To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

Totally fine to want to keep this as a family thing. It sounds like a nice little tradition.

I think some posters have been really harsh. Sounds like your DD does loads with friends, including this particular girl, but you shouldn't feel obliged to involve others at every single occasion. Fine to keep some things back, just for family.

The idea to do invite some friends the next day for Christmas activities is a nice one.

Am curious, have you ever spoken to the grandma about the early mornimg calls? 7.30 is crazy. (I know that you ignore calls and have her round after 10.) Sounds like the girl is just left to her own devices, which is a bit sad.

I’m not mixing with any children this year, unless you count my dc in their twenties. Am
i not allowed to enjoy Christmas then?

Wow people love to bash absolutely everything don't they?! 🙈😂
Your day sounds lovely and I work with kids from 4-16, and they'd protest and grumble and pretend to hate it, but actually 99% of them would love to know that's what they are doing and just make it a non-negotiable and family only event 🤷‍♀️ Kids don't need peer company 24/7.
But, to make peace as your daughter wants to do things with her friend explain to her, this day is just for us but we will get you another tree you and friend can decorate too.

You aren't being unreasonable and it isn't bad to want to safeguard family time.
Your child is with school friends Monday-Friday, if you want to gatekeep part of a weekend for family time, do that too. Just make it clear. Kids do better with a direct boundary and it isn't bad to enforce them. 😊
Enjoy your Christmas activities 🎄

I think we can be quite precious and protective of our family traditions but sometimes they evolve. We used to have the tree decoration bit done as a family then they sometimes stopped joining in and a couple of years ago, DD had her friend help. It was actually lovely. I don’t know the right answer but OP your DH said it was fine - so might be worth talking to him about that a bit.

I’m sick of seeing “christmas is for children”!!
What if someone if childless, through choice or through circumstance? Are they banned from celebrating?
Bonkers.

I just think this whole guilting of the OP into including this girl is getting out of hand.

People seem to have decided off their own bat that the girl is somehow neglected simply because she has no boundaries set by her grandparent. Those two things don't necessarily align.

The OP should feel no obligation to include the girl in something that is precious to her and is about her bond with her own daughter.
As you say, things change as children grow & I think it's fine for the OP to want to keep this traditional special and family orientated for as long as she can.

Let her come with you. Christmas is for children and your daughter will enjoy having her friend with her…it’ll be fun. When I was a kid I did everything with my best friend and we are still close to this day :) I don’t understand why it would matter if her friend is there?

It's for individuals to define the Christmas spirit as we see fit though, isn't it? Rather than dictating to others?

I am an only child - my parent couldn't have more. Yes, no doubt your daughter has a great life with the undivided attention of her parents and so on. So did I. I did feel the lack of siblings though - I used to think I'd be all on my own when my parents died. (My mother was quite ill for a large part of my childhood so not an entirely unreasonable thought and both my parents were a bit older than average.) I have a close friend from childhood - we have been friends about 50 years. She is the closest thing to a sister to me. Of course I married and had two children of my own but we are still close friends. I think it can be important to foster friends for only children - my mother was a bit of a second mother to my friend as well as her family had some issues.

I get the impression that OP’s daughter is being dragooned into this by this girl. Yes it is ok to set boundaries and say no. I’m sure grandma can step up also and not allow the girl to access her phone at 7.30am also.

@cloudtreecarpet with respect you've got your knickers in more of a twist than I did!!
I also thought I'd quoted a comment ( but it looks like I messed up and didn't) which basically implied that the friend was taking over and that refusing to allow the friend over to help was 'showing the friend she can't ride roughshod' over other people which seemed an overtly nasty and absurd way to talk about a little girl who's likely just lonely!
And OP's daughter WANTS this little girl to come and help...
I dunno, maybe I'm getting old but when I was little Christmas was about sharing. Kids grow up and traditions evolve around that.

Maybe your child should get to feel what it’s like to have a sibling. They’ll enjoy doing it together. Maybe the other kid doesn’t have nice xmas traditions.

Are these posts real?? Or are people just taking the piss for the sake of it now??

I feel like some people are writing an updated version of The Little Matchgirl here! The other girl isn't going to be left outside in the snow starving you know!

It would be interesting to know just how many of the worthy, sanctimonious posters on here are flinging open their doors to local children this Xmas?

Get a grip! The OP doesn't want to have this other child there and she doesn't have to! Her only child has plenty of friends & sees them plus this girl all the time..
Spending time just with her family is also fine.

This is literally the most batshit thread!

It’s lovely she has such a close friend but you absolutely need to set boundaries. Just say it’s a family activity and be firm

Totally agree- what is wrong with people that they can’t say “no” to others fgs.

No need for some random 7yr old to be running the show!! Christ!

No to the tree decorating - totally fine to do this as a family! No to the 730 calls/ knocks on the door and no to the phone calls. No to buying a separate tree for that girls to decorate. No to bending over backwards to suit others when it doesn’t suit you!!

No, the question actually is, what does the OP want?

OP's seven-year-old is well taken care of, has a lot to which she can look forward over the holiday season, and doesn't get to dictate to her parents who is invited to private family events and when.

The OP is not 'being precious' to have preferences about how to run her household and what she personally finds fun and fulfilling as a Christmas ritual.

That shitty parents and grandmother are foisting their daughter off, uninvited, on OP's family to an egregious degree, does not mean the OP has to pick up their slack. Enough with the nonsense about a 7-year-old child's whims determining how the family celebrates or how the OP is 'permitted' to relax on her days off from work.

I'm not a mum so have never ventured to post, but I have been a 7 year old only child in circumstances that meant I had few friends (I'm thinking of the friend here, not your dd). I haven't read all the posts but I gather your dd's friend mostly lives with her grandmother who, while not old, must seem ancient to a 7 year old.
Is it that this child is lonely and would love to be in a family like yours, hence the 7.30 calls? That wouldn't mean you had any obligation to her, of course, but would make it likely that when your dd described your picture-perfect Christmas tree day, her friend would have longed to take part.
I think the question is what does your dd want? Is she regretting mentioning it to her friend or would she like her to be there for some of it? If the latter and if your dh doesn't have a problem with that, then it's just you - in which case, in answer to your question, you are being precious.

And op is more than happy to accommodate said child on other days. Just not this day, and not when child invites herself along.

That's fine as that is what YOUR mother wanted to do. The OP is not UNgracious for wanting to have a weekend free of outsiders, with the day unfolding as SHE sees fit.

Christmas is about whatever we want it to be. OP isn't required to sacrifice herself to #bekind.

If it would enhance it for your dd to have a friend there and make it even more fun I’d be encouraging it and fostering her friendships.

I hate when kids wont be told absolutely its a family thing tell her no