To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

Jesus! She's a 7 year old child not a spiteful adult! Some of the replies on here are insane. Just shows how selfish we've become as a society. Christmas is about sharing and it's about children. Just saying....

Or the other thing is get them to make decorations, there’s so many crafty activities for Xmas. Her friend could take some home aswell. Do your tree separately 😁

@CheeseIsMyIdol haha it doesn’t have to be huge Xmas trees!! I’d get them a small fake table tree each and they could do an activity afternoon together. It doesn’t have to be huge drama x

It depends what you want to do.

It’s really lovely that you’re so accommodating for dds friend. I think it would be nice to allow her maybe her own family arent doing anything, it is an odd request from a child!

I didn’t vote as I don’t think you are being unreasonable but I do think you are framing in it wrong and it’s about what you want the memories and moments to be. I’m an only child and never felt I missed out on siblings because my mum was so welcoming of other friends whose families weren’t as inclusive as mine. I got to share so many moments and feel such joy that I had the silly fun tgat I now know as a mum of two girls that id never have enjoyed as an only if my mum hadn’t been so gracious.

Even now with two extremely close girls I love feeling like I can provide the extended family feeling my mum did.

I think it's a wonderful idea. You're creating memories for your daughter and traditions for your family. Then when your daughter is older she'll look back on the memories with warmth, fondness and nostalgia and probably carry those traditions onwards when she has a family of her own. She'll know that she had wonderful Christmases in her childhood ❤️
Most people have their traditions and ways of doing things, and as it's a time when families spend a lot of time together it's natural to want to do the traditions and Christmassy stuff together.
I would feel the same as you.
I would also suggest another day the friend came round and I'd get a little Christmas tree and decorations for your daughter's room for her and her friend to decorate together, along with doing a Christmas craft or baking together, or buy a pack of paper chains for them to put together.

Has friend's family ever invited your child to visit, have a meal, attend a fun outing? Anything??

Not you're not unreasonable.

But I do feel for that little girl. Shes at her grandmother's a lot and seems to be looking for company/attention.

Im sure you'll come up with a nice alternative activity for them. I'd just be mindful that in the future, that girl may look back on her childhood memories and think fondly of you.

I think it's absolutely fine to decorate the tree with just your family- from the sound of it the friend may have two other trees to assist with- her grandmother's and her parent's. I wouldn't want other children around when we do ours- we put music on, decorations bring back memories of family holidays when we bought them, painting some during covid etc. And you have other lovely Christmas activities planned involving the friend.

We had an almost identical situation some years ago. I did let her stay and decorate the tree. I felt home was mildly neglectful and low effort. I was so used to doing all those things with her: baking, board games, arts and crafts etc that I didn’t think twice about it. The girls have drifted apart in their teens, so I rarely see her now, but I think she needed the stability we offered her at that time in her life. I don’t think you are unreasonable to make a different choice though.

😆😆😆

What is magical and special for you might be less so for a child. You seem to be creating a Hallmark Christmas scene, but remember in those films there is always a sad lonely child who would prefer to be with other kids.

A child calling in at 7:30 screams poor parenting. Who on earth lets their child knock on someone else's door at 7:30 am.

Absolutely ridiculous and would be telling the child to go home.

I had an only child who always had friends around, including neighbours' children. There were times when I'd have liked it be just us but, in fairness, we did have those times and as long as my child was happy, I didn't mind the other children coming around. I actually liked them, they are all still friends, in their forties! Many came to my late husband's funeral too some years ago, a couple with their parents.

No way would they have been phoning or knocking at 7.30am, we would have still been asleep except on school/work days, all three of us liked a lie in. Later on it was quite normal, and doing the Christmas tree was not a sacred event for us, we just did it, not this early.

It's up to you, it's your home and family. It wouldn't bother me but I'm not you.

Have you missed the part where OP actually DOES accommodate this kid multiple times a week?!

How much of her family life must be disrupted because other people have chosen to be shitty parents??

So tired of these pious, sanctimonious bekind posts. Christmas means different things to different families.

Why should OP not get what SHE wants? Are wives and mothers supposed to suck it up 100 percent of the time and set their own wishes aside? Rubbish.

No you’re allowed to have something just for yourself and not have others join in! Sounds like OP has this child over a lot already!

Wow this is a lot! Id have to message the grandparents and say please can she not knock until a reasonable time! I’d also say no to the decorating… totally get this as we are the same at our house! Get them one for her room or a ginger bread house!

I would sent a text to give them heads up that I'm on x day just incase the child/grandchild wants to come round your busy that day.

No, it is. It can be about whatever she wants. Literally nobody else’s business, the OP isn’t obligated to entertain anyone else’s kid.
Again-sooo so fucking weird.

What made me PMSL is the idea (from the OP) that grandparents are all doddery, and old, and frail. 😂 Oh, and they don't work, and are all retired.

You are not being at all unreasonable.., however I was once that annoying friend. My home life looked fine but I was actually neglected and sad- if you could extend some grace to the neighbour I think she would remember it for a really long time.
its embarrassing really but I remember being included in a lot of my friends family celebrations and they were lovely days for me ( and memories)
Im really glad people opened up their homes to me at the same age as DD friend as it meant I got to experience some normal stuff.
Havinb said that you are absolutely entitled to say no and stick to your family tradition

What a sneery and rude response.

You don't get to decide that. If someone wants it to be just about them and 'their little family,' (as you so sarcastically put it!) they have every right to do so. It's got nothing to do with you.

This is a non-issue.

My son is 7 and plays with a boy his age a few doors down. At the weekends, they trot happily back and forth between our houses. (Luckily, our back gardens are now connected with a gate as we both bought land that joins together!) Most weekend days, if we're home then I'm happy for the friend to be playing in our house, however if for some reason I don't feel up to it etc then I don't think twice to saying, "Sorry Fred, Simba isn't free to play today/right now." close door Simple and effective. Just do that.