To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

It’s fine, you’ve said no, your daughter told the other child no, but the other child doesn’t like “no”. Don’t leave it to your daughter. Just text the gran, and tell her you’ll have her round another time. No big deal.

I’m struggling to vote. On the one had she’s a 7yo child and both girls are excited to do this together. Your an adult.

on the other hand I’m very previous about my tree and don’t even let my own DDs help me, which is why they have their own small trees they can do what they want with and we also have a selection of smaller trees that I take turns each year that goes in the dining room. Themes change but the DDs get to do which ever one we decide on if they want.

Haven't read the full thread sorry but this would be a hard no from me, your daughter's only 7!

7 year olds don’t get to dictate. Just say no.

yes that's correct. If the OP, this one time, lets her daughter include a friend in a nice day, it will henceforth be the law that this friend must be invited to all Christmases, birthdays, holidays and funerals. That's how it works.

Yes, that's the logical conclusion.

Has your daughter invited her because she doesn't think the proposed activities sound fun alone? It all sounds very prescibed and intense to me and I certainly wouldn't have enjoyed it as the only child when I was 7. I think you may to be more flexible going forward.

“her friend said to me she’d asked her mum and can do the tree decorating part”

And you’re going to let a seven year old set the agenda? I might be going round to see the DGM and telling her you love your DD having her as a friend, but 7.30 am to call round is just too early, and that the tree decorating is something you do as a family - DFriend can join for other Christmas activities, but not the tree. As for friend phoning you, turn your phone off until you are ready to get up, and don’t answer the door. Tell your DD no callers before (insert time that suits you). You can’t be dictated to be a seven year old - heaven help you when they’re teenagers!!

I don't think other opinions about how to spend family time aren't really relevant. OP doesn't want her there, so IMO she should parent and say no. Including this girl in other festive activities is very kind of her as is childminding her for two days a week. Personally I would not be happy with having someone else's child foisted on me every weekend - especially from 10am.

When I was little decorating the Christmas tree was something I did with my Dad and then later I did with my DC. I treasure those memories.

Maybe they're different posters?

The point is where does it stop? Does the dd get to decide her friend gets to do everything with the family?

MN is fabulous.

This forum is full of posters who hate people, refuse to have friends, faint at the idea of hosting someone overnight and demand to see the menu before accepting a diner invitation, posters who would never even open the door and are infuriated at the idea of playdates and parents coming along or staying at kids parties, and hate having children around,

but an OP who just want to do something with her kid once a year is called "precious" and overbearing

Honestly it's insane😂😂

Does your daughter want her to come. Because it’s fine you not wanting her there, but you will likely have a disappointed daughter, which kind of ruins it really. I think I’d let her come, you can have a brilliant time all together.

If nothing else it shows this girl that she can’t ride roughshod over other people’s plans.

Shes seven 🙄

I’m with you. I had a DM was happy for me to go to DFs or relatives, anywhere really as long as I wasn’t home.

At 7 she will be aware that your DD’s life is different to her own.

I think I would talk to your DD and see what she actually wants to do.

If this one day is the one that’s most special to you, you could tell her that and ask her if there is another trip you have planned that she could come along to, like the local Pantomine?

It’s a long time since I was 7 but I’m still grateful for those who realised what was going on and showed me kindness.

Also you're putting your tree up pretty early: won't there be tonnes of time left for you to sit under it in your pyjamas watching films or whatever before it's actually Christmas time?

I wouldn’t be letting a 7 year old dictate things.

you don’t want her there early so you say no and send her home. Once she is round, you don’t want her in your house all day. Well you send her home / back to grandmas.
you seem to be letting her and your daughter determine things far too much.

dont be buying extra bloody trees. Just say no, you can play with each other on Sunday instead.

I can see your point , but she’s only 7.
I don’t think the other girl is dictating anything, or ‘riding roughshod over your plans ‘ she’s just got a bit mixed up, she won’t be plotting to ruin your day. If you decide she’s not going with you, please be kind how you say it.

Not a big deal - spread the love ....

My now adult DD had a birthday on 5th December and part of her party was everyone joining in with decorating the tree.

To be honest I do think we have all got a bit precious about family only rituals ....

I would be sending her home and telling the Grandmother the acceptable time to call, that’s not round for playing that’s childcare.

Yep. I still remember the Christmas Day afternoon in about 1995 when my friend from the estate behind us knocked on and my grandma let him in. He proceeded to eat 3 helpings of Christmas pudding and insisted we all play the board game he brought with him. I wish my parents had politely but firmly sent him home!

Just say no. The kid is a pest.

not wanting to have friends ALL THE TIME is a perfectly good reason.

It's as important for the kids to have a busy social life, loads of friends, groups, sleepovers, parties, gathering than it is to show them boundaries and that sometimes, once or twice a year, you have private family time.

Some day the kids will look back and remember the time they had with parents, grand-parents and it was special.

It's even more special when it's rare.

Insisting on a weekly "family Friday night Gilmore style" and "Family Sunday time" is boring and over the top. A once in a year occasion is fine

Just think about the money changers in the Temple!

Your DD might not really want her there.
My DD had an overbearing friend like this and in the end it turned out my daughger didn’t actually want this child at all these sleepovers and family events but the friend was bombarding them until we gave in. In the end she would get me to lie or make up excuses.