To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

Of course you should have it as a family thing, and I don't think you should feel you have to 'compensate' by organising a separate Christmassy thing the next day. You don't have to go out and buy a 'smaller tree'. You're not responsible for the other child. It's one thing to be welcoming to her, it's quite another to feel some kind of constant obligation to her.

Have a lovely time doing your family tradition.

I wouldn't allow this because it would likely become an annual expectation. Tell her mother and state it's your family plan and her DD is welcome another day but you and her (the mum) need to discuss timings in advance.

It is relevant if DD wants her friend to help or doesn’t

Why are you? Why is anyone? Although more urgently, why do you think it's ok to call a child you don't know a brat? That's pretty distasteful.

That’s irrelevant. She doesn’t run the household.

OP I am totally with you, I would not want anyone else being involved in our family Christmas tradition of decorating the tree.

Many many other activities we do with DD's friends over the festive period, but this one is just for us.

Stick to your guns 🎅

What does your DD want to happen?

But DD and Dh don't seem to mind as much as you do. I bet the dogs couldn't give a stuff either.

This sounds lovely OP. Stick to your guns about your family day but then do this as I sense the friend is at a bit of a loose end/perhaps doesn’t have the same kind of family set up as you.

You call other people's children brats? Nice.

For fuck’s sake, the OP’s daughter sees other kids at school and has plenty (more than plenty) of playtime and “giggle time” (ugh) with this specific child. And TWO loving parents who are establishing family traditions.

Dredging up the spectre of the lonely waif is beyond ridiculous.

What type of relationship do you have with the child's grandmother? Grandmother although young, may be from a generation where kids 'playing out' is normative and so thinks her grand-daughter taking her phone to ring your house is an adaptation of this. As the adult she should be intervening so you both can negotiate what is reasonable. You could check with the grandmother if she is aware that her grand-daughter is using her phone to ring your phone as early as 7:30 and from your perspective that is too early and puts you in a difficult position managing a little girl's feelings. You can then explain it would be more helpful if grandmother texted you first to find out if it was convenient to arrange a play meet with your daughter as you think its too much for 7 year olds to negotiate and its putting the children into situations they shouldn't have to manage. Such as this little girl not knowing the etiquette of inviting herself to a family ritual, and your daughter thinking any request should be accepted because she's too young to know how to consider wider dynamics.

What I would say OP is ignore the people who think that anything you enjoy is not worth it and focus on this. Traditions in a family are important. I have very clear memories of my family tree decorating tradition, I wouldn’t have that if it had been scrapped in order to provide someone else with childcare when I was in year 2.

do your tradition, you have given enough free care for this grandmother. One day for a family is important.

And do tell the grandmother that 7:30am is too early for her DGD to come round to play.

We live next door to one of these. She had absolutely no intention of ever inviting my daughter to do anything that was just family or with her other best friend.
But gigged in on absolutely everything that involved my daughter and more to the point trying to push her little sister out like she was the replacement child. My youngest would be sat there like a spare part.

It is a lovely story, but I don't think Op's DD will be saying that she's glad it's just them. She wants her friend there this year.

She has her around constantly.

It is good for OP’s daughter to see her mother setting boundaries & valuing privacy.

Omg she is 7, not 17! No this stays as a family event, dd needs to learn boundaries - there are personal boundaries and family boundaries, and this is one. Do other crafts etc with a group of her friends then after. If she turns up, ask her to go back for now and you'll see her another time.

why are you so invested?

The OP is planning on inviting her another day to do Christmas activities, on which planet is that not enough? It's already too much.

You don't have to have the local brat at home for EVERYTHING

Are posters on here planning on flogging their own kids to the neighbours? Is that the issue here 😂

Not if you can't understand it, no.

It’s ok to say no 😊

this is NOT the same thing but I’m going to tell you anyway. We were foster carers a long time ago and we had this little girl about 7 come into emergency care as her normal foster carer (who had 6 kids) had to have surgery.

it was the first weekend in December so we said yes, we’d have her for a couple of weeks. Apparently she was the most difficult (was she fuck, she was perfect).

Anyway, when she was dropped off she had a couple of days with us where she was really quiet (totally normal) and then I said we were going to put up the Christmas tree tomorrow and asked if she’d like to help. I’d put muppets Christmas carol on and it would be nice.

She asked if the other children could come (not allowed, they were dispersed over the area) and I said it would just be us.

anyway, we’re putting the tree together and I have hundreds of baubles - lots of glass and vintage ones from the last 70 years (as some my grandmothers). She is touching every one, holding it up to the fairy light and then ever so gently putting it on the tree. She doesn’t get faster and faster, she goes slower and slower until eventually 3 hours later the whole tree is perfectly decorated. I just went at her pace.

we have hot chocolate, listen to Christmas music, and ice cookies with ⛄️ and Santa 🎅🏻

I’m putting her to bed at night and she grabs me round the neck and hugs me as tight as it’s possible to hug a person and says ‘I’ve never had anyone where it was just me, there’s always been others. I wish today didn’t end’.

(yeah I left the room and cried, DH cried too when I told him)

Which is fine and valid.
And she should explain to her DD that this tradition is important for her and not pretend it's for her DD and, hopefully, DD will see it like that one day too.
Mothers don't have to pretend they're doing everything to please their children.

Jesus didn't have children. Everybody is a perfect parent until they have kids. Bet the gospels would have a different tone if he had to deal with his own kids.

God forbid a seven year old might enjoy having another child along!

I think don’t over think it. Just message the Mom and say “ooh not this wekekend but she can come over for a few hours on X Sat and have a Christmassy few hours”. I deffo wouldn’t be in the habit of having a child every weekend calling at 7.30.