To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

No you’re not being mean or unreasonable. It’s perfectly fine to want to do this together just as a family thing. I’d feel exactly the same. Like others have said, they can do a Xmas activity together.

I'd probably buy a small tabletop tree and mini decs and invite friend over the next day and let the girls do that together.

That way you get your own Xmas, dd gets a special playdate with her friend AND you buy yourself hours peace and quiet 😉 possibly two if you get a reciprocal playdate 😆

Hmmm I can see your point but you have to acknowledge that your dd is getting older, has independent thoughts and just wants her wee pal to join in. Goin forward she’s going to want to do more stuff with her friends rather than just mum and dad. It’s a hard lesson that although dc are the centre of YOUR world, you’re not the centre of theirs.

Give it a go, you might find you get pleasure out of seeing them interact. Family traditions are great but they need to evolve, not set in aspic.

Absolutely not. If nothing else it shows this girl that she can’t ride roughshod over other people’s plans. She’s been told ‘no’ and doesn’t need anymore discussion. It’s really not a problem to say you’re spending the day as a family and they can play next day.

I don’t think you’re being mean, I understand the family vibe. However is your DD’s friend okay? Will she get to decorate her own tree at home?

I would purchase some Christmas crafts or baking activities for the friend to come and do with your DD so they can still enjoy festive activities but decorate the tree with just your family.

I'm sure there are craft kits where they decorate a bauble- they could both make their own and hang them on the tree but then the friend can take hers home when she leaves to put on her own tree?

That's totally fine, the 7 year old friend has misunderstood and isn't meaning to be cheeky by saying her mum said she could. I really wouldn't stress this - it's a planned special family time, she can see her friend the next day, discussion over. No need to worry.

No, stick to your guns. Don’t let the friend dictate what’s going on. If she mentions a it, just repeat that it’s not convenient for her to come round on that day. You’re not obliged to facilitate her demands (and good lesson to dd also that friend doesn’t decide what goes on).

if she’s adamant, maybe get a small cheap artificial tree dd can have in her bedroom and some new decorations they can decorate the next day.

I think as a one off, it might be nice for dds friend to join in on lovely Christmas things. With the early calls, it gives the impression her family aren’t that involved and that’s a bit sad.

you’re not unreasonable to want to do family things, so it’s entirely up to you.