To ask you what is the worst thing your MIL has done or said to you?

If that's the worst thing then you're doing ok!

I get on well with my current MIL although we don’t always agree on things… my ex MIL though was and is, a stupid, mean woman. There’s petty stuff like trying to make my then toddler daughter tell everyone she loved her (exMIL) more and than mummy. Which my daughter wouldn’t say. And worse stuff like blaming my son’s autism diagnosis on me because “you took him for his MMR and that makes you have autism so you’re the reason his life is ruined”. And she’s also locked my son in his bedroom at their house before and made fun of his autism and other difficulties. I only found out about that after son decided to never visit that branch of his family ever again. She’s a cunt really. So is her husband. He’s also mistreated my kids.

I will say that these people only behave this badly when they can get away with it. If their child (your spouse) isn’t in your corner and lets them get away with it, they’re just as bad and you’ve got big problems ahead. Especially with kids involved.

Are you me? 😂 Our MIL's sound very similar, I too endured her shiz for too long (my hubby still visits her once a year).
My MIL and her partner arrived late for our wedding. My Dad and I were stood outside waiting for them 🤦‍♀️😂 I should've told her to eff off then!

Advising her son to keep my name off our house and car deeds to keep me from getting my 'share' if I left him.

Telling me SHE was the matriarch of our family and I should raise our children how she wanted. Oh, and we were criticising their driving by insisting our kids were buckled in.

Complaing we 'ate too much when we visited' and their utility bills were going to be sky high. Also that I treated my parents better than I treated her, because they saw us more often. (I admit to taking great pleasure in telling her that my parents saw us more often because they visited us at our home, unlike IL's)

' you call yourself a mother? You have no idea what it means to be a mother.'

Similar to you, 20 weeks pg with ds2, another miracle baby as we were told we would never conceive naturally (and didn't for over a decade). Were over the moon as thought ds1 would never have a sibling.

I said it's another boy and she said 'Oh, Catherine, couldn't you have tried for a girl?'. In front of ds1 and dh, too. Ds1 (who was 2) asked why granny didn't like boys...

My MIL's approach is of the 'subtle' variety. She's the queen of eye rolling and sarky replies. I've been given the silent treatment dozens of times, which is inadvertent bliss 😂
One thing she's always done is deliberately 'forget' my birthday (I share a birthday with someone very close to her, so it's harder to 'forget' than remember!). It was quite fun for the duration because I'd always tell my hubby I'd got a lovely card from her through the post, thus she never once got the satisfaction. She eventually mentioned it, saying she thought she'd forgotten again, and I gaslit her and said I'm sure you DID send a card, if you didn't I haven't noticed. She's spoilt my fun and stopped 'forgetting' now, sadly 😂

My MIL is a vile, jealous woman. She was so very nice to me in the beginning, until her son proposed to me. It was when our relationship got serious that things changed.

She referred to me as “that thing” when speaking to my husband.

Told me I was disgusting for breastfeeding in public.

Told us that she would be telling our children how much of a slut I was.

My husband has nothing to do with her anymore. It’s sad all round. She is clearly a very damaged individual.

Speaking about dd1 “oh she’s just so clever and so beautiful… she gets it all from her father!” Said in front of me. (My academic results are good and i do a very similar job to dh.) I told my dad and he passive aggressively shared a photo of dd and one of me at the same age to show how dd1 looks like me 😂

My mil isn’t mean but hard work and wants everything her way. We invite her to stay 2 nights, she wants 4 nights oblivious to the fact we work and are juggling things.

But back to your issue, o p, I think you said it best when you mentioned that you were low contact with your m i l not because she was your m i l but because she just wasn't a very pleasant person.
When you have a son, you hope that one day your son will find a partner, and when that happens, you automatically will become a mother-in-law. Does that automatically vilify you? God I hope not.

No some people are just plain nasty, horrid, inconsiderate, selfish, controlling etc, and it is possible that they feel that a daughter-in-law is someone who they can have control over. Perhaps they felt controlled by their own mother-in-law and they're just passing it on to you because they feel that's the way that they're allowed to speak or that's the way they're allowed to behave.
Some people just aren't good people. Some people are bullies.

Most mother-in-laws are wonderful people who treat their daughter-in-laws the same way that they would treat their daughter their son or anyone else in their family. I don't like to participate in a mother-in-law bashing post, I don't think that this was one, but there have been some pretty extreme examples of mother-in-law behavior shared here. I think it's just good for people to be able to purge out their experiences and bottled up emotions, and to share. I'm sure that some people read some of these posts and go "wow, I guess I shouldn't complain so much, what my mother-in-law does is nowhere near as bad as that!"
And other people who knows, they might possibly be reading some of this and go "wow, I do things like that. I didn't realize that it bothered so many people. Maybe I should reconsider and not do that anymore."
I'm a great believer that people do have the ability to change. That most people will choose not to change for the better but that we do have the ability to if we want to. And I think that reading about other people's problems and hearing other people's opinions is so valuable because it gives us an opportunity to understand and reflect.

