merrier” type though and that carried through to adulthood for me, I’ve hosted all sorts of waifs and strays for Christmas dinner over the years and the kids know they’re more than welcome to invite whoever they like to decorate the tree. As they move into later teens if they have friends at loose ends then they will be more than welcome to join us on the day for dinner too.

But I guess that’s not for everyone, I’d get a smaller tree as pp has suggested or even just save some decorations they can do together the day after?

I don’t just think you’re BU, I think you’re BVU. Fair enough it’s a little family tradition to decorate a Christmas tree but it’s literally your DD’s 7 year old friend wanting to join in. All the other posters saying “put your foot down”, “give her a firm no, it’ll teach her a lesson not to walk all over other people’s plans” God you’re all so heartless.

Her staying at her grandma’s house and calling for your DD to come and play before 8am in the morning suggests that there may be some family issues. Where are her parents? Who is supervising her and why is she being allowed out to play by herself at crazy o’clock in the morning? These are not your problems of course but clearly your house and playing with your daughter has become a real source of comfort and safety for her.

Also, your daughter is an only child. Children with siblings have to learn to share special family moments and traditions with their siblings. It might be a nice memory for your daughter to have of not decorating her Christmas tree alone that one year but being able to share in that tradition with her friend.

Hello? It's Christmas, isn't it? Being nice to people and all that? And a "tradition"? How precious is that...6 years maybe. You have the rest of Christmas with just your family.

Seems like it’s only the op who’s bothered by this tradition. Dad doesn’t care, daughter wants friend to join. They may end up resentful if they don’t get a say.

From the sounds of it, OP is accommodating this girl most weekends.

This IS the family thing she wants to do.

It’s really strange. Why would you even be bothered?! It’s screaming control freaks. I’d be more than happy for any of my 6 year old DD’s friends to come over and decorate the tree what a cute core memory for them!! Obviously I’d be rearranging it later lol

OP isn't a social worker. The child has a 50-something grandmother who should be stepping up if for some reason the parents are incompetent.