To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

Completely agree - looks far more like the kid has decided she wants to come than the OP’s DD has decided she wants her. And look at how many threads there are on here with fully grown women unable to say ”ah - no - you can’t leave your child here for the whole school holidays” or other clearly ridiculously unreasonable requests; is it any surprise a 7 year old has bowed in the face of pressure of another child saying “can I come? Can I come?”.

I doubt he would have been decorating a pagan yule tree.

Quite.

Grandma could show some goodwill by stepping up and doing something with her granddaughter instead of palming her off on her neighbour every weekend, especially when they have family Christmas activities planned.

😁

Whatever happened to the spirit of goodwill!?

I’m a recovering people pleaser and a Mum. Weekends with DS are precious to me.
I don’t see why OP has to be badgered by a 7 year old who has a proven track record for inviting herself to her home.
I find some of the comments on here about managing this situation frankly ridiculous. Absolutely NO to buying DD and her friend little Christmas trees to decorate, no one has considered that this could set a precedent that every Christmas DD’s friend may expect her own tree. OP simply wants time with her DD to do a family activity and I would have loved to have done this when I was young with my own Mum.
We had a pushy next door neighbour whose daughter was a year younger than me, her DD would come charging round and expect to be catered for, to play roughly with my toys and she could be aggressive if she didn’t get her own way. My Mum struggled with getting this girl’s Mum to understand that it was not always convenient for her daughter to turn up.
OP, stand your ground. It’s your time with DD, this friend is getting her own way and you’ve provided her with a lot of opportunities for socialising with DD. One afternoon isn’t too much to ask. Can you ask the friend’s grandma for her daughter’s phone number and have a gentle word about the tree decorating and the 7.30am calls?

See at 7 years old I would see it that the parents and/or caregivers should be teaching and enforcing boundaries (and in this scenario that isn't happening), not that the child was inherently pushy. If it were my child I would:

• Not allow them to use my phone at 7.30am to call the neighbour (or anyone) and explain why this isn't appropriate
• Recognise that weekends are precious for working families and check with the parents myself if it was OK for my child to go round (not necessarily every time but at least have a conversation with them to understand the best approach given the girls are friendly). Again, this may involve explaining to my child why they can't spend every weekend at the neighbours house so they understand
• Last but not least, actually want to spend time with my child and not just send them over to the neighbours every weekend

So yes, the girl is coming across 'pushy' but it's because her caregivers aren't teaching or enforcing any boundaries, so she's probably completely unaware that she's doing anything wrong.

I commented much earlier on the thread we had one living in our street. She was a friggin nightmare and she still would be if she would’ve been able to carry on in my daughter’s life.
Luckily, we got rid of her and she’s achieved. Nothing Sales would’ve been a good choice for her too, but she couldn’t even do that.
Proper little madam

There are a lot of people on this thread who don't think that neighbour kid is being pushy. Which is just mad to me. She's already been told no ffs, and she is literally riding roughshod over that and pushing to get her way anyway. I hope she eventually goes into sales, she'll probably be very successful.

I'd be keeping an eye on the dynamics of the friendship, there. There's a very real possibility that the DD would be relieved to have some time off from this intense friend who is always bloody there and just be with mum and dad for the day.

I also notice that nowhere in the original post does it say, "dd got really upset and begged for her friend to be allowed to come", which would have changed the flavour of the situation.

Not to split hairs but that isn't entirely true...

Dd was telling her friend and her friend asked if she could come and also do the tree, Dd told her yes then told me. I said to Dd she can’t really come as it’s a special family thing we do, but she can play with her the next day. Dd told her she couldn’t come but her friend said to me she’d asked her mum and can do the tree decorating part

At 7 years old I would expect the parent ans/or caregiver to be the one to teach and set boundaries, but given this isn't happening here, and the girl is already monopolising a lot of OP's family time (which most considerate parents and/or caregivers would be aware of), I think it's fair for OP to set them.

The discussion here seems to centre on the idea that the neighbouring child is 100% cuckoo in the nest. It is worth remembering that OP's DD asked her ... presumably because she wanted her there and wpuld enjoy this.

MN is the sort of place where someone might say that sarcastically 😂

I want a cheeseboard and champers, but I'd go full 1970s and put orange juice in mine 😂

it’s about what you want the memories and moments to be

What is wrong with that? NOTHING.

Mothers are allowed to want things as well.

Why is this such a touch concept for some MNers to grasp 😂

Back and forth between your houses.

The other kid isn't spending most weekends at your house. I bet that kid isn't turning up at 7:30AM, either, or inviting himself along to your family things.

Haven’t RTFT but 59 is definitely young for a grandma! It’s young full stop. Mine were both dead when I was 7 but would have been in their 70s.

As I said which I'm sure she will 🙄

@Zov @CheeseIsMyIdol I was with you for a while on this thread but I think you've collectively jumped the shark.

Fgs, as if the OP wouldn't consider the girl's feelings if she decides to keep it a family time - she has the girl round her house ALL the time and has opened herself up to the AIBU vipers on here to ask for advice - why? Because she cares!
If she didn't she care would have just said no & not posted on here in the first place.
🙄

It's perfectly reasonable not to buy into and model the 'bekind' movement ,,,,it doesn't mean you have to model and be actively unkind .

Fighting the patriarchy, one 7 year old girl at a time.

Op these are the ppl batting for you ,please don't listen to them as any decent human being wouldnt advise you to be so callous and insensitive. Unfortunately ppl like this exist and could come into contact with any one of our children one day 🤢.
I don't think your being unreasonable to say no just would like to think you would handle the little girls feelings with some compassion and kindness which I'm sure you will .

Now THAT is worthy of a 😂

The #BEKIND brigade isn't even making sense.

On one hand, they are dismissive of the tree-trimming ritual as no big deal, not that important, OP is nuts for placing importance on it, it's just a tree, it's just a day, so why not let Little Importunate join in.

Yet on the other hand trimming the tree is such a not-to-be-missed experience that Little Importunate is going to be devastated, traumatized for life and crushed to a cinder if mean old OP excludes her from this hallowed moment.

Which the fuck is it, BEKINDERS?

Oh and how many near-strangers are you welcoming to your private family activities on your day off from work??

I hear your point, but let’s be clear: suggesting kindness toward others doesn’t mean giving up your family traditions. My original post was simply offering a way to include the neighbour’s child without disrupting her plans—a win-win, not a demand.

Parenting is about choices, and parents get to make them. Being kind doesn’t require anyone to surrender their family’s holiday. That applies to men and women alike.

Oh FGS, here we go again. #BEKIND!

@AskAggie Would you say the same to a man? BEKIND to the neighbours child/children and let them come and dominate the traditional Pre-Christmas activities your family have?! (Having done so by manipulating your child into saying they want them included?!)

And if so, how do you imagine A MAN would react?

I know. He would laugh his arse off, and tell anyone trying to guilt trip him to fuck right off! 😂😂

😂 Just thought I'd throw some ROFLing emojis about, cuz why not?

😂

.

Of course no parent is obligated to prioritise another child’s wishes. I was just acknowledging that real-life situations sometimes involve thinking about both sides because we live in community with others. But the parent’s choice comes first. My suggestion was just a possible compromise that preserves the tradition while staying kind to the neighbour’s child.