I’m so sorry this was said to you. So cruel.

Mine is: ‘Don’t speak about your parents around me. Act as if they are dead’
There had been a family fall out. It was about 4. 5 years ago. I still see her and speak to her but I have never forgotten it.

I agree with you. That's why I didn't get angry or upset. But I also never forgot it.

She lost her husband when she was in her mid fifties, which is pretty young, and she never remarried, and ended up living another 35 years alone, so I'm quite sure she didn't mean to say this in a cruel way. She was always saying things that I'm sure she didn't mean to sound cruel or tone deaf or unnecessary or unpleasant...she just did. She didn't know the value of staying quiet and she didn't seem to have much of a filter on her thoughts.

Like, at the beautiful wonderful wedding of one of her granddaughters, it was a lovely venue, historical church, bride and groom were glowing, and of course being the grandmother, she was seated in the front pew, a position of honor, she was very proud to have all these friends and family members who came up to her to offer her congratulations of the marriage of her granddaughter, so she was pretty happy that day, and right in the middle of the ceremony, she turned around to my husband and I and I'm sure she thought she was whispering but it was a very carrying stage whisper that I know was Heard by others...
"Isn't [she] gorgeous? Such a shame she has a big nose... It's really going to ruin their wedding photos"

I mean like, seriously?!?!?

Agree. I can't think of a single thing my MiL has said to me in 30+ years that needs storing up and relaying to strangers to malign her. She's been a bit tactless and irritating for sure, but she's a human being, we're family, so I'm obviously going to see all sides of her rather than the perfect text book communication some feel is required.
I'm also a MiL and no doubt put my foot in my mouth at times too, as do DDils with me. But to me you can't have a relaxed and genuine relationship with family and be minding your Ps & Qs all the time, and sometimes we all get it wrong.
Deliberate cruelty and nastiness like in some of these examples is another matter, but that's a personality trait not something you develop when your son gets married.

It is literally the only relationship where apparently the other side is never relevant. Where blame is attributed unquestioningly one way only.

Mine said that maybe I should get the kids tested for the anti immune condition that I got diagnosed with a year after having my second child.

Also that her research shows that my autoimmune condition has some links with schizophrenia and maybe I have developed that as her son would never distance himself otherwise. The condition(s) may be affecting my behaviour 🤷‍♀️

MIL ruined DDs christening by choosing a poem to read which was about not believing in God - in a church! We should have checked beforehand.

Made some of the buffet (very kind!) but not
what she said she would make so our lovely pescatarian priest had nothing to eat.

Further ruined it by making a fuss about the fact she 'didn't know people gave cards and presents to the baby at a christening' and because everyone else had brought one, stormed out because the other guests had 'deliberately humiliated her' by giving the baby cards and presents.

There are many more examples......

Well funnily enough, as a DIL (or just a person, woman, daughter, sister, mother, friend whatever) I've never treated my MIL, or anyone, the way she's treated me. And nobody else has I know well or is supposed to care even the slightest bit has ever behaved towards me as she has. I might not be perfect, but I'm better than her.

Not arguing that point.
Mine too, I should have kept quiet.

You are sooooo right!

You were very foolish.
On the two occasions I’ve had an upset friend/sibling who has split with their dp I’ve remained firmly neutral.
My ds was also criticising his dw one day and I pointed out all her qualities.

My MIL told my parents at the first time of our families meeting that she had really hoped DP would marry his ex. And she wonders why we've never been close!

She also never respected our wishes re: not giving DD junk food as a baby – I once caught her feeding DD Pringles when she wasn't even 1. Now she's started on our dog – I went ballistic when I caught her letting the dog lick the wrapper from a Lindor chocolate. When DP asked her WTF she was doing, she said "We used to do it with our dogs before we knew it was poisonous…" 😳😳😳

My MIL is lovely but did some mental things when my children were babies. I’d just had a terrible birth experience with my second child and she came round with her diary. She wanted to arrange dates and times she could visit. I said I’m sorry I can’t do this now and she burst out crying and stormed off.

With my first baby she would ask to hold her and then walk out of the room and go upstairs and sit on a bed. When I asked her not to do this she burst out crying.

After many years of infertility I was pregnant, DH rang to tell her ‘do you have to, but I don’t want to have anymore GC’.
like others it was the constant comments about food/weight, buying me tiny clothes to ‘slim into’. Comments then started on DC. DD is autistic and I’m glad she’s not here now to tell me why it’s my fault and how I should have been more strict to stop it.

DH will frequently reminiscence about what a great MIL she was to me, cleaning the house, childcare, cooking. She never did any of these, not even once, not anything like it. Zero interest in GC.
I was on a losing battle as she wanted DH to stay home and be her companion and clearly thought it was my fault he wasn’t.