To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

What does DD want? As an only child, i didn't love the 'our own little family' stuff if I'm honest, and preferred occasions to include other DC, my cousins or friends. You don't have responsibility to the other child, but if you want to make it the best it can be for DD, then I'd definitely take her wishes into account on this.

Well if your daughter wants her friend there I'd be inclined to let her. You can't force things into being Special Family Time: the minute one of that family would like something else, or to introduce someone else, you risk enforcing a Lovely Tradition that isn't so lovely for everyone.

@CatPawprints - you've put that much better than I would have done! I was thinking I must be turning into the Grinch for finding the responses about including the friend or getting something for them to do together weird. Kids need to realise they can't just invite their friends along to things without checking first. If the friend is disappointed, that's a lesson for the OP's daughter.

You're the adult and the answer is simply no. This is a family day. You SHOULD be protecting these traditions as all too soon DD won't be interested and also, all too soon this friend may no longer be such an important friend to her, as these things go with little ones.

Your daughter needs to learn she can't invite a friend without checking with you first. And the friend doesn't call the shots. Her mother likely assumed it was okay with you, but the friend needs to be told a firm no by you, the adult.

Like others said, she can come over and decorate cookies or make ornaments another day.

This is the perfect scenario to set boundaries and explain to your dd that she does as her parents say, not as she wants. Start bending over to her will at this age, you will spoil the child and make a rod for your own back. Don't do it.

Also, as I unfortunately found out, it is not good to be that close to one particular friend in childhood - your dd needs to have many friends, this bond with spending all weekend with you, literally joined at the hip, with 7.50 am starts? Not a good scenario. I was friends with a girl like that, exactly like that and when she dropped me, I can't tell you how awful it was.

As far as we know Jesus didn't have any children to be a parent to, but he gave his disciples rules and commandments and often rebuked them - doesn't sound like a walkover

Lovely that your DD has a friend so near and they enjoy playing together.

Also lovely to have some occasions marked out for just family.

Sounds like the OP is also very kind and generous in looking after the friend. She doesn't need to feel guilty about keeping some activities as a family thing. She also doesn't need to make up for it to the friend by getting another tree or planning more activities for the kids to do together. That's a really weird reaction to me.

The kids will be happy playing together at the next opportunity.

Are some of the posters on here people who have to have the perfectly decorated tree (move decorations round after children have gone to bed)? When you have young children isn’t it more about the fun for them?

I was allowed to have a friend come on holiday with me. I loved it. Obviously if they can’t afford to, or don’t want to, they can just say no.

The OP can do whatever she wants in her house, just seems a shame to have these forced traditions if her daughter would like to mix things up once in a while.

If DD had been the one asking you if she could have a friend round to decorate the tree, not necessarily that friend, would you say no? What happens as she gets older, will you be flexible with traditions?

Yes, you are being “precious”.
Not everything has to look perfect ‘for the gram’.
They’re 7. Christmas should be fun.
She will likely remember the time you let her and her friend decorate the tree, unlike decorating the tree with her family year after year.

Lighten up.

OP puts in the effort for Christmas, she should be allowed to decide what is family time.

What happens when OP’s dd wants the friend to come on holiday with them?

You are the parent, if you don't want her there then (or so much) then say 'no'. Setting healthy boundaries is all part of parenting.

Ps I speak from experience here. We had a similar but slightly more low key tradition around setting up an advent calendar (one you can get out every year) & I can still remember the year one of my daughters had a friend over & insisted she be allowed to join in...

She just doesn’t seem to be that well supervised as calling to play at 7.30 in the morning is crazy to me,

It’s crazy to me how much you allow.

I think it would be nice to do what your daughter wants. She obviously enjoys her friendship and sounds like a lovely thing for them both to do.

I think it's a bit sad really. I'm an only too. Sounds as if your DD wants to have this fun time with her friend there.

I’d be saying sorry and sending her away when she knocks.
She can do things like that with her own family.

Ah let the kid come with you.
It doesn’t look like they will be having as great a childhood as your DC (a bit of a leap but it’s my two-penny-worth anyway) Share the magic!

eta - following from a PP, it’s an ideal time to (a) tell your DC that they need to ask their parents first & not invite without permission and (b) go back to the DGP of neighbouring child and put some firm boundaries on them, eg not before X o’clock etc etc.
You are generous and kind but nobody’s fool!

OP, your boundaries are very poor, through kindness.
What are you modelling to your daughter if she sees her own mother cannot say no to a 7year old.
She is around yours too much.
Not normal at all.
Her grandmother is using you and you are actually behaving like childcare for this child.

What if your daughter grows tired of her?
The habit of her half living at your house is long established.

Start saying No.
Absolutely no to the tree trip and start scaling back on her being in your house all day.
Let them play together, but not all day.

Also your daughter shouldn't have said yes, she is not an adult and doesn't get to decide.
This is a direct result of poor parenting and boundaries.
Nip that firmly in the bud too.

Nah, it really is just a matter of two little girls wanting to share their fun, and Mother deciding "that's not on" for no good reason.

Jesus sacrificed himself on a cross to save mankind from their sins. Im just not sure how appropriate it is to consider what he'd do in this situation.

Tell dd and friend no. It’s family time

but a Christmas activity next day be nice

boundaries

tell nan to mmm no calls or vists before 10

"Let the little children come to me"