To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

Ah, forced fun. Great Christmas tradition.

As a child who was often encouraged to leave the house at 8 in a morning to play, often annoying neighbours, please reconsider and include this child. I used to envy my friends who had family time and who were taken to see grandparents. I didn't have this. I have very fond memories of naking cakes and playing shop with my friends grandma.

@CheeseIsMyIdol when it comes to decorating a Christmas tree I can see why a child might want a close friend to join in the fun.

I can see OP in a few years time dragging a reluctant teen down from her room telling her she will have fun decorating the tree because you have to do the tradition I set up years ago and I will never be flexible

It is not lacking in open-heartedness to not want a fucking strange kid at one's tree-trimming event. Stop with the aspersions, people.

Women aren't required to open their homes to every rag, tag and bobtail who invites herself, or to change family traditions, to be considered "open hearted and more loving." These pernicious attitudes that women must be doormats to all, or be insulted for not being caring enough, really need to change.

I absolutely get it OP. I'm an only child and dad was a vicar so busy/tired at Christmas, not to mention the years he was a hospital chaplain and I spent Christmas afternoons performing music in psychogeriatric wards after a lunch in the staff canteen!

I love having our own traditions and youngest dd is still excited despite being nearly 22 - we go to get the tree, see the reindeer and have a hot chocolate then roll our eyes while dh does the annual buggering about to fit it in the stand. Christmas music on then mince pies and mulled wine at the end. Admittedly, dh now sits in the corner like a grumpy elf and dd's bf helps so things move on but at the pace we've chosen. It's out tradition to change when we choose.

i don't mean just about Christmas traditions, I mean about the pushy kid barging in every weekend, early and on weekdays too. The OP just wants one unbothered day at a special season of the year.

I don't have children, but one of the things people tell me constantly is how much being a parent opens their hearts and makes them a more loving person. As though people who don't have kids operate at an inferior level of emotions. But my observation gives me to believe that this open heartedness is confined to their own child and that's it. I am not criticising this at all. It's just an observation.

How on earth can you tell if people would be "sick of the tree" or not just because you may well be!

No, it's not. Children don't dictate the plans, and the child isn't experienced enough to understand the context and intent of her parents' preferences. That she blurted out "Evvie, you can come over too!" is irrelevant.

Her preferences take precedence every year. Not that it bothers me at all. Only posting for accuracy.

I think many people here are seeing themselves in the parents who let their feral kids importune others without inviation, or who take advantage of free childcare from the neighbours without ever reciprocating. Hence calling OP "Scrooge" which is so unfair.

Your child isn't op's child. And doesn't speak for all children.

The OP's preferences can take precedence for a change.

This!! Where does it end? Christmas Day? Family wedding? “She just wants to be included” well…tough!!
The funny thing is I bet grandma/mum wouldn’t invite OPs daughter to share their christmas tree day!

A seven-year-old doesn't get to determine what's important. They don't have the breadth and depth of knowledge to make such decisions for the entire family.

She and her wants are accommodated most other weekends, from the sound of it. It's important for children to learn to consider others' needs, preferances and boundaries. And to respect parental authority.

The virtue signaling here is off the charts. Pro-interloper people are all "sharing is the essence" "help a poor vulnerable child" "we're more laid-back" "it doesn't hurt to be kind" and, ffs, "WWJD?". Who cares what Jesus would do?

The OP is depicted as Scrooge, selfish, rigid about traditions, insensitive to her poor only child, etc. because she doesn't want a fucking stranger around on her OWN special family day. The family day she looks forward to, presumably her husband looks forward to, that they enjoy as a threesome and that they plan to repeat every year.

She's accommodating the pesty child dozens of other days of the year and most weekends. Wanting one freaking Saturday to be limited to just her family hardly makes her a villain.

The villains are the lowlife who are letting this child make a nuisance of herself in others' households.

I must be too laid back because I'd have happily adapted Christmas traditions to accommodate dc, if they wanted to do things a bit differently.
That kind of has to happen anyway, as they get older.
Family time and traditions should never feel forced and there is a danger of that happening if things are too rigid.
I have always worked shifts though, which have included Christmas Day alternate years. So flexibility has always been part of the Christmas period. Some years, we didn't even have our 'proper' christmas dinner on Christmas Day.
I wouldn't have given this a second thought tbh and would have happily included dc's friend. We are all different though. It's your call.

Yanbu at all. DD has neighbour friends who knock to play but they certainly won't be helping with our tree. i love the Christmas decorating afternoon

If she rings that day just say your busy and your dd will call her tomorrow.

Well just tell her to pop back about 10.

OK! Totally understood about the decorations. I take that comment back!

But I don’t understand why you would deny your seven your old wanting to share this lovely time with a friend? She’s seven fhs! Why would her presence intrude on your family so much and totally change the experience from a good one in to a not so good one? I don’t get it!

It won’t be every year necessarily! Childhood friendships like this are pretty fickle! Very few last a long time. One of my DD’s had a friend around a lot who was with their grandparent during the week and there were times when I could have done without the extra hassle tbh, but we fulfilled a need for a while and then both dc moved on, but it was good for this child while it lasted. And good for my dd help a child who was a bit lonely at that specific time I guess.

Each to their own and you don’t have to subscribe to this view of course, but you did ask for opinions, and imho, cheesy though it sounds, sharing stuff like this is the very essence of what Christmas is all about.

Btw, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t set reasonable boundaries about when she can telephone on a Saturday morning either!

OP YANBU. Some of the replies on this thread are ridiculous. You’re not precious or obsessed with Instagram because you prefer not to have a random kid involved. Some activities are more fun, relaxing and enjoyable with family only. This is one of them. I’d say no, end of.

this thread is insane 😂

It's ONE day, how are people making such a huge massive ridiculous deal about not wanting to invite another child on a specific day?

I don't know any parent who will always say "Yes" every single time their child says they want one of their friend to come over - theres' no way on earth all the posters pretending they would are genuine.

It's not really a friendship if "only" being invited the following day to do Christmas craft is enough to break it and the other child never speaks to the OP's child again 😂

For the most part I don't think you're U, we have a similar tradition on the first weekend in Dec and it would change the dynamic if someone else joined. I do like the suggestion of maybe doing something the next day with the neighbour.

I take it your DD is an only so it might be nice for her to have a chrismassy day with another child.