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To not take children to see ex in-laws on Christmas Day

183 replies

luna122 · 22/11/2025 06:35

I separated from my ex earlier this year, and so far we haven't discussed Christmas arrangements, which I know we should have by now. It's an awkward topic because I know he ideally wants us to spend it together, but I don't. I anticipate he will be angry when I tell him I don't want to spend the day at his place. He can be quite manipulative and often claims it's for the children, when in reality, it's for his benefit. I'm completely fine with the children spending the day with whoever they choose for as long as they want. For the past 16 years, his parents have always come to our house for dinner and to give the children their gifts, but I’ve always been the one catering for everyone. It often felt like Christmas was a celebration for everyone else, rather than for me. This year, since I'm not there, my ex-in-laws have decided they won’t come over and instead want me to take the children to see them. I feel that this should be my ex's responsibility. I spoke with my ex-mother-in-law today, and she hasn’t even discussed his plans with him yet. I’m just really frustrated that this is being placed on my shoulders.

OP posts:
luna122 · 22/11/2025 07:10

My children are 16,9,3. 9 year old wants to spend whole day with me, 3 year old is still to young to really understand and 16 year old doesn’t mind.

OP posts:
Zempy · 22/11/2025 07:05

PILS see DC during XH time with them.

No longer your responsibility.

moose62 · 22/11/2025 07:02

How old are the children? What would they like you do? Depending on them you could just stay at home and they could see the in-laws another day.
You are not obliged to do anything to please your ex now.

Lennonjingles · 22/11/2025 06:43

You really need to sort it out whoever is having DC on Christmas Day. I wouldn’t be taking them to see ex in laws, but if they want to see their Dad and his family, he should collect them.

Sparkletastic · 22/11/2025 06:43

What do the kids want to do?

Barnbrack · 22/11/2025 06:40

Weenurse · 22/11/2025 06:39

It is ex’s responsibility to take DC to see his parents in my view.
Just message him and ask if x o’clock suits him to pick up DC and take them to his parents. You and DC will be busy from this time to that time, he can have them any time before or after that.
Good luck

Don't even do that! You're not their secretary, they are adults, they will figure it out and they can ask you

Barnbrack · 22/11/2025 06:39

It's only on your shoulders if you take it. Sorry Margaret, I'm spending my Christmas how I choose this year, I'm sure you understand, you'll have to speak to Malcolm about what his plans with the kids are as I can't help you there. Bye now

Weenurse · 22/11/2025 06:39

It is ex’s responsibility to take DC to see his parents in my view.
Just message him and ask if x o’clock suits him to pick up DC and take them to his parents. You and DC will be busy from this time to that time, he can have them any time before or after that.
Good luck