To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

Sorry, I didn't realise you wouldn't be able to understand.

Just concentrate on this bit:
WhatdoesitmeanKeith suggests Surely it’s just a 10 minute activity?"

To which you replied:

"We do a hot chocolate station thing with chocolate bombs etc"

I said:

How long does it take to pick up a hot chocolate from a "station" and lob a chocolate sphere into it?

The rest was just a silly joke which I thought most people would get but it doesn't matter if you didn't.

Jesus helped people in need.

I'm not sure that he was fond of pisstakers.

I don't think I am missing any point: the point I'm making is that letting the daughter have a friend along this time does not represent some unstoppable process of "always" letting her have whatever she wants.

In answer to your question: sometimes I did, and sometimes I didn't, it depended on the situation and the nature of the request. I assume this is not so unusual as a policy?

You’re not being precious at all but whilst an appreciate that kids will have their own concept on these events, the other child’s mother should have understood the family thing and said no to her DD

“Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me“
Whoever wrote that probably didn’t have in mind daily babysitting of someone else’s child to the extent they’re spending more time in your house than their own.
Martyrdom isn’t compulsory.

Well look, without all the stuff about jesus and hot chocolate and precious memories, the only important factor is whether the daughter wants her friend there or whether she'd secretly be quite pleased if her mum said no.

That's the only context I'd be interested in knowing and which might help me, as that mum, understand whether I'm enforcing a load of pyjama curling up stuff to be saved in Memories, or whether my daughter might have a really nice day if her friend is allowed to come along.

First world problems 🤷‍♀️

You’re missing the point, the poster said OP should do what her daughter wants. Do you always do what your daughter wants?

What bullshit. She’s not a Scrooge to want one day free of this pushy child.

OP isn’t running a social services agency.

It is not selfish at all. Ironically, it is protection against being taken advantage of by selfish people.

I think you should stick to your guns on this - family traditions like this become important as they get older.

Tell the little girl no, Saturday your dd isn’t available as it’s a family day but they can come see the tree on Sunday. (Or they can play on Saturday but not Sunday).

I also think you should say to grandma that 7:30 is too early, can she stop her granddaughter coming over before 10am please.

We don’t all consider Christmas family traditions as solely for children.

OP’s daughter needs to learn that it’s ok for families to have boundaries and for parents’ rituals and traditions to be respected.

More #bekind bollocks at the OP’s expense.

She is not responsible for the neighbour child’s Christmas season experiences.

I would contact the grandma and explain 7:30 is to early to he ringing and knocking on doors. Tell her the child is more than welcome (if she is) to knock on after 10am

Well, to be fair, WhatdoesitmeanKeith suggests Surely it’s just a 10 minute activity?
How long does it take to pick up a hot chocolate from a "station" and lob a chocolate sphere into it?
Unless the station is Platform 9 3/4 and you live in the Orkneys or something.

I'm not saying it doesn't sound nice; it just sounds like you're making a big deal out of something you find important but perhaps your DD doesn't mind changing a little bit.

Just say no sorry this is a family day. I’m sure your family will do your Christmas tree with you and you can help with that. No is a full sentence.

Don't answer either if you don't want to.

I haven't R all TFT but I have read all the OP's posts.
Who are you doing this for, OP?
I used to make traditions for my DDs so, if they wanted something a bit different, I was flexible. One year of her friend coming round to join in isn't a huge deal imo.
If it's because it's important to you that's it's just the three of you, tell DD that.

It just signals the start of Christmas and we’ve done it since Dd was very small

DD is 7. So not that many years.

I think you need to relax a bit OP, but then I consider Christmas more for children than adults anyway. If this is what your daughter wants to do, what’s the harm?

The hot chocolate as a tradition on MN baffles me too. Surely it’s just a 10 minute activity? Not something to build a whole evening around.

Exactly my thoughts but I’m getting some flack 🤣 it’s weird & it’s inappropriate

Or cast out (or at least dissuade) the Gadarene child! OP’s house is, for one day, her Christmas temple 🎄🙏🏻
(mixed parables and lessons etc there, sorry! )

I think you're perfectly justified in sticking with this family tradition, just as you like it. It sounds delightful, and something my own dear old dad adored every year. (The fairy on the top of the tree made with a loo roll inner ‘torso’ was his pièce de résistance 🤣) Very much a close, family vibe.

For your family, it’s the joy your little girl interacting with her parents, of mutual enjoyment, and that will be shattered if her attention is on her little friend, in their own giggly bubble.
It’s important to you, and you don’t have to yield to every whim that’s voiced.

There’s no reason at all for a couple of 7-year olds to hold sway here, and gawd knows enough of the focus during the coming 6 or 7 weeks will be on them, and on kids in general.
You'll be lucky to have your own preferences recognised at all, so stand firm on this one!

"Making memories" rarely works, People just have memories, and you don't get to control what they are or what emotions they're inflected with.