Just got back from a few days at parents (mainly to see brother's new kid - would have preferred a hotel but parents would take that a massive FU given that they live 20 mins away) - it has been absolutely awful. The relationship has never been great (solid working class boomer grade C-D parenting), however I have tried hard to not wallow in resentful and to shift things into more of an adult-adult relationship as I've gotten older.
However this has been such an unpleasant experience that I'm seriously thinking of going from medium contact to very low (not willing to go all the way, as that would cause awkwardness with brothers).
It has just been endless stream of put-downs, nagging, patronising remarks, and having to work around my dad's constant OCD freakouts. They have a rigid routine and expect me to fit into this. They refuse all my offers to help with chores around the house ("you'd only mess it up anyway"). They've spent the entire time just criticising everything - my job, my clothes, choice of holiday destinations, my friends, my sleeping patterns, what I'm reading etc. When not that it's mainly just been negative remarks about the local area/neighbours/state of the country etc. I don't bother trying to argue (well-trained in childhood = arguing back usually meant dad flies into a rage and/or sulk, whilst mom mopes about pretending nothing's happening).
It's been utterly draining. The final straw came today at lunch - I'm going back tomorrow, not packed yet (cue criticism) and haven't got a train ticket (I prefer to just get it at the station as it's only bit more expensive and means I'm not rushing about trying to get a specific train - I have been travelling by train for 20 goddamn years at this point) - cue "oh very well organised aren't you" in his usual patronising tone, and I just snapped back with the above - cue shocked face and an admonishment about 'being rude and moody'.
So yeah, I'm done basically. Absolutely sick to death of the pair of them. They have no friends and are estranged from all their family, so it'll basically just be me and brothers at their funeral. So yeah, 1 trip for Xmas from now on, max two.