To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

Totally agree

YABU to say 59-60 is a young grandma! Of course it's not. 😆

But YANBU to want your Christmas family tradition for you and your family only. This girl has been told no, and she has ignored it. Hard to stick to it when she's manipulating your daughter though.

Be careful, this friend of your DD's who is clearly assertive and bossy, coud well turn into a nasty bully if things don't continue to go her way, and she and your DD fall out. And it's very likely that the mother will join in! I've seen it happen

Op please talk to the granny and ask her will this child get to decorate a tree ! I bet she has loads to decorate.

I’ve asked my only child how she would feel about a neighbour getting involved in our Christmas tree traditions. They said no way and they can do their own with their family.

100% this! 7.30am calls is really fucking outrageous. Nobody in their right minds would think this is ok! Just tell the girl sorry, she can't come that day. End of!

Didn’t mention be kind bollocks. And did say OP was not unreasonable.

Don’t put words into my mouth.

Stick to your family plans otherwise you’re allowing a child to dictate to you what your family time entails. I’d also be speaking to the mother and saying to tell her she is not to come to play before 10 and better still to speak to you first rather than just turn up and pull on the heartstrings.

My son is also an only child, and decorating the tree is also a lovely Christmas tradition for us, so I totally get where you're coming from. Keep it for just you, and stand firm about the friend 🎄

@BatshitOutofHell- only children need more time with their parents not less. They don’t have siblings to have that family time with.

Yeah, the more I read the OP’s post the more unreasonable I think she is.

OP if you force DD into family time now, when she has no choice but to go along with what you want, she will be less likely to choose to participate in family time in the future.

Also anyone calling the neighbour child a brat, pushy or whatever else needs to have a word with themselves.

Op, hold firm.
Family time is lovely. Family Christmas traditions make lovely memories, for our children as well as for ourselves.

It is a totally different dynamic when children have their friends involved.

Friend can come over on the following day.
Lots of lovely ideas on how to make that visit special and Christmassy.

Yes, this. And Christmas trees would not have been a thing in Jesus' household.

Nope. You've made that up about shaming you. My comment isn't really about being an only child. It is about childhood friendships. But only you and DD know how close she is to this girl. If they are really close then I think it's worth considering having her present.

Edited to add:

I remember how close I was to my best friend at aged 7 and wanted to do everything with her. I was one of 4 children. But i don't know if this girl is your DDs best friend or not.

But the friend is always there and OP has had enough. You can’t always be led by children. This is not an unusual concept!

This nails it

her friend said to me she’d asked her mum and can do the tree decorating part

What did you reply to her? I would have said something along the lines of...

'No, Molly, as I said before this is something we do as a family. You can come and play with Edith on a different day when we're not busy.'

I agree with this. Christmas is really about the kids. Its nice for her to have a friend there, especially as she does not have fellow children (siblings) to share Christmas events with. Let her have her friend there.

😉

@Decemberisthemostexpensivemonth, I have a question: if this kid came round to your house far less than she does, and didn't phone you early, would you be happier with allowing her to join in with your Christmas festivities, or would you still want her to take a back seat with this?

Is she quite bossy and maybe pushed your DD into asking if friend could join in? That sort of behaviour is quite irritating and likely to promote resentment in the parents who unwillingly are doing the childcare (less of it at seven, but still. It's being responsible for another child while she's in your house).

I do think that if you want to keep these particular customs for yourselves, I wouldn't blame you. I do feel sorry for the child though, it must be awful not being wanted by either her mum or her gran. She'll see a stark difference between your household and hers, as your DD isn't passed around like a hot potato.

As a compromise the decorating of a little tree in DD's room and Christmas crafts/baking sounds really good.

There's only one brat on this thread and if you take a look in the mirror you'll catch a glimpse of her.

Keep it family, tell the child she can come another time. Its the Grandmother's responsibility to look after the child and amuse her.

Your daughter can have have her friend over another time. I also think you should talk to Gran about the calling at 7am and tell her the earliest she can come round is 10.00. If you give in on this you will have her round for everything. Boundaries are needed here, this kid is not your responsibility. I would be pleasant though as its nice fir your kid to have someone to play with.

No, just the ones who are brats, or acting like brats.😂

The grandmother is taking the Mickey and using you as free childcare. Decorating the Xmas tree is a special family only event and the girl is a cheeky mare to be so insistent.