To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

1 many of the ornaments are glass that I have been collecting long before I had children

2 my house never looks how I like as it’s overrun by children their things, their mess… my tree is the one thing I get all year that looks exactly how I want it to look

I can’t believe this thread is still raging on. The OP welcomes this child into her home most weekends and during the week and is going to get a second tree and do baking with her but this still isn’t enough?? Most people wouldn’t even be this generous to a child in their own family, let alone a child who has only come into their family because she happens to live opposite.

“It takes us a day to decorate the house. I really can’t see the harm in letting a kid join in.”

But it changes the dynamic of the day.

They don't warrant a bitchy comment about how buying those means everything done that day is to look nice "for Instagram".

If you're all that bothered about the hot chocolate station and how this poor child will miss out I'm sure OP won't be binning the leftover station trimmings the day after.

Yes, it's so tedious now.

I don't know why anyone bothers posting a question on AIBU anymore.

It’s just decorating the tree. It’s not that big a deal. FWIW Christmas decorations are a huge part of our family Christmas. It takes us a day to decorate the house. I really can’t see the harm in letting a kid join in.
Thanks though for using the phrase batshit bulshit. It’s made me smile on a wet Sunday morning. 🙂

Yikes. Another thread about a really minor dilemma, which nevertheless turns quite a few into ‘fretful porpentines’, with all their spiky bits on battle alert.

So they're not a big deal then?

What utter and complete batshit bullshit.

a) Christmas is not JUST about little children. In our family it's about everyone. Adults are allowed to enjoy the Christmas season and their own traditions, too. In fact, I hope this doesn't cause anyone to faint dead away, in my extended family and friends circle we actually have several events across the season at which children are not welcome at all!

b) OP is not "turning a child away." Her daughter is not in charge of the invitations and a childish misunderstanding is hardly the spurning of a shiftless waif.

c) Some of us ENJOY the planning, preparation and anticipation. There's nothing holy or virtuous about "spontanaeity."

d) the child's family are lowlife losers but that is not the OP's problem or fault. She is not required to "be kind" to compensate for the failings of another mother.

This exactly!

Agreed. Not once has the OP mentioned social media and the chocolate bombs to put in hot milk are in Aldi and Lidl next to the tubs of powder. It's just an alternative way of making it.

Oh dear

You’ve just accused the op of not wanting the friend there because she’s too ugly to post on Instagram. I don’t think you’re winning any prizes for the moral high ground here 😂

Some people are so, so weird.
And aggressive.
Luckily I don't have them in my life.

The more the merrier I say. Christmas is about little children and their wonder. I could never turn a child away from joining in something like this.
It sounds like you have a set idea about what is going to happen - have some spontaneity!

What the fuck are you on about??
why are people assuming op wants this day “for the gram”? If anything wouldn’t it make better social media content to “be kind” (🤮) and have the other kid there?

I do a similar day to the OP, it’s some of our loviest memories. My kids are older teens now and still look forward to it each year. It’s fuck all to do with instagram.
Some people are so, so weird.

Maybe the other child wouldn't be sufficiently Instagram-able next to the hot chocolate station with the chocolate bombs.

I find this attitude so strange. Why isn’t the child’s enjoyment of equal value to the parents?

You make children sound like horrible little dictators too, they’re allowed to have preferences and requests like everyone else.

I think that this is such a lovely, kind thing to do. If she’s already seeking out company at half seven in the morning then she’s clearly not getting the attention from her family that your DD is getting from you. I expect she enjoys being at your house so much because it’s a lovely family environment where you’re interacting with them in a way she’s not used to.

Add on some flour, salt and water and they could make salt dough decorations together; that would keep them occupied for a while.

@Millytante I love your phrase

a dazzle of frivolity and giddiness.

I completely understand, these times as a family are so precious! Perhaps tell the friend that she can’t come that evening but maybe arrange a little craft hour the day after, she and your daughter can do a little cheapy Christmas craft activity, the hot chocolate again with all the trimmings and a little Christmas film. That way, you keep the family time but offer time for your daughter and her friend as an extra?

I think you should keep it as family only. As people keep saying, she'll be wanting more time with friends soon, so all the more reason to keep this one thing special for just you 3, as it won't be too long before you barely see her, with her going out with friends.

And I really don't understand this I ignore the phone before 10, you shouldn't have to ignore it, the child should be told by her grandma not to bother you on the phone or in person at all before 10, and then at 10 respect if you say not today. Can you not speak to her grandma about this? It is not your job to teach the child manners!